To those of you who don't know me, hello. I'm Hammerschlag, a small-time writer from the FE fandom who dabbles elsewhere occasionally. I got drunk, so I did this.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, fam.

"What the– what the hell is this place, Kakarot? We were supposed to be going to Lord Beerus' to train!"

"I dunno, Vegeta. I guess my ki's actin' up again. King Kai once told me it had somethin' to do with–"

"Whatever. Just get us out of here, will y–"

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" a white-haired, black cloaked woman with black and red eyes said. Apparently Goku had instant transmission'd the duo to some sort of council chamber.

"Hey, Vegeta? Is it just me or does everythin' look and feel a little funny?" Goku asked his rival, not paying any attention to the spectators.

"For once, I agree with you. It's as if reality here is made of a different fabric," Vegeta responded.

"Do you think we're in some sort of simulation? It would explain why I can't sense the ki of the others in this room."

"I can sense their ki, but I can also see how you overlooked it. They really are weaklings. So much so that this must be, as you say, some sort of cheap simulation."

"Think one of these folks might be a decent warm up?"

"I–"

"I've had enough of this. Tyrian, dispose of them," the woman looked to a hunched-over, black haired man with a scorpion-like tail.

"With pleasure," Tyrian laughed and thrust his tail at Vegeta, who caught it with no effort at all.

"You remind me of someone I hate with every fiber of my being. Big mistake," the Prince of all Saiyans growled and cut off Tyrian's tail with a single slice.

"HOW?!" the man squealed.

"Because you're pathetic," Vegeta rolled his eyes.

"Insolent fool. I am Salem, and I will kill you myse–" before the white haired woman could finish her sentence, Goku punched her in her gut, sending her flying off into the distance. All the others sitting at the table simply stared at the Saiyans in utter shock.

"I could have handled her, Kakarot," Vegeta snarled.

"I know, but I needed to check my reflexes. Delayed Onset Ki Disorder comes and goes rather quickly, and I was hopin' it would have gone away by now," Goku shrugged. The Prince simply scoffed in response.

"Well, we should probably find out where she went. Maybe if we give her a chance, she'd make a good warm up after all."

"I doubt it, but I suppose there's really nothing better to do."

Ruby and company were fighting Cinder and her minions when the ill-looking woman in a black cloak came crashing in.

"L-Lady Salem?" Cinder looked to the newcomer and gaped. Ozpin, Qrow and Hazel both turned and gasped, prompting the others to stop fighting. As the black-cloaked woman slowly rose, a dark aura began to surround her. She looked to the window from which she fell, completely ignoring those around her, and soon enough, two black-haired men in bizarre clothing flew in. One wore an orange gi, the other a blue jumpsuit under a white cuirass.

"Well, that's a lot of training fodder," the blue-clad man smiled, "if they can't match our strength alone, perhaps they'll prove interesting as teams."

"We'll just have to see, won't we?" the orange-clad man assumed a fighting stance.

"I will destroy you!" Salem shrieked like a banshee and unleashed magic at the pair unlike anything Ruby had ever seen. To her complete surprise, Salem's attacks appeared to have no effect.

"My turn," the blue-clad man formed a ball of energy in his hand.

"Too slow, Vegeta!" the orange-clad man laughed and charged Salem at speeds beyond anything Ruby's team thought possible.

"Damn it, Kakarot!" the blue-clad man chased after him. The two landed punches on Salem at roughly the same time, sending her crashing into the wall. Enraged, Cinder sent out bursts of flame toward the pair while Hazel charged them. Kakarot deflected all of Cinder's attacks as Vegeta pummeled the living daylights out of Hazel. Ruby's crew simply stared in disbelief.

"This is it! You're finished! Galick Gun: FIRE!" Vegeta shouted and a beam of purple energy blasted out of his hands and shot right through Hazel and inadvertently into Weiss, ending both of their lives. Yang, enraged, activated her semblance, prompting an interested glance from Kakarot.

"Ah, so you're part Saiyan? Alright, here goes!" The orange-clad warrior's black hair turned gold, his eyes green, and his aura gold, just like Yang's. As Yang fired off rounds from her gauntlets, her opponent began to charge his power,

"Ka… me… ha… me… HA!" a blue pillar of energy erupted from Kakarot's hands and completely engulfed Yang, destroying her.

"Eh heh, I may have gone a bit too far!" the orange-clad man scratched the back of his head and reverted to his previous state.

Meanwhile

"Whis, where are they? I told them to meet me here an hour ago! If they make me wait one more minute I'll destroy Earth… no, their entire solar system!" Beerus yelled at his retainer.

"Well, Lord Beerus, it would seem Goku accidentally teleported himself and Vegeta to an alternate universe. One I did not think existed. Shall I take you there?"

"Sure. Now that he's mastered ultra instinct as well, I think I'd actually have fun sparring with Goku, and if he's unable to come to me, I'll just have to go to him."

"As you wish, my lord," Whis bowed and led the God of Destruction to the universe Goku found himself stuck in.

After dispatching the woman who almost looked like a Super Saiyan, Goku turned his attention back to the black-haired woman in the red robes. She continued to launch barrages of fire at him – none of which posed a threat – until he got bored, briefly turned Blue and blasted the woman away using the sheer pressure of his aura. A young black-haired girl then stared at Goku in horror and released some sort of burst from her silver eyes, which were so powerful the Saiyan could almost feel them.

"Ah, now we're talkin'! Let's–" Goku started excitedly, then groaned in disappointment when the girl fainted, "so that's all you had, huh. Too bad…"

"Kakarot, can we just finish up here?" Vegeta rolled his eyes irritatedly, flew up, turned Super Saiyan and prepared a Final Flash.

"I suppose," Goku shrugged, powered up, flew to Vegeta and prepared a Kamehameha. Before they could launch their attacks, Whis and Beerus appeared.

"Lord Beerus! What brings you to… whatever this place is?" Vegeta raised a brow.

"When you two did not show up, I got bored. It was either find you, or destroy Earth. Since I do so very much enjoy human food, I figured the former would be the better choice." Before Goku or Vegeta could respond, they heard a groan and felt a moderate increase in pressure.

"You… will… kneel before me…" the black-cloaked woman slowly rose in the corner.

"Hakai," Beerus deadpanned, and before anyone knew anything else, Salem was erased from existence.

"Are you… Gods?" a black-haired, green-eyed boy standing in the corner gaped.

"Of course I am! I should destroy you simply for asking!" Beerus snarled.

"Wha–"

"You know what, you people are so pathetic you're not even worth destroying. Go on living whatever life you think this is. Let's go, Whis. Goku, Vegeta, you're coming too."

"Yes, Lord Beerus."

This is a response to all the Dragon Ball/RWBY crossovers I've been seeing. Seriously, people? Do you honestly think the RWBY cast could do jack to anyone from the Dragon Ball universe? Hell, Ozpin at full power could probably be taken out by the farmer with a shotgun from the beginning of DBZ who cameos every now and then.