I will always protect you

Chapter One

Sam flexed his hand around the ivory handle of Dean's colt. It felt alien to his grip, yet the metal soon began to warm to his touch. He stared into the distance; eye's blurred with tears, his finger absently sliding up and down on the trigger.

He hated himself for this, for the position he was in. Quakes of emotion shook through his body, making him gently tremble. If any other person was looking, they may not have noticed, but to Dean's trained eye he could see Sam slowly tearing himself apart inside his head. Sam blinked, trying to clear away the tears from his eyes, but they insisted on falling, wetting his cheeks as they went. The salt of his tears fell into the scratches etched into his cheek, but he welcomed the sting that began to pulse. He felt like he needed to be punished, he felt like what he was going to do was wrong. As if it were hell worthy.

Dean slowly approached from behind. His mind was conflicted as he thought about Madison. He had been brainwashed by John since his childhood to believe that all things supernatural were certainly evil, yet before him stood Sam who clearly didn't feel the same. Madison even seemed harmless; if it weren't for the body count, Dean would never have guessed that she was a monster.

Dean looked up at the hunched broad shoulders of his brother, which were still shuddering with his sobs. His emotions were twisted. He envied his brother's openness and the way Sam cared for almost everything. Dean was so closed off; hunting was his job, he did what he needed and then came home, celebrated with a beer, and the next day repeated it over again. Yet Sam had always taken care in their hunts, and spent time in learning what they were hunting and what they needed to do. Even Dean could see here, Sam had caught himself up in something a lot deeper than just trying to save another girl. Yet at the same time Dean took pity on Sam; he knew if he were to care as Sam did, he would never be able to take it. Emotions never were Dean's strength. Even now as he looked at his brother, picturing his tear stained face, all he wanted was to protect his Sammy and take everything bad away. He understood that he needed to be strong for him.

'Sam?' Dean gently said; his voice barely above a whisper.

Sam's head jerked back slightly to his name, he sighed, and tried to pull himself in, make himself look stronger as he turned to Dean. Pain shocked through Dean's body as he looked past Sam's poorly made defences into his dark dull eyes. He just wanted to take Sam away; he just wanted to hold him.

Dean dropped his head, and took in a breath. The air seemed dry and stale in his lungs as throat began to tighten.

'I'm sorry' Dean said. He wanted to say anything, do anything that would comfort Sam. He felt helpless not knowing what to do, not knowing how to connect.

'No you're right', Sam's voice was hoarse and shallow; he sniffed and painfully swallowed as he looked to Dean, 'She's right.'

'Sammy I got this one,' Dean said, trying to look brave for his brother, trying to project the strength and comfort to Sam, 'I'll do it.'

'She asked me to', Sam quickly replied.

'You don't have to', Dean said, trying to get Sam to reason with him, yet he knew Sam was going to be stubborn about it. That was one thing about Sam that he had in common with John.

'Yes I do', Sam choked out, tears streamed down his face, as pulled in his lip, biting it until it turned white and then rapidly back to pink. He blinked away the tears, trying to look anywhere but Dean's face. He didn't want to look into Dean's eyes, because he knew the only comfort there was Dean's yearn to protect. He didn't want to face his brother, because he felt as if he might just give in, and let Dean shield him from everything that hurt. But he knew, for Madison's sake, and that pain that he felt in his heart for her, that he needed to do this.

'Just wait here', Sam said, holding in the tears as much as he could as he looked into Dean's shadowed eyes. Dean slightly dipped his head in a silent promise. Sam turned away and walked towards the room where Madison sat, staring blankly ahead. He looked her over and felt a pang of hate towards himself. He hated how much he let himself get involved. How he let himself connect with someone who was meant to be his natural enemy. It was his fault, he should have never allowed himself get close enough to become attached. Her face was flushed, but she was no longer crying. Her long brown hair, sat in twists upon her chest, she turned to Sam and looked at him with doe like eyes. Her calm facade quickly faded as she spotted the silver glint of the Colt resting in his hand. But as if accepting her fate, she soon looked calm again, and even smiled slightly at Sam.

'Thank you' she said, and she closed her eyes. She already looked peaceful as she sat, head dipped, hands together in her lap.

Sam wiped away the tears from his face, and lent into her, gently kissing her forehead. He took a long inhale through his nose, smelling her hair and scent.

'Good bye' he whispered, as he stepped back, raised the gun and cocked the hammer.

Dean stood in the hallway as a single tear escaped from his eye. He didn't want to be the one to kill Madison, but neither did he want Sam to do it. He felt as if he were allowing Sam to taint himself. He would rather do it, than allow Sam to become broken.

The sudden explosion of the gun, made Dean jump as he stood alone in the hall. There was nothing but silence after.