As I sit here in her hospital room, holding her hand, crying and waiting for her to wake up. I told her that I would be here until she woke up, that I would never leave her side, that they'd have to fight me to get me away from her. I told her that she was my everything and that she always would be, I told her that I was sorry for all the pain that I had put her through and asked for forigveness and then I went quiet.
I immersed myself in the thoughts and the memories that we had. I smiled at the memories and analyzed everything that I had ever said to her and all my bad actions and realised that I was always in denial, and even when I was being mean and harsh, I could see where I was in denial about everything the most and I knew what I was really thinking and I felt awful.
I started to think about all the reasons that I liked Emily Fitch. It was her voice, that appealing voice that was rough, husky and sexy and incredibly loud when it needed or chose to be, when she said my name in that voice, I swear that my name has never sounded better ever, when we've had our nights alone and she's been made to scream, that voice was even stronger and even more sexy for me. The way that she whimpers when she's scared or nervous. The way that she bites her lip when she's confused or feels guilty, the way that when she's trying not to smile about something that the corners of her mouth start to rise and she has to bite them down to keep herself composed. It's her hair in the morning, when it's a mess but she still manages to look beautiful, it's the unique colour of her because no one else has it and it suits her and it makes her look adorable. It's the way that she speaks her words and the way that she uses them to whatever effect that she needs to, it's the way that they hit me hard and make me realise everything. It's the way that she breathes, that she touches, that she smells and looks, the way that she feels, the way that she holds me when I cry and the same way that she clings to me when she's breaking down and it's the way that she snuggles up to me in my sleep and it's the way that she makes me feel so amazing. The way that she smiles, the way that she smirks. The way that she told her sister what really happened.
Mostly though, It's the way that I don't like Emily Fitch, I love Emily Fitch instead.
It's been two weeks since she was hit by the car, it's been two weeks since she fell into the deep coma and got taken away from me. I've cried everyday, I've argued with them to let me stay here everyday, so has Katie. It's really weird to say this but this has really brought me and Katie together, she knows that her sister loves me and she knows that I love Emily right back and that I feel awful about everything that has happened. She's finally accepted what is going on and who and what type of person me and Ems are, and here she is at this moment with her arm around my whilst I start to cry again. She's crying too but she's trying to be the strong one, trying to hold everything together.
JJ comes to the hospital every day nearly, they were best friends after all. He can't come every day though because even though he takes his medication, the whole accident thing sets him off, it's stronger than his medication so it's safer that he comes to see her for a few hours a day. He came up to me and Katie on the first day she was in and warned us that even if he asked us to leave him in the room alone, to not to that in case he lost it. Cook has come around like five times or so. Effy comes around a lot as do Freddie and Panda. Since the accident, no one has drank a drop of alcohol or done any drugs. We're all just constantly smoking pretty much, it's getting too upsetting and stressful.
I sit back once again and remember all the memories that we've had together.