Hi lovely ! This is something I have been writing for a while, and I finally finished it. I am very happy with this fic, I think it might be one of my favorite ever. Hope you'll feel the same way.
All canon applies until 4x17.
Enjoy the reading.
One of the reasons Nate will always remain one of Blair's favorite people, is that his birthday is at the beginning of spring, when the air gets easier to breathe in and the wind is soft and cool against her cheeks. It is the best weather to celebrate someone, and Blair is happy that one of her oldest friend happens to be that person.
This is why, the night of Nate's twenty-first birthday, she doesn't go home directly, when it's two or three in the morning and the party got too boring, or perhaps a little bit too wild. Instead, she ends up doing something that lets her believe she perhaps had a little too much to drink. Because had she been sober, she wouldn't be sitting on the steps of the Met at that time of the night, with Dan Humphrey passing her the bottle of champagne they stole from the bar. But really, anything is better than trying to pretend she doesn't remember what happened the night of Nate's birthday, the previous year.
"Alright" Dan sighs deeply "What age are we talking about? Forty-five?"
Blair takes a sip from the bottle, shaking her head.
"Please, at forty-five, it will just look pathetic and people will be onto us. Much younger"
"Really?" Dan raises his eyebrows, getting the smuggest smile Blair has ever seen him feature "You just can't wait to get in my pants, can you?"
Blair rolls her eyes, drinks again before passing him back the bottle.
"Forty?" Dan asks, then when Blair shakes her head again "Thirty-five?"
"Thirty-two" Blair nods "I think it's believable. It wouldn't make us look desperate"
Dan thinks for a moment while he finishes the bottle.
"Yeah, thirty-two does sound good"
He stands up, takes her by the hand to make her stand up with him. They are both drunk, and Blair has a bit of a struggle to stay balanced in her five inch heels. He puts his second hand on the one of hers he's already holding, and Blair covers them with hers. They look each other in the eyes. He looks so terribly drunk, Blair cannot help laughing at him.
"I am going to make a speech, to make things look much more official" Dan says "Earlier this year, we discovered how much we had in common, much to our dismay. Turns out you are not completely horrible."
"Turns out it's not a bad thing you're always wearing plaid" Blair replies "Since it's the only think that looks good on you"
Dan nods "Sure. So we are making a pact. The best pacts are always those made whilst completely drunk"
He takes a deep breath, and they both straighten up, as much as they can.
"If we are not both married by the time we are thirty-two, we marry each other"
"A gentlemen's agreement" Blair says.
Then she starts feeling dizzy, and doesn't even have time to think before she bends over and throws up on his shoes. His disgusted cry echoes in the empty, dark avenue.
This really is not how Blair would have thought the conversation would end, when they started arguing about how watching too much sitcoms influence people's lives.
X
They never talk about it, after that night. When they meet Nate, Serena and Chuck for brunch the following day, everybody is hungover. Dan smiles at Blair, though.
"You were so drunk last night" he whispers.
"Shut up"
They go back to silently drown into their coffee. And the never talk about it, after that night.
There is not much to talk about, though. They just keep living, going smoothly through college, dating here and there and trying not to go back to Chuck and Serena. Nate and Raina are still growing strong, and it's kind of a constant thing in their lives. Dan knows however, it's about to change when Blair announces, right after graduation, that she is pregnant. With Chuck, of course.
Months later, no one has adjusted yet to the idea, and it doesn't matter because she gives birth to twin girls anyway. Dan visits her at the hospital, and gets much more tendered than he would have thought at the sight of her holding Josephine and Elizabeth. Great names, for beautiful girls. They are both so pretty and so precious that Dan even forgets Chuck Bass is their father.
He is reminded when they all witness Chuck getting down on one knee next to Blair's hospital bed. Dan doesn't even think of the stupid pact that was made all that time ago. All he can see is how Blair is beaming, how complete she looks and he just hopes it lasts; he just hopes she never stops looking this way.
When Blair and Chuck become a married couple with kids, they start living an adult life, because they are the social definition of adults. And soon, Dan has only Serena, Nate and Raina to get drunk with when he feels like it. He still visits museums with Blair, but it happens less often the more the girls grow up, and soon Dan finds himself between being Uncle Dan when he is at her place, and a normal twenty-four year old the rest of the time. But then, Nate asks Raina to move in with him, and even they start to behave too responsibly for Dan.
After that, he and Serena try their best not to fall into the trap that is just waiting for them, widening the more time goes by. Serena, who decided that it was time to take her life back into hands stops by the loft one night with a bottle of wine, and they both talk for hours about how it would just be a bad idea for them to get back together, just because all of their friends are in a committed relationship.
Of course, the bottle has been empty for only five minutes when Dan has Serena backed up against the front door and he is fucking her as hard as it would take for him not to remember they were just saying it was a bad idea. The morning after, Serena calls him to say it was only once and it will never happen again. But it keeps happening.
And then, everything gets so messy that it makes Dan realize that they are all adults, and that it hit them without them even noticing. Nate and Raina have a violent break-up; everyone pretends they don't know about Dan and Serena sleeping with each other but refusing to commit to one another; Chuck is, as usual, stressed about his business and Blair never has the glow Dan saw on her the day she gave birth to her daughters.
The dinner parties are becoming rare because they are all stressed out from their kids, their jobs, from life.
One afternoon, Dan is twenty-five and his first novel is getting ripped out of the shelves when Serena tells him she has met someone. He is much older, an investment banker and she seems happy. And then, it's just him and Nate, playing the games of single men while Serena is engaged, living on a 5th avenue apartment and Chuck and Blair celebrate their twins' second birthday.
The only constant thing that Dan has had in his life, all these years, is coffee with Blair on Saturdays afternoon. They never miss it, unless one of them is out of the city. For an hour and a half per week, Dan is twenty again. They argue about cinema, share views on modern art, and she criticizes his short stories. They laugh, and they talk about things that matter to only the two of them, and sometimes, in the middle of the conversation it hits Dan. Blair is a mother. She is responsible for two other lives, and it's the kind of thing about her he forgets for an hour and a half, each Saturday.
Dan doesn't have a lot of connections to Blair's daughters. Nate is their godfather, and Dan is just their mother's friend –and also technically, their father's brother, but no one ever thinks of it that way, not even himself and Chuck.
Nate gets engaged to a girl his grandfather introduced him to. The day of the wedding, Dan is sitting between a pregnant Serena and a cranky Blair, and it feels like the wedding planner wanted to make fun of him. It has always been Serena, and it's always Blair; one relationship he kept running from and the one he could never let go of, and now, neither of them will ever be his.
He is in the middle of thinking just that when someone bumps into his chair and spills wine on his tuxedo. The woman melts in excuses and Dan stands up to tell her it's okay; and then their eyes lock. Or Dan thinks of it this way, because when it comes to romance, he is basically a teenage girl.
He smiles at her, and finds out later that her name is Maggie.
X
The day Dan is late for coffee, it makes Blair much more nervous than it should. She knows he is probably with that Maggie girl who is an artist and makes Blair feel like her connection to Dan is not as special as she thinks.
Dan excuses himself several times when he finally sits in front of her, but he doesn't look that sorry, and Blair tries to ignore it as much as she can. When he tells Blair he is going to propose, her hand tightens around the porcelain mug she is holding. She wants to tell him not to do it, because marriage makes everyone so fucking miserable and he doesn't deserve it.
Blair is aware that if she starts thinking of her marriage with Chuck as the payback for cheating on Louis with him, it's probably a sign that it's doomed. She often focuses on her daughters to forget the fact that Nate and Serena seems both perfectly happy in their own marriage. She is the only one eaten by second doubts, and guilt from she doesn't even know what.
"I think she is the one, Blair" Dan tells her with a boyish smile.
If Blair were honest, she would admit that it hurts to hear him say that. Because she knows about the novel he wrote but never published, the one she found hidden in his desk drawer once, and stole without him noticing. The one where she is Claire Carlyle and he sees her in the way she has always wanted to be seen. But the more she is married to Chuck, the less Blair knows how to be honest, so she smiles at Dan and tells him she is happy for him.
At his wedding, Blair fights with Chuck rather loudly. Being seating with Nate and his perfect wife, and Serena and her perfect baby makes her want to throw her chair out the window. The girls are being impossible, bickering about every little thing and Blair keeps asking Chuck to do something. When he doesn't, too preoccupied by reading emails on his phone, she takes care of it. Then as usual, the girls team up against her, call her mean and tell her about how their daddy is nicer than her.
Of course their daddy would look nicer than her, he is never there. The only time Chuck sees his daughters is when they are tired out from making Blair's day hell. He gets to see them being all lovely and adorable, and Blair gets the fits, the flus, the chicken pox, and the boring PTA meetings.
When she dares complain, because she is too tired to feel guilty about it, Chuck simply shrugs.
"You're the one who didn't want to get a nanny" he says.
And when he tells her again at Dan's wedding, Blair explodes. She leaves with the girls, without even telling Dan goodbye or congratulations. When Chuck gets home that night, Blair is already in bed. He lays next to her in their dark room, and suggests they meet with a couple counselor.
Blair refuses. What she really wants is a meeting with their lawyers.
Chuck doesn't even argue for the custody of the girls. Perhaps he knew that it was the only way he could hurt Blair the most; not fighting for their daughters, and make it seem like he doesn't care.
Another Saturday afternoon, Blair is sitting at the café for an hour and a half, and Dan makes her forget about how weird it still feels not to be wearing a ring anymore. Until, with an excited smile, he tells her that Maggie is pregnant.
He looks like nothing in the world could ever bring him down, and in spite of herself, it makes Blair smile too. She tells herself that he deserves to look this way, to feel the way he feels and she hopes for him that it never stops. He asks her to be the godmother; Blair accepts with all of her heart.
When nine months later, Serena calls her in the middle of the night to tell her Maggie died while giving birth, it's like it's her own life that was just shattered. The only thing Blair really remembers of that night is the sight of Dan, eyes red, holding his motherless son, looking as lost as ever, and she doesn't think she has ever been this heartbroken in her life.
X
Maggie's death is like a wake-up call to everyone. Or perhaps they just get used to life, Blair never gives it much thoughts. Helping Dan raise his son is what brings them all together. Nate keeps sending him catered food, Serena schedules appointments with the best pediatrician and Blair does for him the only thing she knows how to do; she shops. She takes care of buying things like the appropriate bottles for early stages, because Maggie had planned to breastfeed, and all those material things that were designed to replace a mother's care.
Dan's life is a perpetual litany of "thank you, I appreciate"
He and Blair don't meet at the café anymore. She comes to his loft, makes the coffee while he puts Jude down for a nap. They don't talk about movies and art anymore. Dan cries, for about an hour and a half until he has to go feed his son and Blair has to pick up her daughters from their dance lesson.
The years go by, and they all look tired to Dan. Even Serena who seemingly has everything she would want. They often have brunches on Sundays, with the children, and without Chuck. It's ironically only when the kids are running around, screaming, making a racket all together that Dan can think that their lives aren't so bad. Nate and his wife don't have children. However, Raina Thorpe gives birth to a little boy with caramel skin and blue eyes, and Nate often goes to Chicago; but no one ever talks to him about that.
On the night of Blair's thirty-second birthday, Dan thinks about it just has he kisses her on the cheek, handing her the book he got her.
He winks at her and says "Happy thirty-second birthday"
Blair smiles at him, and he can see she is thinking about it too.
"Thanks" she mutters.
It's only Nate and Serena, with them. Blair didn't want to socialize with anyone else. She has never tried to hide that she hates Nate's wife, and that she finds Serena's husband boring. The kids are all at Lily's, who is always pleased to have all of her grandchildren together, so they decide to order three bottles of champagne.
For one night, they break free from the heavy pattern and reminisce. Best parties, best hangovers, worst fights, most scandalous affairs; everything gets scanned and commented.
At a table nearby, there is a group of college trust-fund kids, probably celebrating nothing in particular and being extremely loud. Serena points at them.
"That was us. Twelve years ago. Jesus Christ"
"Yeah" Nate nods "The girl who looks like she's had one too many, that was you"
"And look at the boy who looks like he is bored out of his mind" Blair points discreetly "Humphrey, for sure"
"What?" Dan turns slightly to look "I wasn't like that"
"Please" Serena rolls her eyes "He probably can't wait to finish with those uneducated people and go home to read some new novelist that he finds sharp and refreshing"
Dan shakes his head, doesn't give in to their teasing. When the group of college kids finally leaves, the boy they were talking about stops at their table and blinks at Dan.
"Are you Daniel Humphrey?" he asks.
"Um, yes"
"I read your novel" he holds out his hand and Dan shakes it rather reluctantly "It was endearingly refreshing"
Blair, Nate and Serena duck their heads to hide their smile, but Dan hears them giggle a bit.
"Thanks" he tells the boy "What's your name?"
"John Walsh, sir"
"John, you wanna know something?" Dan asks, and the boy nods, his eyes round with eagerness. Dan points at his group of friends at the entrance of the restaurant "You see those people over there? They'll never go away. They'll be there forever. And they'll be sure to make your life hell"
This time, Nate laughs out loud, and John stands there, looking confused, until Dan tells him good night.
The waiters are already putting the chairs on the tables when the group decides to call the night. They all separate in front of the restaurant, and when Dan steps inside his empty, dark loft, everything doesn't feel as heavy as it did when he left it.
He has barely been asleep when his phone rings on his table.
"Should we do it?" Blair seems far too awake for that time of the night.
"Blair, it's two in the morning"
"Yes, I know. Answer me, and I'll hang up"
Dan sits in his bed, and rubs his eyes "Should we do what?"
"The pact we made" Blair says, and he is sure she is rolling her eyes "Should we go through with it?"
Dan takes a sharp breath "We were kids, Blair. It was twelve years ago"
"So?" he hears her shift in her bed "The fact is, we are thirty-two, and we are both single"
"But we did end up marrying someone"
"Yes, but right now, today, I'm divorced and you're…we're still alone, aren't we?"
Dan's silence is loaded with confusion, and a bit of hesitation. Blair lets him think for a while, just hopes he doesn't hang up and go back to sleep, pretending it was all a dream. When she cannot bear the silence anymore, she takes a deep breath.
"It's your call, Humphrey" she says "I'm in, if you're in"
"It would be crazy" Dan says, his throat tight.
"Just give me an answer"
"Right now is hardly the time to think about it"
"I've managed. What do you say, then?"
As usual, Blair is being pressuring, and he suspects it's to not give him time to make pros and cons. He barely has the time to go with his guts, and his guts tell him –
"Okay" he nods "Let's do it"
X
While Dan makes coffee, he watches Blair play with Jude on the couch, making him jump on her lap and saying "who's the most beautiful boy?" At least that's a pro, to their situation. Jude absolutely loves Blair.
She puts him down when Dan gives her a mug. He gives Jude a bottle of orange juice.
"What do we tell our kids?" Dan asks, sitting in the armchair facing the couch.
Blair shrugs "That we are going to be together. The girls love you and Jude. They will be thrilled to be living with you"
"Okay. What do we tell our friends?"
Blair sighs "That we decided on it, and that it's none of their business"
"They'll think we're crazy" Dan shakes his head "We will never hear the end of it"
"Don't worry, they'll only talk behind our backs"
Dan grunts, sips on his coffee. He doesn't ask about their parents, because they are the last ones who would be allowed to judge any kind of marriage.
"I think we should tell people that we fell in love" Dan says
Blair raises an eyebrow "Why? Love is not even in the top five of reasons why people get married nowadays"
"Wow" Dan blinks at her observation "Okay. But I think it will be more believable than 'we made a pact once when we were twenty and wasted'"
Blair sighs "As you wish, Cabbage Patch"
He is about to reprimand her for still calling him that, but it raises another question.
"Will you take my last name?"
Dan can't help being satisfied when he sees her eyes go round. Finally something she hadn't thought of. Blair regains quickly composure.
"No. I'll keep Waldorf, thank you very much"
"You took Chuck's name"
"It was different"
"Not really. You didn't really love him, when you married him" Dan looks her straight in the eyes "You only convinced yourself of it"
Blair's eyes narrow at him. She is not sure why of all the things they pretended not knowing about each other over the years, this is the one he decides to point out. It feels like he is testing her, and her limits.
"How about we both change it to Waldorf-Humphrey?" she asks
"Humphrey-Waldorf"
"Waldorf-Humphrey, final offer"
Dan looks at her for a moment, then nods. They both sip on their coffee; Jude is on the floor playing with a toy car, unaware of the changes being made in his life right under his nose.
"One more thing" Dan says.
"You're going to be the woman in this relationship, aren't you?" Blair asks, annoyed by his questions.
Dan ignores that. He grins at her "Summer or Winter wedding?"
X
They decide on the winter wedding; that way, their friends don't have much time to talk them out of it. They also decide to separate to tell the news. Dan tells Nate, Blair tells Serena.
"I'm sorry, what?" Nate frowns "Where did that come from?"
They are in his living room, beers in hands, watching a South American soccer game. Nate doesn't even notice Argentina scoring on Brazil.
Dan clears his throat, and gives a little shrug "We fell in love"
Nate frowns even more "Did you really?" he asks, suspicious.
Dan nods simply. It takes Nate a few more minutes to get around the idea, then he shakes his head with a laugh and hugs Dan.
"Whatever makes you happy, man" he tells him "You deserve it"
Telling Serena goes much smoother than Blair would have imagined. She does it at the spa, after a much relaxing Hamm am session and while getting a manicure. Serena's eyes widen at first, then her mouth opens to say nothing, and she ends up smiling, telling Blair she is actually surprised it didn't happen sooner. Blair doesn't know what to do with that information.
When she goes to Dan's for coffee in the afternoon, they report their conversations, and are both relieved of the way it turned out in general. Dan hesitates before asking her if he should come when she tells Chuck. Blair refuses.
Finding the right time to tell him is not easy, as Blair would have suspected. He is always busy, always out of town, and she doesn't want to spoil his week ends with the girls. So she waits, she waits, until she can't anymore.
She stops by his place late at night, one time.
Chuck snorts when she tells him, and rubs his face.
"Why wait so long to stab me in the back?" he asks "His wife has been buried for four years now, why wait for so long to make her turn in her grave?"
Blair frowns, takes a deep breath. She doesn't want to show she doesn't understand what he is saying, but he sees it on her face. He laughs, a bitter chime out of his mouth.
"Come on, Blair" he says "You didn't think me to be that stupid, did you?"
Blair doesn't answer. She stands up and walks to the exit.
"Or perhaps you are the stupid one" she hears Chuck say before she closes the door.
That night, when Blair goes to bed, she thinks of her conversation with Chuck, and of what Serena told her and she wonders if they might have been onto something that she never perceived.
PART TWO
Three days before the wedding, Dan and Blair move into an apartment in Serena's block. It has four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a study and Dan cannot believe what his life turned into. The moving is a quick affair; Blair hires the fastest movers she could find. Within one day, Dan has all of his and Jude's things out of the loft and into the new apartment.
The first night is the hardest. They order Japanese for dinner, and all eat on the mahogany table Blair got for her wedding to Chuck. It all feels pretty natural for a while, despite the unusual setting. Dinner with their children is something they've done before, and they almost forget about how it will be different, once the plates are empty. It's not until they have to put the kids to bed that they think about it.
Josie and Liz are thrilled about their new room, all pink and big enough for them to have their own closet. It's a bit more of a challenge to put Jude to bed. He falls asleep when crying and screaming exhausts him.
Dan and Blair lay next to each other in the master bedroom. They pretend it doesn't feel awkward or strange, but neither of them manages to fall asleep. Blair eventually lights up a lamp, and sits up. She starts talking about everything that was wrong in his latest published short story. Dan looks at her, taken aback that this is the way she chooses to enlighten the lingering tension, until she raises a point that he just has to counter.
Then it's like they are twenty again. He laughs when he finds her argument terribly snobbish, and she rolls her eyes at his debonair attitude. They talk until they hear Jude crying in his room.
Dan motions to get up, but Blair stops him.
"I've got it" she says.
She gets out of the room, and Dan leans back on the bed, his whole body tensed. When the door opens again, he sees Blair coming in, holding in her arms a sobbing Jude.
"There is a monster under his bed" she tells Dan with a tendered smile.
She turns the light off before putting Jude down on the bed between her and Dan. Dan forces his eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness so he can watch Blair soothe his son back to sleep.
X
Blair wears an Oscar de La Renta white skirt for the wedding, and an orange blouse. For once in her life, she hasn't given much attention to what clothes to wear. Afraid that it might be a subconscious sign of reluctance, Dan confronted her about it.
"It's the shoes, Dan" she told him "On your second wedding, everything is about the shoes"
Dan doesn't ask why, doesn't even want to know why. He just nods and say "it's pretty" to every pair of shoes she presents him. The ones she decides on are tall, pointy, and lacy and a whole lot of other adjectives that Dan would have never suspected using for shoes one day. But every time Blair glances at them, she smiles, and it is all that matters.
They specifically asked their friends not to come to City Hall, said it was something they needed to do on their own. Of course, when they arrived, Nate and Serena were already waiting there, dressed in a suit and a shiny dress.
Blair holds Dan's hand tight as they wait to be called, and he presses back from time to time. There are middle-aged couples, and young pregnant ones around them.
When they are standing in front of the city officer after having exchanged the customary vows and that she tells them that Dan may kiss the bride, he turns to Blair with an awkward smile. The officer stands confused when he chooses to kiss her on the forehead. Nate and Serena cheer childishly in the background, and it makes Blair laugh out loud.
They go to Lily and Rufus' afterwards, where the kids are waiting and where Rufus made what he calls the bridal brunch.
Josie and Liz compliment their mother's outfit, ask questions such as "Is Uncle Dan going to be with us forever?" and Jude is just happy to have his father back to play with him. Everything feels light, and easy; and Dan sees it again, on Blair, the glow.
That night, they tell their kids goodbye and go to the room Nate and Serena booked them at the Ritz.
They drink a glass of champagne, eat some strawberries. Then they are standing two feet from each other in the room, and the giant bed on their side feels like it's staring at them.
Blair swallows, then reaches behind her head to undo the tangles of her hair. Dan takes off his jacket. Blair tucks her blouse out of her skirt, Dan undoes his cuff-links. They remove their top at the same time, and Dan takes in a sharp breath at the sight of her lace bra. Blair removes her earrings and he gets rid of his watch. She pushes her skirt off; Dan does the same with his pants and shoes.
When they are standing in their underwear, Blair in her lace lingerie, garter-belt and heels, looking so very sexy, and him in his boxers and undershirt and socks, looking so very ridiculous, he holds up a hand in the air.
"We don't have to do this tonight" he says "This isn't 1760"
Blair laughs, then reaches behind her back to unhook her bra. She lets it fall down her arms, and onto the floor and Dan can't help it; he stares. Because this is Blair, showing him her breasts, being okay with showing her breasts and he feels like a fucking virgin.
Dan watches as she walks to her overnight bag and takes out a condom that she puts on the nightstand. He actually takes a step back when he sees her walk forward. Blair raises her eyebrows with her smile.
"I'm not going to eat you, Humphrey"
"Actually, it's Waldorf-Humphrey, now"
Blair laughs nervously "Sure"
She takes his hand in hers, and makes him sit on the bed, standing between his legs. While she kicks away her heels, she tugs up his undershirt. Then she gently places Dan's hands on her hips, releasing them once he starts moving them slowly up and down her sides.
"I haven't…" Dan swallows "I haven't had…ever since…"
Blair's eyes stretch when she understands what he is trying to tell her.
"Not once?" she asks softly.
Dan shakes his head.
"Why not?"
"Well, it's not that easy. I was busy with Jude and stuff" he shrugs "How many times have you, anyway, since the divorce?"
Blair has a thoughtful pout "Every time Carter Baizen was in town"
Dan frowns "Really? You never told me that" He rests his hands on her upper sides, his thumbs grazing at the start of her curves.
Blair inhales sharply "Because I didn't want to hear you rant about how I deserved someone who would love me and treat me right, et cetera."
"Mmh"
Dan's hands move to cover her breast, and he looks at her face, studying her reaction. She is biting her bottom lip and looking down to his chest. They stay this way for a while, his fingers pressing around her swells and his thumb grazing lightly hardening nipples.
Then Dan leans forward to kiss her collarbone, and goes lower and lower, until his lips are around the peak of her right breast. Blair presses his head closer to her.
"Your socks" she whispers "Take them off"
Dan obliges before taking Blair by the hips, and turns them around to lay her on the bed. He pushes her until she is sitting on it, her back against the headboard. Blair looks at him like she is not really there, not really with him, not fully aware. Dan moves above her, to kiss her breasts again, then her stomach still lightly stretched from the twins, then her hipbone, then her thighs. When his mouth settles on the back of her knee, he hooks his fingers in the side of her panties and rolls them down.
He looks at her face, then, discarding the underwear, because he can't look anywhere else. It's Blair, and the last time he dreamed of having her this way, in his arms, he was twenty-two, at most. So he watches her face the whole time; her lower lip sucked in when he touches, stroking lightly; the way her eyes lazily close when he presses a soft kiss on her; her mouth opening, letting out silent moans when he starts using his tongue; the crease between her brows when he joins his fingers to the dance.
When he feels her starting to tense, he goes up, twisting his body on hers to kiss every spot of skin he can without his hand leaving between her legs. He worries a spot right behind her ear with his tongue, while his fingers work in and out of her, until he feels her clench several times around them.
He hears her moan his name, softly. Her eyes flutter open, and she looks at him like she is waking up from a dream.
Blair curls a hand on the back of his neck, bringing him down and Dan instantly closes his eyes. The kiss is so very different from the one they shared, twelve years ago in the dim light of her foyer. The one just before she decided that it didn't mean anything, and he tried to convince himself of it.
They kiss for a long time, like two teenagers who don't see the point of going anywhere further. But Blair wants, she wants him, all of him. She wants to feel his kindness, and his sassiness; all those things that she finds annoying about him, but likes anyway, she wants him to show her how it translates with his body.
She presses a leg between his, doesn't find what she would like to. Dan pulls away, slightly ashamed.
"I'm sorry" he whispers, pressing his forehead against hers so he doesn't have to look her in the eyes.
"It's okay" Blair grazes his cheek "We have all night"
They get rid of his underwear and her garter-belt and stockings before kissing again, completely naked against each other. They kiss, and kiss, and kiss; and it feels nice, but it still isn't happening. Blair feels hot, and so very ready for him, so she gets a bit impatient.
"Do you want me to…?" she starts asking, and brushes her fingertips on his stomach.
"No, I just…wait" Dan pulls away and sits on the edge of the bed, still refusing to look at her.
Blair watches his back as he starts working himself. She kneels on the bed and wrap her arms around him from behind, feeling him tense slightly.
"Shh" she whispers in his ear "It's okay"
She puts her hand flat on his chest and feels him relax.
"I'm so happy to be here, with you" she says against the skin on his shoulder "You're my best friend. There is no one else I would rather be with"
Dan's free hand goes to take one of hers, and brings it to his mouth.
"When we were younger, I would think of you, sometimes" she confesses. She hears his breath gets ragged "I've always had fantasies about making love in a museum, and after I knew you, after I really knew you, the faceless man would have your traits, your hair; the poetry he would whisper in my ear started to have a drawling Brooklyn accent"
The hand he is not holding travels south on his body, wraps around his other one. She flushes as she feels the rise and fall.
"Then I would stop myself from thinking about it, because it was you, Humphrey" she chuckles "But once or twice, I did allow myself to push my underwear away and…"
Dan moans, and it strikes desire through Blair, much more than she would have imagined. His hand goes away slowly, until it's only hers around him. She doesn't have a lot of time to think about the fact that it's Dan, right there, hard and ready in her hand.
"The best part was meeting you at MoMA the day after. And imagine how you would react if only you knew what I had done to myself, thinking of you at that very place, the night before"
She gasps a little when Dan turns around to push her back against the bed, pressing her into the mattress. He looks at her with a smile now, a bit smug.
"I knew you wanted to get in my pants" he says.
He kisses her again, and Blair gets so lost into it that she barely feels him moving to take the condom on the nightstand, his lips never leaving hers. When he presses his hot length deep into her, Blair is aware of him, of all of him.
He thrust a few times, then rolls on his back, bringing her above him, sending himself even deeper than he would have thought possible. Blair's hand press on his chest, hard, while she finds the rhythm appropriate to make them moan.
She rocks her hips above him, steady, looking him in the eyes.
"Blair" he whispers.
She nods, telling him that it's her, that it's them, that it's right. He puts his hands on her hips, accompanying her movements, guiding her on him.
Dan comes loudly, and so hard that it triggers her second climax. She rides the pleasure with him as long as she can, then she falls on top of him, spent. She is barely aware of him pulling out of her, and discarding the condom before coming back to gather her flush body into his arms, before she falls asleep.
When she wakes up in the darkness of the room, she is not really shocked, nor surprised to hear him cry. They might be in this together, but it didn't start the same way. Dan never stopped loving his wife; she died.
He is lying on his side, his back facing her once again. Through her half-sleep, Blair reaches to pull him toward her. He lets her, puts his soak cheek against her naked chest, and Blair strokes his hair, holding him until she hears him snore again.
The second time she wakes up, it's dawn. Dan is propped up on his elbow and looking down at her.
"Hey" he says.
His soft voice suits the quiet, light ambiance in the room.
"Hi" she answers.
Dan pushes her hair behind her ear, and strokes her cheek.
"We're married" he says, with a smile.
Blair smiles, and nods "Yes. We are"
X
Dan kind of expected it, although not as much, but being Waldorf-Humphrey makes him happier than he has been in a long time. There is something, about knowing that your best friend will always be by your side, no matter what.
Elizabeth and Josephine are starting to really understand what is happening. It's not surprising, they are turning nine soon. But they seem to be completely on board with it. They got accustomed easily to the fact that Dan is now the one who is picking them up from school, and that if they want sweets after dinner, Dan is the one they should go to.
They still call him Uncle Dan, and he wouldn't want it any other way anyway; he figures it'll change, when they grow up and realize by themselves it's not really adequate.
Jude starts kindergarten, and it all seems too fast to Dan. Blair keeps telling him that it's normal not to realize how fast the kids grow, but it doesn't feel normal to Dan to drop him off with the other kids, and the woman that he reports won't let him play with the xylophone during naptime.
Being a parent of three is highly different than being a parent of one. Dan feels like he is always running everywhere, to music lessons, dance lessons, play dates, PTA meetings, doctors; always more shopping to do, always more rules to put down. Blair is getting used way easily, because she has been doing this for longer, and with two of them. Adding one to the plate is hardly a challenge to her.
Dan is happy she trusts him easily with her daughters. He regrets it the day she runs early to W, because of an emergency –Dan does not dare wonder out loud what kind of emergency a fashion magazine has –and leaves him to get the girls ready for school. Dan does not know how to braid hair, and does not know how to match outfits. And they like to do this thing, when they pretend that they are the other one, and run around so Dan cannot check for the birthmark on their ankles to see if they are lying or not.
He gets it after a while, though. Liz always wears her christening bracelet on her right wrist; Josie wears it on the left. Dan feels dumb the day Blair explains it to him.
They don't question their situation. They are married, and they are happy. When they meet for lunch with their friends, Dan casually rests his arm on Blair's chair. Blair chooses his tie when he has to go meet his publisher. It's not a big deal. They learn fast to work as a team, and a weight is lifted from both of their shoulders.
The only time they come back and talk about their decision, is a night when the kids all caught a bad flu. The whole house turns into a festival of coughs, sneezes and heavy breathing. It's way past bedtime, but Dan and Blair are both sitting in their bathroom with their children, everyone wearing pajamas, the hot water running in the shower to steam up the room.
Dan holds both of the girls against his chest, and Jude is resting on Blair.
"This kid is like a virus shooter" Dan says, looking at his son.
"And it's not over" Blair mumbles "Once they all recover and become hyperactive again, it'll be our turn"
"I am going to hate the next two weeks, aren't I?"
Blair nods "Under delirium, we might even start to draw a plan to drop them incognito at a fire station"
"It's amazing how those things eat up your life, isn't it?" Dan glances down at the two snoozing girls. "How did you manage, all these years, with two of them and on your own?"
"I wasn't on my own. There was Chuck"
Dan gives Blair a knowing look. She sighs.
"I don't know. It doesn't matter anymore. I have you, now. Daniel Humphrey, my husband"
She laughs, and Dan laughs with her.
"Twelve years ago, did you really think we would have gone through with it?" he asks.
Blair shakes her head "Honestly, not one second. You?"
Dan shrugs "I never thought we would have to. I thought that we would find our way to each other, sooner or later"
He doesn't know if it's the steam that makes him dizzy enough not to realize how brutally honest he is being; much more than he was ever with himself. Blair instinctively presses Jude closer to her, taking in his words.
"What do you mean?"
Dan laughs "I'm happy with you. I really am. But when we were younger, I had all those dreams about how we would realize that we had this bond that clearly meant we should be together. But then you and Chuck…and me and Maggie. And those ended, and…I don't know. I just think, we're married now, and we're happy right?"
Blair nods slowly, wonders what to expect out of his mouth next. Dan sighs.
"But what if we still missed out on something?"
Josie and Liz start to cough simultaneously, and stop the same. It still scares Dan a little how they do that.
"So…" Blair clears her unexpectedly tight throat "What you're saying is, hadn't we gotten married…."
"…we might have fallen in love" Dan nods.
He refuses to look up at her. He wouldn't know what to feel if he did. After a silent moment, Blair whispers;
"We're idiots"
Dan laughs slightly, and this time, he does look up.
"We really are" he says.
X
It's summer, and they still haven't decided if they want to go to on an European adventure or simply stay lazily in the Hamptons. Blair wants Europe, because, who wouldn't? Dan wants the Hamptons, because with the heat, the kids are going to be unbearable and they won't even remember Europe anyway, once they grow up.
On the last day of school, Blair is standing in her kitchen, reading a travel magazine to check what is doable with children in Europe, hoping to prove Dan wrong. She shoves it into a cupboard when she hears Dan come in the apartment. She doesn't actually hear Dan, just the door opening and the kids running inside, screaming, showing their joy of finally being in summer vacation.
Blair is not always home when they come back from school, and when she is, the house is buzzing for at least an hour. They all absolutely have to tell her everything that's happened during the day, in every little detail.
"Mom, mom! Today, Steven Perkins threw up in a bin!" Josie jumps up and down in front of her.
"And Allison told us that someone went on the moon once!" Liz starts running around Blair.
"Marvelous" Blair says, trying not to get dizzy from all the movements.
They are still rambling when Dan comes in the kitchen, holding an overly excited Jude. He puts him down and kisses Blair on the cheek.
"Left work early?" he asks, opening the fridge to prepare afternoon snacks.
"Yep" Blair separates her daughters who started pulling on each other's ponytail.
It always starts as a game, and always ends in tears.
"Still trying to prove me Europe is a better idea?" he asks.
Blair rolls her eyes at him, and Dan grins picking up Jude and making him seat at the kitchen table. They sit with the children, Dan casually checking his e-mails on his phone, and Blair making sure Jude doesn't snort his juice.
"Mommy, are we going to see Grandpa Harold soon?" Josie asks.
"I wanna see Grandpa Cyrus!" Liz frowns. "Tell me we're gonna see him soon Mommy!"
Dan and Blair exchange a look. It's the eternal fight between the girls.
"Mommy, I did painting today!" Jude holds up his green fingers, now covered with chocolate, to show Blair.
Blair's mouth drops. It's not the first time Jude has been touched by the girls' energetic mood. It's however, the first time he calls her anything else than "Blaih". He stretches his arm so she can see better.
"Look mommy, look!"
Blair wants to answer, as usual, than she sees and that she is proud of him, but nothing comes out of her open mouth. Jude however, insists; the girls are too busy giggling at their mother's numb state to even realize what Jude is saying.
Blair snaps out of it when Dan stands up to pick up Jude.
"Mommy is tired" he tells him "Let's go have a bath shall we? Come on girls"
Blair looks at Dan, swallows the lump in her throat. She still cannot say anything.
"I'm not really surprised" he says, barely stopping Jude from wiping his chocolate fingers onto his face "Are you?"
After dinner, as they are getting ready to go to bed, Blair has processed what has happened. She rambles about how she doesn't mean to take Maggie's place in Jude's life, how she would never even think of it, and other stuff that she forgets, because Dan kisses her to shut her up.
As he moves into her that night, he whispers against her skin "It's you, Blair. It's you, all of you, it's always you"
She really doesn't know what he means by that, but she takes it anyway, and gives it back with her lips on his.
X
One Saturday afternoon, deep into the heat of July, Dan and Blair are sitting, drinking ice tea on the veranda of the Hampton house they rented and watching closely the kids splashing around in the swimming pool.
They don't discuss modern art, or golden age movies anymore, since it's all they do after dinner anyway. Instead, they talk about life, theirs, those of others. They discuss Serena's second pregnancy, how it makes her crazier than she already was; they discuss Nate's divorce and his decision to move to Chicago.
Dan makes a joke about Manhattan's favorite moving to the Midwest; it's not even clever, but Blair throws her head back and laughs anyway. In the softness of the afternoon, he sees it again, the glow. It's been there for a while now, and he always stopped himself from noticing it, not knowing what to do with the idea that perhaps, he was the cause.
But then, it's there again. The house phone starts ringing, Blair gets up to go pick it up, and Dan stops her on the way. The sun is in his eyes, and he has to get up too so he won't cringe, so he'll look her in the eyes when he tells her he loves her.
Blair instantly smiles, not pulling back the slightest.
"Really?" she asks.
Dan nods, the same smile on his face. As if they were still twenty, Blair jumps on him, making him stumble backward, and they both fall into the pool. Blair is still kissing him when they emerge. Life is loud around them, the phone still ringing and their children cheering, making fun of them for falling in the water fully clothed, but it doesn't stop Dan from hearing when she answers.
"I love you too"
After that day, they say it again; at any moment, whenever they feel it. And they never look back.
The piece of smut was the longest I have ever written haha. It took me hours, and I felt like a real creep afterwards. I'll be back soon with the follow up of La Bohème, and Square One (sorry for the delay about that one, Blair is just a real pain in the ass to write)
Love! xo