Notes: Petra is from the first season episode 'Kids'. The title explains the rest.
Scenes from Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital upon the Hiring of Doctor Petra Gilmar, M.D. as Assistant Dean of Medicine
by Ijemanja
"Good call," Wilson said. "I liked her when we met last year. Not like that," he added quickly when Cuddy looked at him.
She kept looking at him.
"Okay," he amended, "Not entirely like that."
*
"Isn't anybody curious why a woman who spent four years completing a specialty in... something I can't remember, and just last year was pursuing an exciting new career in the field of diagnostics suddenly wants a shiny new administrative position of her very own?"
House had just burst into her office and started talking.
Cuddy, being used to this, took her time looking up from her desk.
"If you're so interested, why don't you go ask her yourself?"
He shrugged. "You've seen one megalomaniac unable to cut it as a real doctor so they think, hey, telling other doctors what to do will be more fun anyway and - well, you know it goes."
"I think you're just pouting because you didn't hire her when you had the chance."
"I don't pout. This is my conscientious-concern face."
"Uh-huh."
"Really, you should watch your back. I think she's after your job."
"You don't like ambition, House. That doesn't make it the mark of Cain."
"Yeah, but have you seen her shoes?" he demanded.
Cuddy shrugged. "I like her shoes."
He stared at her blankly. "Give me a moment here, I'm trying to muster up my surprised face. It could take a while."
"Let me know how you do with that. Meanwhile, I have work to do."
She went back to it and House - as she knew he would - eventually got bored with no one paying attention to him and left.
*
Chase removed the tongue depressor he stirred his coffee with from his mouth and said: "Wilson told me House almost hired her last year. You know, when Cameron quit for that whole two days?"
Foreman was slightly impressed. "Really."
Chase nodded. "She's pretty hot."
"Yeah."
"Yeah," came a third voice. Both men turned towards Cameron, who had suddenly joined the conversation. "What?" she said. "I've seen her. She is hot."
Foreman and Chase exchanged looks.
"Think we should tell House she said that?" Chase asked.
"I'll tell him myself," Cameron muttered, ignoring them then in favour of wondering if the new Assistant Dean would be up for a threesome.
*
"As if one of them wasn't bad enough." House lounged against the admissions desk and gestured with his lollipop. Through the two sets of doors leading to Cuddy's office both women could be seen in conversation. "It's like Cuddy and Cuddy lite."
"Your criteria being... that they're both Jewish?" Wilson said. "Female? Snappy dressers?"
"She hires someone younger and hotter than she is and tells herself it's like looking in a mirror."
"Right. If she wanted to have a mid-life crisis, why didn't she just buy a motorcycle and start wearing a leather jacket like a normal person?"
"Or find someone younger and hotter than she is and sleep with them, not hire them."
There was a pause as both men thought about that.
"Well," Wilson said, "Maybe she's planning on killing two birds with one stone."
House nodded sagely. "Way better than a motorcycle. Well..."
*
"You're the new girl?" Brenda said, barely giving her a glance before shoving a file at her. "You're five minutes late. You get the homeless guy throwing up in exam two."
*
"Dr Cuddy."
Petra's office wasn't as nice - or as big - as her own. But it was still nice. She looked around as she took a seat, smiling warmly.
"How was your first day?"
"You threw me in at the deep end - clinic duty, wrangling paperwork out of House -"
"How did that go?"
"Sort of like squeezing blood from a stone, actually. Apparently he's started referring to me as 'I can't believe it's not Cuddy'."
Cuddy shrugged. "This is the job. Still interested?"
"I don't scare that easily. I do have a few questions, though."
"Fire away."
"Actually, there's just one. How long after starting a new job do you think someone should wait before making a pass at their boss?"
Cuddy blinked. Then her smile widened. "You're very forward. Not everyone appreciates that in an employee, you know."
Petra leaned forward, hands folded across the desk and spoke confidingly. "During my first interview, when you mentioned you liked my shoes? I couldn't help but notice they weren't the only things you were admiring. So I figured it was worth a shot. But maybe I was wrong." She shrugged. "Maybe I just need to be brought up to speed on our policy for workplace relationships."
Cuddy nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe you do."
"Maybe over dinner."
"I'll have to check my schedule," Cuddy said, getting to her feet, "See when I'm free. But I think I can squeeze you in, Dr Gilmar."
"Dr Cuddy." She stopped at the door. "Have I said how grateful I am for this opportunity? I think I'm going to find my new position here extremely satisfying."
Cuddy, who was starting to think she was going to find Petra's position here extremely satisfying too, smiled and said: "Count on it."