The Sakura Versus Ino Story

by Ferro Facade

God, I've just realized how stupid I was when I was writing this... This dates a few years back so pardon me if it sounds... rash and childish.

1. Chapter 1

From the brother of the Filipino author who brought you "The Wedding Night", "The Wedding Night 2", "Iron Maiden and Dowser Knight", "Reminiscent Memories" and "One Day in the Life of Hikaru and Nova Shidou"…

...Come a story of epic stupidity and random insanity, such that readers will be driven to wonder just exactly what the hell kind of story was this, why are they wasting their Internet hours on this, should they review this absolute piece of crap, and is the person who wrote this story some kind of repressed fan boy…

…Prepare yourselves for cut scenes, fan service, suggestive ideas pertaining to hot tea and all, shameless insertions and dragging unsuspecting writers into the fray…

…Prepare yourselves for…

…The Sakura Versus Ino Story: What In The Nine Hells Kind of Freakin' Dream Is This???

"Before reading this fan fiction, be sure that you great faith to FanFiction.net. If you don't have, don't read this. Thank you."

-Earl Osborne

"I didn't write this work. I merely edited it. Really. And if you don't believe me, I'll kill you. All of you. Really."

-Sheo Darren

The Sakura Versus Ino Story: What In The Nine Hells Kind of Freakin' Dream Is This???

Original Concept and Script Draft: Earl Osborne

Extensive Editing and Intense Psychological Counseling: Sheo Darren

Disclaimer: Earl Osborne does not own Naruto and whatever else he plagiarizes here. He's just a Haruno Sakura fan boy gone wrong, horribly wrong…

Dream/Chapter One

"Everyone! Let's Get Ready!"

(The scene has Earl Osborne soundly asleep on the sofa. A Red Alert 2 Conscript walks over to him and wakes him up.)

Conscript: "Hey, boss. Are you awake?"

Earl: wakes up "Huh? Oh, so sorry lieutenant. I was just in a trance"

Conscript: puzzled "Ah…ok. Sir, beer?"

Earl: "Sure. Make it San Miguel." to himself "Damn, that dream can make me freak out."

Conscript: "Sir? What are you talking about?"

Earl: "Nah. Don't mind what I said. Just get my beer A.S.A.P."

(Once the bodyguard was asleep, Earl hears a joyfully LOUD call from outside. Outside was a pink-haired ninja girl approaching a dark-haired ninja boy who was sitting on a log contemplating revenge on the people who killed his family.)

Pink-Haired Ninja Girl: happily "Sasuke-kun!"

(It's Naruto's Haruno Sakura!)

Sasuke: "Hmm?"

(Torpe ng gagong ito, ano?)

(Suddenly! [shock and awe] Another girl, a blonde girl with ponytail and long bangs, appears and calls Sasuke.)

Blonde Ninja Girl With Ponytail And bangs: "Sasuke-kun! How's your day?"

(Scene cuts back to Earl who is shrugging to his faithful Conscript bodyguard Molotov.)

Earl: "Here we go again… Round 52, everyone?"

Molotov: "Boss Earl, are your wards up to crasy (yes, 'crasy', not 'crazy') stuff again?"

(Scene returns to Sakura and the newcomer girl, Ino.)

Sakura: "Hey, Ino, are you challenging me to a fight?"

Ino: confidently "Like you're worth a fight to me, wussy girl?" (yes, yes, Ino doesn't talk like that but let it be) "I'll give you what you want, loser."

Sakura: threateningly "Don't call me 'Wussy Girl'."

Ino: "Wussy Girl, Wussy Girl, Wussy Girl! Oh, look at the Wussy Girl!" makes faces at Sakura

(Scene cuts to Earl and Molotov again)

Molotov: "They're pretty out of character here, you know, boss."

Earl: "Shush. The story's getting to the good part."

(Back to Sakura and Ino)

Sakura: "Argh! You're making me angry! You don't want me angry!"

Molotov: "And are we ripping off movies now, too?"

Earl: "You seem to forget who pays you your salary."

Molotov: very sarcastically "Yay. Boss Earl is so great and brilliant and powerful. You're the best, Boss Earl…"

Earl: "Hey… where's the (Scene cuts back to Earl and Molotov) comment?"

Molotov: "It takes too much time and money to make. We're on a tight budget, remember?"

Earl: "Oh."

Sakura: shrilling angrily "YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU SAID! FLYING NINJA KICK!"

Molotov: "Isn't that supposed to be Person With Many Aliases' attack?"

Earl: "Well, it was a flying kick, and a ninja did it, so it logically follows that it is a Flying Ninja Kick."

Molotov: "Won't Person WMA get angry if you rip it off him?"

Earl: "I'm sure Sheo Darren won't squeal on me."

(The scene cuts to Sheo Darren)

Sheo: "Leave me alone. I'm not supposed to be here. Go bother Yuuki instead."

(The scene cuts to Yuuki Darren.)

Yuuki: "If Lone Wolf SIX ever sees you messing up Naruto like this, Earl, you will regret having ever existed on this world at all…"

(And the scene returns to the fight between Sakura and Ino. There is, interestingly, a guy standing on top of a telephone pole watching the fight.)

Naruto: "Hmmm…this is getting interesting…"

(Said telephone pole collapses, falling on Naruto.)

Naruto: "ARGH! HEEEELLLPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEE! I'M DYIIIIIINNNNGGGGG!"

Molotov: "Boss, we gotta do something."

Earl: seriously "You're right." crazily "Let's sell tickets! Call the manager!"

Sakura: does the Flying Ninja Kick (trademark of Person WMA) "HAII-YAH!"

(Flying Ninja Kick hits Ino hard.)

Ino: clutches herself in pain "Ugh. That kick… it's so powerful…"

Sakura: grinning proudly "I improvised the heels of my shoes to be hard, thus multiplying the hitting power of my Flying Ninja Kick."

Ino: pained "You're…going to…pay for…this…"

Sakura: gets into her pose "Hmph. Bring it on."

Earl: "Hey, Molotov. I noticed something. Why didn't they use their Chakra?"

Molotov: "I dunno, Boss. You should ask yourself that question. It's your fan fiction, after all."

Earl: "Very funny, Molotov. And what's with the scientific basis of making your shoe heels harder to improve the damage of your kick?"

Molotov: "Will you get angry at me if I said, 'Ask yourself that question, Boss'?"

Earl: "Never mind. Let's just get them to an arena for later."

Molotov: "Arena? As in, 'One On One'?"

Earl: "Shh. No one but Sheo is supposed to know about that."

(Scene cuts to an annoyed Sheo.)

Sheo: annoyed "Just you dare…"

(And back to the fight!)

Ino: "You're going to pay for this, wussy girl!"

Sakura: "Yeah right, 'coz you're a dumb blonde."

Ino: "You'll never win against me."

Molotov: "Boss, the manager said we need to pay a million bucks to stage a match."

Earl: "Yeah, yeah. Here you go. Give it to the stupid moron Sapphire. He'll like this match."

(But out from the darkness comes …a Ragnarok Online Cobold.)

Cobold: "Arf!"

(Sakura and Ino looked at the Cobold. The Cobold barked at Ino because it senses a great evil on her.)

(Scene cuts to Earl Osborne waking up on the sofa and Sheo Darren just arriving)

Earl: "Huh? What in the Nine Hells kind of freakin' dream was that?"

Sheo: "Hey, Earl. You aren't really going to write down that weird dream of yours and post it on fanfiction.net, are you?"

Earl: "Too late. Working on a sequel now…"

Sheo: "You mean this entire stupid thing isn't a one-shot?"

Earl: "Course not. Thanks for editing."

Sheo: "You do know that people might find it hard to believe that I only helped out here, right? That they might think that I and not you wrote this entire thing by myself, do you? That they might think this is actually my work?"

Earl: "No."

Sheo: "In ignorance is bliss, indeed. Never mind…"

Earl: "Well anyway, the next chapter will come! It's a 'One On One' chappie, too!"

Sheo: "I told you not to mention 'One On One'."

Earl: "Eh? Did you?"

Sheo: "Lavi?"

Lavi: "Yeah, Sheo?"

Sheo: "Make it hurt. Please."

Lavi: "With pleasure."

(Sounds of great violence and screams of pain)

Earl: "Wait for the next chapter: One On One Match Up: A Strip Match? Until then, peeeeeeeepppppppppppzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

(Loud crash. Looks like he fell from a cliff. Hmm…wha-EYARGH!! Have mercy Earl! Have merc- slash!)

To Be Continued…

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