Dirty Peaches 6:The Day the Flying Saucer Thingy Came
By Mitchell Coward
Published by Coward Inc.
Once upon a time, before Spongebob was a sponge and Mary Poppins had her flying umbrella, there was a girl named Dirty Peaches. Ringo freaked out after Dirty said she loved him, and the two became worst enemies. They wouldn't even look at each other. On the other hand, Mr. Coops was happy because he didn't want Dirty dating Ringo anyway. Janet became a hero in the town, and every time an enemy came close she would just blow it away with her magic. The kingdom went back to normal. For a very long time there were no radioactive rats, mean princess's, or crazy witch ladies. The kingdom was fine. The citizens were shocked since nothing had happened. They were as happy as ever. One day the King called everyone to the castle to tell them something very important. "I have decided that since we have had so good luck lately that we should throw a party to celebrate!" he exclaimed. The crowd cheered. "But I can't do this alone," he continued. "I will need several volunteers. If you are interested, please go to one of the three tables to your right and sign up." A lot of people went to the table to sign up, including Dirty and Janet. "This we'll be a lot of fun!" exclaimed Janet. Over the next few weeks Dirty, Janet, and all the other people who signed up set up the party. Then, it was ready. "Tonight's the night!" exclaimed Dirty. "You do know that something will go wrong, don't you?" asked Janet. "Nothing's going to go wrong," replied Dirty. The two headed for the party. When Dirty saw Ringo, she frowned. "Why is he here?" asked Dirty. "Anyone can come," replied Janet. The King walked up to the balcony. "Greetings, everyone!" he exclaimed. "As you can see tonight is the big night. All of our volunteers worked very hard on setting this up for you, and I just wanted to say, have a wonderful evening!" The crowd cheered. There were people playing music, people cracking jokes, and there were games, but not like the games we play today. "We did a good job!" yelled Dirty. "Heck yeah!" replied Janet. Dirty started to dance with Janet. Then the music stopped. People stopped dancing. They all stared at a giant spaceship in the sky. It was right over the castle. "What is it?" asked Dirty. "How do you expect me to know?" replied Janet. "You're a wizard," said Dirty. "You're supposed to be smart." "I am pretty smart, but I have never read anything about a giant flying saucer thingy like that!" yelled Janet. A green light showed from the bottom of the spacecraft. "Pretty," said Dirty. Then the spacecraft shot a giant laser beam at the castle, and it exploded. "This party isn't really as fun as the King said it would be!" yelled Dirty. Everyone ran away. "I told something would wrong" shouted Janet. "But I didn't think it would be a flying saucer destroying the castle!" "Me either!" replied Dirty. The spacecraft quickly flew over to the restaurant, and blew it up too. "My suspense novels!" yelled Mr. Coops. "Noooooooooooo!" Dirty realized her only choice was to go to her Aunt Crazy's house. "This way!" she yelled. When they made it to the house and knocked on the door, nobody came. "Hello!" yelled Dirty. "What!" yelled Aunt Crazy. It's Dirty, you're niece!" yelled Dirty. "My niece is dirty!" shouted Aunt Crazy. "You should give her a bath." "No, it's me Dirty Peaches!" shouted Dirty. "Shut up, I'm coming!" yelled Aunt Crazy. It must have taken her at least 30 minutes to make it to the door, and when she opened it, she smiled. "Oh hello Dirty," she said. "Come in." As soon as they got inside, they looked out the window. They saw little green and blue people walking around. "What are they?" asked Dirty. "I don't know," replied Janet. "What should we call them?" asked Dirty. "How about coffee," said Mr. Coops. "No!" yelled Dirty. "What about aliens," said Janet. "Perfect!" exclaimed Dirty. "Hey, have you seen Ringo?" asked Mr. Coops. "Uh oh," replied Dirty. They looked Out the window and saw Ringo being sucked into a spaceship. "We made a boo boo." said Dirty. "Tea, anyone?" asked Aunt Crazy. Over the next few days the group thought of an idea of how to beat the aliens. While they were brainstorming ideas, the aliens destroyed everything. Janet one day decided she had had enough. She went out and destroyed every single alien spaceship and alien there was. She was satisfied until an even bigger mother ship came and dropped off twice as many aliens. "Crap," Janet whispered. When she walked back in the house, she was immediately criticized by her friends. "Nice job Janet!" yelled Dirty, sarcastically. "Quiet!" yelled Janet. "We have to beat them somehow. I have an idea. We should put some kind of explosive in the mother ship. When it explodes, all the aliens will leave." "Good idea!" exclaimed Dirty. "We just need an explosive. One that will make a big boom!" "I don't know a spell for making explosives yet, but I'll look in my book." said Janet. Janet went and sat down. Over the next few months Dirty watched as the aliens destroyed every building in the city, but they didn't try to destroy the house. Dirty remembered that every other time there was something trying to destroy them, they could never destroy Aunt Crazy's house. Janet never did find a spell for explosives, so she set off on a journey for the wizard headquarters. One day Aunt Crazy felt like telling a story. "Want to hear a story?" asked Aunt Crazy. "Sure!" said Dirty and Mr. Coops. "Okay then," said Aunt Crazy. "About 500 years ago when I was 12, I was walking down a…" She was interrupted by Mr. Coops. "How old are you?" he asked. "Why should I tell you," asked Aunt Crazy. "I was just wondering," said Mr. Coops. "Well, I'm 3,054," said Aunt Crazy. She's very confused. "I would like to go back to telling my story now," she continued. "Don't interrupt." "Sorry," said Mr. Coops. "You are acting like a child right now," said Aunt Crazy. "Now, where were we. Ah, here we are. I was walking down the road when I started talking to a cow named Michael Jackson. He told me I needed to get a strange thing called bubblegum. I had no idea what he was talking about, so I left. Then a chicken named Indiana Jones lifted me into the air and threw me to a magical wonderland of a delicious candy called cotton candy. I met a nice wizard named George Washington there, and asked him where I could find bubblegum. He told me to follow the pink brick road. Along the way I met a nice lawnmower named Paul McCartney. He accompanied me on my journey. When I made it to the bubblegum and picked it up, I was teleported back to the road I was on before. The bubblegum was tasty, but when I swallowed it, I didn't fell very good. The End." "Great Story!" exclaimed Mr. Coops. Dirty sighed. A few weeks went by and Janet finally showed up with a piece of paper in her hand. "This should work," said Janet. She waved her wand in the air and poof, a red stick popped in front of them. "What should we call it?" asked Dirty. "Coffee," said Mr. Coops. "No!" yelled Dirty. "How about, Dynamite," said Janet. "Perfect," said Dirty. The next day Dirty convinced her Aunt to go and act like an idiot. She went and started acting like a monkey. The mother ship came over to her. Then Janet pushed Dirty in the air, she lit the dynamite, put it in the ship, and BOOM! At first nothing happened, but then the ship blew into pieces, and destroyed the whole kingdom. Ringo fell out of the ship. "Thank you Dirty," he said. "You saved me." "Yeah, I did, but I don't know about everyone else," said Dirty. She looked down at the ruins of the kingdom. "They aren't going to be happy about that," said Aunt Crazy. "They aren't going to be happy at all."