Things I'll Never Say, an inuyasha fanfic

-Lyrics for "Things I'll Never Say" by Avril Lavigne-

I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

Kagome stared at the ground, afraid to meet the hanyou's gaze. Why had she told him that she needed to talk to him in the first place? Because you want to tell him how you feel, baka, she reminded herself. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with shaking fingers. Why was she so goddamned nervous? It was Inuyasha for crying outloud…

Inuyasha stared at Kagome expectantly. "Was there something you needed to tell me?" he asked, crossing his arms.

The schoolgirl adjusted the collar of her shirt, trying to stay calm. What do I tell him…? She asked herself anxiously. Well, tell him something! Her inner voice responded angrily.

Kagome stole a glance at the hanyou's eyes, but almost instantly shifted her gaze to the ground again.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

She swallowed and closed her eyes. "It's nothing," she said dejectedly, "Just… nothing."

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

Inuyasha smirked at the girl's desperate tries to hit the target on the tree. Kagome replaced the arrow in her hand and shot it in the direction of the target. However, it ended up missing. Badly. The hanyou howled with laughter, holding his sides as he rolled on the ground.

Kagome glared at Inuyasha. At least she was trying! At least she wasn't just giving up, screaming 'Osuwari!', and stomping away.

"Kikyo never missed," the hanyou stated matter-of-factly.

Kagome whimpered softly. Why did he have to bring her up right now? She wondered miserably. Why does he always feel the need point out how much better than me Kikyo was at everything? Why do I even try…?

Kagome pulled out another arrow, realizing that she had asked an incredibly stupid question; one that she already knew the answer to.

Because he's worth it. She let the arrow fly.

Kagome tapped her pencil against the oak desk. Once again she was lost a blissful fantasy world: one where she and Inuyasha were together.

She dreamed of holding Inuyasha close, feeling his silky hair brush against her neck, hearing his little whimpers of joy as they kissed, seeing the look of pride on his face when her arrow hit the target.

Kagome sighed sadly. Why do I do this? She wondered. Why do I sit here, dreaming and wishing, when I could say how I feel and be with him?

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If it ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

Kagome stood at the base of the big tree, staring up at Inuyasha. He sat on his usual branch, staring out at the setting sun.

Kagome smiled slightly. Will I tell him today? She wondered, gripping onto the handlebars of her bike.

Nothing's going to happen unless you tell him how you feel, Kagome reminded herself. Don't be so afraid, she told herself. What's the worst that could happen?

He could turn me down, thus jeopardizing whatever relationship we had beforehand. Kagome sighed and walked her bike away from the tree. Not today…

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

Kagome passed out the bowls of hot soup to her friends. Each thanked her graciously as they accepted the bowl. The girl smiled warmly in response.

Inuyasha sniffed the soup cautiously. He carefully lifted the bowl to his lips and sipped it. He took it away from his mouth, a strange expression on his face.

"I still prefer the ramen," he said as he laid back onto the wooden floor. He pushed the bowl of soup away from him.

Kagome stared at him with a somewhat pained expression. But I made this for you…

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

Kagome stared at the ceiling of her room. She stretched her long legs out as she folded her arms behind her head. Sheclosed her eyes and smiled wryly, lost in a reverie of Inuyasha.

This time he kneeled before her on one knee. Beautiful, poetic words of loved escaped through his lips. He stuck his hand inside of his yukata and pulled out a small, velvet box. He opened it, revealing a silver ring, with a diamond in the center. His little white ears flattened against his head. "Kagome… will you be my wife?"

Kagome opened her eyes and sighed lightly. She rolled onto her side facing the wall as silent tears crept down her face. If only… she found herself dreaming.

What's wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say

Kagome stared through the fire at Inuyasha. He sat cross-legged with his arms tucked into the opposite sleeves. He was fast asleep. His breathing came slow and easy.

Kagome sighed. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to tell him how she felt…

"Inuyasha," Kagome whispered, her throat clenching the instant his name had escaped her lips.

Inuyasha looked up, sleep still glimmering dully in his amber eyes. He shook his head, as if shaking away the sleep. "What is it?" he asked with a yawn.

Kagome opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out. She tried again, but to no avail. What? Why can't I say it? she wondered, horrified.

Inuyasha's ears perked up. "Well…?"

I love you, Inuyasha! I want to be with you, and hug you, and kiss you! I want to be with you until the world ends and time stands still!

Kagome had so many things to say… but no way to say them.

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

A sad smile flickered across Kagome's lips as she glanced back at Inuyasha. A subtle breeze swept through the forest where she was riding her bike. The wind blew Inuyasha's hair back, revealing sharp amber eyes on tan skin. God, she loved him. She just wished she knew what she could do to earn his love…

Inuyasha, I'll be stronger, she swore silently. I'll be braver. I'll find all of the Shikon shards for you… If only you'll be mine…

Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you...away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
These things I'll never say

Inuyasha held Kagome's hands in his, staring into her eyes. He smiled affectionately at her, as he kneeled down on one knee. He reached into his yukata and pulled out a small, black box. Love and desire sparkled in his eyes as he stared up at Kagome. He opened the box. A silver ring with a diamond in the center sparkled inside, glittering like the hanyou's smile.

"I love you, Kagome," he said, his eyes softening, "Will you marry me?"

Kagome was rendered speechless. She clasped a hand over her mouth as tears of joy welled up in her eyes. She nodded her acceptance and watched ecstatically as Inuyasha placed the ring on her pale finger.

The hanyou stood up, still holding Kagome's hands. He still smiled at her, adoration for her twinkling in his eyes. He pulled Kagome to him and kissed her lips softly and then embraced her tightly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him closely, afraid to ever let go…

The buzzer on Kagome's alarm clock went off, shaking her out of her wonderful dream. Her eyes shot open and she let out a gasp. She sat upright, clutching her blanket.

It was… a dream? She thought wearily. Kagome dropped back down on her pillow as her vision clouded. Silent tears streamed down her face.

It was… just a dream.

Author's notes: and the moral of the story is… unrequited love sucks. Not that their love is one-sided or anything… it just seems that way from this point of view… Holy crap. It's 4:33 a.m. God, I'm tired. falls asleep on the keyboard