Song: Winter – Tori Amos
Snow can wait
I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose,
Get my new boots on.
Another day without my father beside me. I had not seen him for three years, for he went to Ithilien often on duty.
I put a thick coat on, walking out the door. Minas Tirith grew whiter, by the covering of yesterday's snow. There were little groups of young boys having snowball fights, and mothers sweeping snow off their houses' doorstep. Fathers sat and played with the toddlers in the snow, laughing along with them.
Where was Brigham? I could not find him in the house that morning. He was probably out in the snow, too, playing with the other boys. My mother was most likely on an errand, up at the citadel. I could not help but envy the other children of Gondor.
I get a little warm in my heart
When I think of Winter
I put my hand
In my father's glove.
I kicked at the snow as I walked, smiling to myself as I recalled my childhood memories. Father had almost always been there with me, until I was aged ten, when he started going away on longer absences.
Every winter, we would have a good time in the snow. We built whatever we liked, be it Minas Tirith, the Shire, or simply just a snowman. When I grew cold, Father would keep me warm in his arms. Sometimes, Mother, too, would come out to accompany us, bringing goblets of hot chocolate milk with her.
But all that was now in the past.
I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping Beauty trips me with a frown.
I hear a voice: "You must learn to stand up,
For yourself, 'cause I can't always be around."
I recalled the last day he spent with me before he went away for three years. Coincidentally, it was the last day of winter as well. I was aged thirteen then. I wonder if Father recognizes me now.
We were having a lovely conversation about the snow, the city, Eldarion's tenth birthday, just about everything. When he started mentioning his leaving, I began to frown, and I asked him, "How long will you be gone, Father?"
He was silent for a moment, then he replied, "I do not know. We guards do not speak of time."
"But you are the Prince of Ithilien!" I had argued back then. I knew it was a pointless fact, but I just could not hold myself back. I was not as thoughtful as my father. Faramir the thoughtful.
"That, my child, is but a title. Nothing more." He had calmly replied. "What matters is of the duty that we are responsible for. As the Prince of Ithilien, do I not have more reason to guard the city?"
I was speechless, and could not argue against that fact. Slowly, I nodded.
"Even if I am not around you, I still will be with you. I am in your heart, am I not?" Father asked. When I kept silent, he continued, "My dear child, you cannot always depend on me. There will come a day. When you have to face the world alone. You must learn to stand on your own two feet!"
He says…
When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?
'Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed.
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change, my dear…
But I could nearly cry, when he said, "Someday, I will not be with you. Who, then, will you turn to?"
"Speak not of such words, Father!" I exclaimed. But a rush of fear had started to sweep over me. I knew he spoke of the truth. We were no immortal elves. Someday, we would have to leave this world.
Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flower competing for the Sun
Years go by and I'm still here waiting
Withering where some snowman was.
I saw Brigham sitting on a pile of snow, his chin on his hands. He seemed to be thinking. I approached him rather quietly, before sitting down beside him. "What are you thinking of, dear brother?" I asked.
Brigham turned towards me. Just like Father, he had golden hair, and big, thoughtful eyes. "Dear sister, I am thinking of Father." He answered.
"So you are with me too." I said, managing a little smile. Ever since Father's absence, our family had become more silent than ever, and I could not recall when was the last time I laughed.
"Have you ever thought of going to see father?" Brigham suddenly asked.
"Yes," I replied, "I have. But that is impossible. We cannot ride off to Ithilien alone. Besides, Mother will worry."
"Mother came from Rohan, did she not?" Brigham questioned, while drawing horses on the snow-covered ground. I nodded. "I have never seen Rohan," he continued, "yet I wonder how it really is like. I must admit that the books in the library did not satisfy my curiosity. Mother should take us there someday."
"Yet she is forever busy at the citadel, for reasons which I do not know of. I feel very abandoned, don't you?" I replied, giving a sigh.
Mother had been looking thinner than ever, from all the errands she ran. On some occasions, she returned home rather late, and fell asleep right after entering her room, undisturbed till the next afternoon. It was during these days that Brigham and I set a game to clean up the house.
Brigham remained rather silent, but a distinct "no" came out suddenly from his reply.
"Why not?" I asked in surprise.
"Because Father and Mother have us in their hearts all along." Brigham answered.
Mirror, mirror, where's the crystal palace?
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know, Dad, the ice is getting thin.
"Still, somehow, if one day, Father and mother would step down from their duties for some time, wouldn't it be lovely, for them to take us to Rohan for a visit?" I asked, drawing Meduseld on the snow as from what I could recall from books.
Brigham nodded silently, and we kept on drawing on the snow. I did not know how we began it, but all of a sudden, we were tracing a large map of Middle-Earth on the ground. Brigham drew the Shire, while I drew Fangorn forest.
Since we did not have the actual map with us, the picture we were drawing was, of course, not accurate. But we couldn't care less.
Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams left on the shelf
You say, "I want you to be proud of me."
I always wanted that myself.
We did not know how long passed, but we kept drawing, and soon, we had finished every area save Gondor. We stared at the empty spots, then Brigham carefully walked over, trying not to ruin the map.
Father would be proud of this, I thought. If only he were here to see it. Very soon, another layer of snow would conceal this map.
I have always dreamt of going to Imladris, the Shire and other places of light. But I never was determined enough to do so. I wish now, that I could take Brigham with me on a travel.
"I wonder if Father has journeyed beyond Gondor.
When you gonna make up your mind?
I watched as Brigham drew the lines that represented rivers.
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
He started to name the rivers.
When you gonna make up your mind?
There were the mountains.
'Cause things are gonna change so fast
Minas Tirith and Osgiliath, too, started to appear.
All the White horses have gone ahead.
Little alphabets named them.
I tell you that I'll always want you near.
We sat looking at the map. There was an empty spot unfilled…
You say that things change, my dear.
"You forgot Ithilien."
All the white horses…
It was Father!
Song: Winter –Tori Amos