Disclaimer: I'm a very addicted GG fan, not its owner. And the title is a line from Frou Frou's song "Let Go." I couldn't get it out of my head!
Lorelai's heels clacked loudly on the pavement outside Luke's Diner, protesting her semi-run. A minute later, the bells above the door jingled violently.
"Luke!"
Startled, Luke spilled a few drops of iced tea on Kirk's turkey on rye. Kirk had luckily lost his appetite for the sandwich at that exact moment. Instead, his ears perked up, ready to strain themselves to eavesdrop on the conversation. Unofficially appointed the Luke-&-Lorelai-As-A-Couple Spy, Kirk found new fame as the bearer of juicy gossip on Stars Hollow's very own Bennifer. Kirk then made a mental note not to refer to them as Bennifer anymore (he wouldn't want to jinx them) and to purchase a small tape recorder to hold under the table.
"Geez, Lorelai! What are you doing here?" Luke exclaimed.
He looked up at Lorelai's fiery blue eyes and felt the familiar jolt in the pit of his stomach. He once wondered when that would go away, having chalked it up as a sensation that came with the start of a long-sought romance. But even after months of dating her, the jolt remained and consistently strengthened. He took deep breaths more often, pretending to sigh, but it was mostly to force the butterflies to keep still and quiet – Kirk might hear.
"Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that being your girlfriend has banned me from this place, because I may give up the girlfriend status rather than sacrifice your coffee," Lorelai quipped as she followed Luke behind the counter.
She poured herself a mug of coffee and sipped while staring at her boyfriend who was now vigorously wiping the counter. Over a steaming mug of delicious coffee, Lorelai especially loved to watch this beautiful man she's known forever and has come to depend on. Yes, she, Lorelai Gilmore, depended on another human being. Her Superwoman status did not diminish but doubled in power, having paired with her very own Super-Luke. She loved his sparkling blue eyes, delicious lips, strong shoulders, god-given hands, a heart of gold – the list could go on forever. She wondered if he had any real idea how much she adored him.
"Glad to know where your boundaries lie. Don't you have a thing at the Inn?"
Reminded of why she was there in the first place, Lorelai frowned.
"I always have a thing at the Inn. The Inn is a hopping place! But I had to hop out of there because I am freaking out!"
"What's wrong?" Luke asked, suppressing a chuckle. Lorelai's freak-outs ranged from comical to pseudo-serious, depending on her mood. He had developed a sixth sense in knowing when there was truly a problem. This one, Luke knew, would be something "wrong" only in Lorelai's vivid imagination.
"What's wrong? "What's wrong?" he asks, like he doesn't know," she directed at Kirk, who then pretended to nibble on a piece of rye bread. He mustn't be too obvious, Kirk scolded himself.
Lorelai scooted to the other side of the counter and sat with the mug in front of her. Her head was swimming with flashbacks of the phone conversation she had had with Luke just 20 minutes ago, and the conversation with her mother before that. No, it was less a conversation and more a nice Emily sermon, rich with wit, guilt and sarcasm.
"I don't know. Hence the question," Luke calmly replied as he poured her more coffee. He didn't want her to exert anymore energy in delivering one of her today-is-big-vat-of-coffee-day rants when she had something else to rant about. Luke was surprised to find that Lorelai usually exhausted her exuberance by the end of the night and he liked her to have some leftover energy for later that night.
"Luke, you just agreed to go to one of our famously excruciating Friday-night Gilmore family dinners, complete with a bickering fest and escargot drenched in rabbit brain sauce."
"There's no such thing as rabbit brain sauce."
"Yuh-huh! A family recipe that Emily will hand down to poor disgusted little me. Then Rory will need to learn it because I'm pretty sure Emily will live forever and nag me to an early grave," Lorelai knew she was being a tad dramatic, but she was determined to convey her desperation. She had to nip this in the bud.
"You have achieved excellent nagging abilities yourself so I'm sure it'll balance itself out."
Lorelai chose to ignore the comment, which was too close to the truth.
"And since Emily was breathing down my neck and made sure to hear your response over the phone, I couldn't get us out of it. I was sending secret phone vibes for you to decline! Is your radar broken?"
"Lorelai, calm down. It's going to be fine," Luke half-whispered, glancing around his diner. He was glad the lunch crowd had almost dispersed, leaving a few customers to finish their conversations. To his dismay, Kirk had discarded the bread and was cutting his turkey slices into small little pieces and ate them one at a time. He sipped his iced tea after each little bite.
Lorelai followed his gaze around the diner and, realizing his concern, she slightly lowered her voice.
"Luke, I don't think you have fully grasped the terrible phenomena that are my parents. When they were separated, they were biting each other's heads off and volleying it from one end of the dinner table to the other."
"Can you please refrain from using that disgusting metaphor? People eat around here," Luke interjected.
"I thought it would be better now that they're back together, but it's worse! They have now decided to direct all bitterness and snide back toward their old outlet - me! I can't take it!" Lorelai threw her elbows on the counter and started to massage her temples with her fingertips. "Aw man, I'm not just freaking out now. I'm going cuckoo, and not for the cutesy Cocoa Puffs kind."
"You're always cuckoo, in some form or another. But this is nothing to freak out about. We'll go. We'll eat around the rabbit sauce. We'll endure the snide remarks. Then we'll say goodnight. We'll survive, you'll see."
Maybe he was right, Lorelai thought. She had survived worse dinners before, painfully remembering the awful blow-up with Digger and their parents. But this was different. She was afraid of what they would say to Luke. Moreover, she was afraid of how it might affect Luke's opinion of her after being entrenched in the place of her not-so-great childhood and surrounded by her not-so-normal parents.
"Do we really have to go? I mean, you don't actually need to meet them, do you? I can do impersonations!" Lorelai joked, hoping that this will help get her way.
"Lorelai," Luke uttered her name in a warning tone, which only fed Lorelai's jabber.
"Seriously, I can!" she faced the empty stool beside her and gestured Luke to it. "Luke, you remember Emily?"
Lorelai moved to the empty stool she had gestured towards and sat upright. Her chin protruding and her nose in the air, she haughtily blinked at Luke.
"Hello, Luke. I'm glad you decided against the use of flannel tablecloths in your diner. I was afraid your customers might have trouble spotting you," Lorelai said in her best Emily voice.
Luke faked an insulted "hey!"
"And Luke, this is my father, Richard," Lorelai continued, gesturing to the stool she had moved from before returning to it.
"Ah, Luke is it? Hello. You're Lorelai's new man? Well, jolly good! Best be on your guard, though, old boy, because she is incapable of seeing anything past herself."
"I'm sorry, are your parents British?"
"You get the gist! They're stuffy!" Lorelai pouted, hunched down and looked at her coffee. "They don't like me very much."
"Oh, come on. I'm sure they love you," Luke assured her. He knew that her relationship with her parents existed on a very delicate balance that is dramatically tipped by the smallest of things. He never presumed to fully understand this relationship, but he felt he had earned some right to express his own take on it.
"Lorelai, can I give you an honest opinion on this?"
"I don't know. Does it come with a side of donut?" Lorelai answered, feeling deflated.
"Here," Luke handed her a donut and leaned in closer. At the sight of the donut, her face lit up.
"Thank you kindly, my little Luke Luvvah," Lorelai whispered with a coy smile. She looked into his eyes as he gazed into hers. And in a moment, their expressions changed. Their smiles exuded a warm and dreamy quality. They were suddenly alone, floating in a cloud, and the need to touch became overwhelming.
Kirk didn't have the heart to gossip about that moment. Besides, he wouldn't know where to begin describing it.
"Please don't call me that," Luke whispered, breaking the interlude.
"You're right. I rescind the "little" part," Lorelai whispered back, a teasing smile on her lips as they quietly begged to be kissed.
Luke took a second to evaluate the chances of them going upstairs. The place hadn't been lived in for weeks. His clothes were strewn about from hurriedly packing some stuff to bring to Lorelai's or from quickly changing before work after a nightcap. It had become more of a closet/storage place for him since she was seriously lacking in closet space. However, there was still the bed.
But Caesar had a family emergency and Lane had band practice. Besides, he reminded himself of the issue of her freak-out, and he had to snap from the reverie. There'll be plenty of chances later tonight, he dearly hoped.
"Lorelai, I know that I will never fully comprehend your relationship with your parents because that's between you and them," Luke had changed the subject. Lorelai reverted to pouting and heavily sighed.
Luke went on.
"But I would like to have some sort of relationship with them. They're a part of you, and I would like to be involved in all parts of you, including the ones you're not crazy about. I... you know..." he trailed off, watching Kirk from the corner of his eye, ears ringing red.
"Still can't say it in public huh?" Lorelai teased him.
"Kirk has a pool going. I like to keep him in suspense."
Lorelai smiled. She liked the occasional shyness that would occasionally creep up on them whenever they hit the more intimate buttons.
"I know you do. Me too," she whispers as she leans a bit closer.
All he saw was her face. All he could think about was the softness of her red lips.
She had no intention of holding back.
Their lips met for a seemingly chaste kiss, which lasted for three glorious seconds, but resulted in a quiet eruption between the couple. Both are still slightly surprised at the constancy of this thrill.
Kirk stifled a gasp. He had to somehow slip out quickly and unnoticed to inform Andrew that he had won in this particular scenario challenge. But the moment was over before he could finish chewing on the last morsel of turkey. He might as well stay, sip his iced tea, and see where this will all end. He had a suspicion, but preferred factual gossip to assumptions.
"Knowing you as well as I do, Lorelai, I can't imagine anyone not loving you," he quietly stated.
Lorelai blushed, still basking in the afterglow of their kiss.
"Especially your parents," Luke continued, causing her basking to wear off. She supposed he wasn't going to let this go.
The diner had become virtually empty. Kirk still sat there, sipping his drink, but that was an everyday occurrence. Luke walked around his counter, sat on the stool next to Lorelai, and proceeded to speak quietly.
"You may not be what they envisioned because, let's face it, all parents secretly want us to fulfill their own failed dreams. And most of them end up disappointed. But your parents are not idiots and only idiots can't see and admire the amazing woman that you are."
Lorelai sat in amazement and wondered why in the world this man wanted to be with her. He was almost too good to be true. The near perfection of it all scared her a little.
"But they're not going to change, Lorelai. This is how they are and you're going to have start accepting that you will always have your differences. And you, as the daughter, will have to be the one to adjust."
"That is so old-fashioned," Lorelai whined.
"Trust me, Lorelai. Learn to appreciate your parents now because they won't be around forever," Luke held her gaze solemnly and thought of his own parents. He wished she had met them and she thought the exact same thing.
"In my humblest of opinions – and I'm saying "humblest" because I'm hoping you won't get mad at me for saying this – I think that you need to stop holding on to whatever grudge or resentment you feel towards your parents. Just believe that they love you and let everything else go," Luke concluded and sighed. He'd finally gotten it off his chest and he waited for her reproach, telling him that it's really none of his business.
"There's beauty in the breakdown," she said, almost to herself, as if she was daydreaming.
"What?"
"It's a song. Rory played it for me over the phone last night. It goes something like "let go, jump in, it's alright, because there's beauty in the breakdown"" Lorelai answered matter-of-factly.
"You weren't listening," Luke snapped.
"I was listening!" Lorelai snapped back
"No, you're listening to a song in your head while I'm trying to talk to you!"
"I was listening to your speech with the song as background music. It's better than the din in the diner."
"There is no din in the diner. It's practically empty, except for Kirk who hasn't made a sound! Never mind," Luke was getting agitated. Sometimes, he had trouble getting through to her and her stubbornness.
"Luke, I was listening. And I appreciate everything you've said. It's just hard, you know. I've been their ultimate disappointment all my life. I can't deal with it right now. Let's just not go, okay?" she pleaded.
"Why are you always running away?"
"I'm not!" Lorelai scoffed. She was afraid of this, that he wouldn't understand.
"Unless..." Luke's mind took a darker turn.
"Unless, what?" Lorelai said irritatingly.
"Unless you're afraid that they won't approve of me."
"Oh, Luke, no," the panic alarm in Lorelai's head was faintly ringing. She didn't want him to misunderstand her this much.
"Since you say you're a disappointment, you're probably afraid of bringing an extra dose of disappointment with you. You're afraid I might only embarrass you. I mean, I'm sure I'm not exactly the man they had in mind for their beloved daughter," Luke's hands were starting to shake so he crossed his arms to his chest. This was bound to come out eventually, he thought.
"I'm not beloved..." Lorelai started to argue. But Luke's face had turned slightly red.
"Oh, so you agree that I would be a disappointment to them?"
"I didn't say that!"
"Tell me the truth, what did they say when you told them about me?" Luke asked, afraid of the answer.
"That doesn't matter, Luke!"
But it did matter to him. He knew that she had always been independent from her parents – defiant, even. But he didn't want to cause another rift between them. More importantly, the thought that Lorelai was ashamed to introduce him as her boyfriend was more than he could bear.
"I am such an idiot. This is about me, isn't it? You don't want to introduce me to your parents!"
"You've met my parents..." Lorelai weakly answered. She was starting to feel like she was stuck in a whirlwind. She asked herself, what just happened?
"As your boyfriend, Lorelai!" Luke nearly roared, causing Lorelai and Kirk to flinch slightly.
"Luke, you are taking some major jumping to conclusions here," Lorelai tried to calm Luke down. She had to make him understand but the whirlwind had her thoughts in a jumble.
"Am I? Because you're not exactly negating any of my conclusions."
"You're not giving me much of a chance to!"
"You know what? Forget it. Forget everything. Just tell your parents I'm not coming. Tell them I'm not your boyfriend anymore. Tell them my flannel wardrobe attacked and choked me to death. I don't care!" Luke knew he was getting a little carried away but he was hurt and he didn't know how else to channel it. He walked away in a huff and headed towards his apartment.
"Whoa... Luke! Luke, will you please listen to me for a second?" Lorelai ran after him as he roughly opened the door to his apartment. She was afraid he had cracked the glass, but she couldn't think about that now. She had to fix this and fast.
"I need to be alone right now, Lorelai," Luke's voice quivered.
"Not until you actually let me state my case, your honor. Now sit and please let me talk," Lorelai said sternly, grabbing Luke's arm and pushing him to the couch.
Lorelai started to speak as she paced in front of him, gesturing with her hands.
"Okay, first of all, you are way off-base. I will admit that I had some concerns about bringing you to the Gilmore Mansion of Horrors – only because I've never really brought a real boyfriend to a meet-the-parents thing, you know? I mean, they didn't know about Digger, so that doesn't count. And Chris's parents were friends with my parents so they were always over, but we were also 16, so that doesn't count either. The one time they met Max, I was too busy yelling at my mother to even introduce him so..."
"Do I really need to be here for this?" Luke interrupted.
"Hey, I said no talking! My point is, this is new territory for me. I have worse case scenarios in my head – very scary thoughts – Ben Stiller milking a cat scary."
Lorelai then knelt in front of Luke, took his hands into hers and looked him straight in the eye.
"Please believe me. It is absolutely not because you embarrass me or that you'd be a disappointment to myself or my parents. Seriously, how could you even think that? You have got to get any kind of thought out of your head that you're not the man of my dreams."
Luke sighed and broke eye contact but Lorelai was unfazed. Her mind was clear as the whirlwind left hand-in-hand with her fears. She held his face in both her hands and sought his eyes again. He never could resist her.
"Honestly, Luke, you're better than any man I could have ever dreamed up."
That truth was plainly written on her face. All doubts were starting to erase themselves as a smile began to creep onto Luke's lips.
"And like you said, my parents are not idiots. They have their moments, sure, but their Ivy League education lets them realize that you are the perfect match for me – in zero to .4 seconds. I didn't go to Ivy League school so it took me a little longer," Lorelai finished her speech with a grin.
"Better late than never, I guess," Luke grinned back.
"Yes, I can't argue with that," Lorelai answered in relief.
"I guess I kind of over-reacted there for a minute," Luke admitted.
"And you call me the drama queen."
"Hey, nobody's perfect."
"Yeah," Lorelai's face had turned serious again. "But this thing with us, it's pretty close. It's kind of scary, when you think about it. The pressure of being meant to be is very intense,"
Most everyone who knew about their relationship had said that they were perfect for each other. But she's had sleepless nights when she worried that maybe it was all too perfect and it was bound to blow up in their faces at some point. Nothing could stay this perfect for so long.
"I know what you mean. But I don't see it that way," Luke grabbed Lorelai's hands and sat her beside him.
"How do you see it?"
"I know the things I know. I trust that I love you..."
"And that I love you," Lorelai inserted.
"Exactly. We want to be with each other..."
"Despite our quirks," Lorelai interrupted again.
"I do not have quirks," Luke answered.
"Ha!"
"And what will happen in the future are things we can't control," Luke finished as he brushed her hair from her cheek and traced her neck with his fingers.
"So all we can do is jump in and let go?" Lorelai teased as she climbed onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"There's beauty in the breakdown," Luke replied with a smile before Lorelai kissed him.
Epilogue
Downstairs, Kirk flipped the sign so it showed "Closed" and locked the door, making sure not to jingle the bells. He was glad to have taken the day off from his jobs today since he acquired some good material. As he walked to Miss Patty's, he felt free to make his assumptions, which, incidentally, were becoming correct.