To Live
A/N: Sorry for the pointless story, I tend to drabble and such when bored. Massive writers block prevents me from updating the edit of SV or ATR…because, it hurts. I'm also really depressed right now, so forgive me. Here comes another short One-Shot. Tell me who's lamenting…it's a secret.
Do you miss her?
Thoughts spilled through my mind, bits and pieces, broken like glass, shattered shards cutting into the tender flesh of sanity. I couldn't see, couldn't smell or taste, only feel the pain, enveloping, totally and absolutely. The words echoing, gentle in their voice, cold in their meaning, stealing what little comforts I had built up as a wall.
You killed her. It's all your fault.
No, no I never intendedit's not my fault! Stop, please!
She's dead now, there's nothing you can do about it. It's all your fault.
I was never strong enough, I never could make a difference!
You don't have the right to grieve, you murderer!
Stop! Stop it, please! I didn'tnot with these hands!
But you never tried to stop it. Therefore, it's your fault. MURDERER!
NO! Help me, please, stop this!
No one saved HER. You had the chance, and you didn't save her. Why would anyone save you?
I want to die.
You deserve it, filthy scum! MURDERER! MURDERER!
I can't take this unearthly chanting. I'm screaming, lurching up from my bed, hands fisted in my hair. A blood curdling scream erupts from my throat, echoing, my eyes screwed shut, my lungs about to burst. The others run into my room, dressed in various night things. They look at me, bewildered, almost frightened. My unearthly scream ends, not abruptly, but in a sputtering cough as I slump forward, blood spittle covering my pale lips. I've torn my throat, my lungs feel battered and bruised, my blood is rushing to my head. My heart pounds, each tell tale beat another knife in my soul.
They look at me still, and I wave them away, growling out a few fierce words. This reoccurring nightmare, this screaming, it's beginning to worry the others. Reluctant, they dissipate, save for one. I look threateningly at her, but she merely comes to my side, placing a hand upon my shoulder.
"It wasn't your fault, you know."
Ah, such small comfort I gather from those words. I look up towards her, and she smiles down, refreshing. So innocent, so unlike the nightmares that plague my head. My heart. The guilt slowly ebbs down into a more manageable size.
Suddenly, bending forward, she brushes my forehead with two cool fingers, stroking my cheek before gently placing her lips upon the spot where my eyebrows meet. Chills run through my body, then heat, purging the grim thoughts from before, healing and gentle.
She turns and leaves, giving me one small worried glance before quietly shutting the door. I look down, wiping my face free of the blood speckles, and I turn to look out the small, quaint inn's window. Dawn is coming soon.
The sun used to feel like fire against my skin. So warm, the happiness belonging to someone else. But, as the first few rays of blue-gray dappled the inky black horizon, I felt….strange… something I've never felt before, permeating my entire being. As the warm rays slip through the curtains and wash over me, I come to a realization. The guilt finally washes completely away with the healing rays…and I'm shocked at what my mind is now telling me.
Live.
A/N: Cheesefest! It's short, but like I said, I'm depressed…it does have a sort of happy ending. Yay?