Late Night Talks
You are dreaming. A nice dream of the beautiful girl living next door you have been in love with for about seven years. God, you love Penny. She is ridiculously pretty, nice and cool and even though she isn't as clever as you are, you don't care because damn it, you love her. You are perfect together and you love each other and she's said it herself: if things continue to go as great as they have you are heading for marriage and everything you've ever hoped for.
And so you dream of the blonde, young woman, how she sits half naked on top of you and whispers dirty things into your ear and god, how you want her to get naked and sink down on you already, crying your name and now you smile because she does, cry your name that is, but suddenly her face changes into Sheldon's and oh god, you really have to open your eyes now and when you do, you still see your brilliant, yet weird friend and force yourself to fully wake up.
"Sheldon?", you ask sleepily, still not completely awake yet.
"Finally. I thought I would have to actually touch you to shake you and that really would have-"
You cut him off because it's in the middle of the night and you are so very tired. You had a nice dream and really aren't in the mood for Sheldon's weird behavior. "Sheldon, what do you want?"
You are awake now, partly because the weirdo turned on the light, and notice that Sheldon looks a little strange, even for him.
He sits down next to you and struggles with words. "I guess I have been thinking about something."
"Well, that's no news there," you interject, but shut up at Sheldon's pointed look.
"I have been thinking about something you said to be precise."
"That's a first then," you joke, but Sheldon always the literal one, agrees instantly.
"That is probably true, but that is not my point."
"Then what is your point?" You get annoyed again, because Sheldon takes too much time for this. "It's almost four am," you say, reaching for your phone to check, "and I'm pretty tired. Can't this wait until tomorrow?"
"No, it can't," Sheldon answers in his typical bossy tone, "because I can't stop thinking about this and until someone sorts it out for me I am certain I won't go to sleep and that way I will be no use to anything tomorrow."
Sighing, you agree. "Alright, spit it out. What's gotten your panties in knots?"
Another glare, followed by an appalled "I wear boxers", before he finally explains his problem. "You asked me what my priorities were regarding my Valentine's Day events and I determined that being on the train and learning so much about it was as important to me as kissing Amy in hindsight and I can't figure out why because getting into physical contact with someone has never been something I wanted, not to mention enjoyed."
And even if he says it in his Sheldon-way, you still think it's cute because he is this brilliant, super intelligent guy and he gets puzzled every time a problem pops up he can't solve with science.
"Okay," you say and scoot over so he can make himself a little more comfortable since you figure this is going to need a little longer.
He looks at you expectantly and you don't really know how to begin this because this isn't something you ever talk about with him. You remember this one time when Penny actually asked him if he ever planned to sleep with Amy and how Sheldon had totally surprised you both with his answer.
"Sheldon, have you ever considered what you feel for Amy?"
He looks at you like you've grown a second head. "Feel for Amy? Leonard, we have an intellectual relationship, not this sexualized one everyone else seems to have."
You roll your eyes because he can be so oblivious sometimes and you really don't get why when he's so brilliant in general. "Okay, your relationship is just intellectual and yet you can't stop thinking about kissing her. What does that tell you?"
He looks annoyed at you, with a hint of helplessness. "That's why I've come to you in the first place, Leonard, because I don't know what this tells me."
Alright, he's being extra difficult tonight, so you need to be more patient. "You are brilliant, right? There's nothing you can't do on your own, right? You are independent and even though you like the guys and me and would miss us if we weren't here anymore, it wouldn't really matter because-"
"Because I am a highly intelligent man," he finished for you, "right. What does-"
You cut him off before he can talk this into something you don't want this to head to, so you quickly say: "Amy is not even a physicist, so you wouldn't need her professionally and yet, how would you feel if she wasn't here anymore?"
"Sad, I guess. Depressed, maybe angry. That depends on why she went away."
"Okay, let's say she breaks up with you because you annoy her to no end, which isn't entirely impossible by the way. How do you feel?"
"Leonard, this hypothetical-"
"Alright, then how did you feel when you kissed her?", you quickly change the subject and you can't believe your eyes when his face breaks into a happy smile and he actually blushed a little.
"Great, actually. My heart rate accelerated quickly and I was informed that everything I felt was a completely normal reaction to kissing."
"That's not completely right," you say and he looks at you sharply.
"Of course it is. I studied the article closely."
"I bet you did, Sheldon. But let's imagine you'd kiss… I don't know… me, for example. Do you think you'd actually feel the same?"
You try really hard to remove the inner picture of Sheldon's pursed lips in front of you out of your mind and instead concentrate on your friend who tries hard to come up with an answer.
"No, I don't think I would. I wouldn't because I am heterosexual and-"
"Alright, bad example," you quickly agree, "let's imagine you kissing Penny. She's an attractive young woman."
"I figure she is but when she kissed my face when she pinned me on the floor, I didn't want her to."
Finally you are getting somewhere.
"But she is your sexual partner and you are my friend, so I don't think that is an accurate example either."
Okay, now he's annoyed you enough. You roll your eyes because you're not far away from choking him. "You know what, Sheldon? I'll just tell you: like every other straight normal man you've fallen in love with a woman. You are in love with Amy and that's why you can't stop thinking about kissing her. And that's how it's going to be until you kiss her again and then it will be even better because you'll be braver and maybe not so surprised and she'll actually participate and this will continue until you finally sleep with her, alright? And this is nothing illogical or strange or stupid: it's simply biology and the nature you've been born into and the sooner you just accept this, the better. So please, Sheldon, get out of my room now and let me sleep because I had a really nice biological dream of my girlfriend I'd like to get back to now."
He looks stunned, completely speechless, like a deer caught in the deadlight and you use this to nudge him out of your bed.
He gets up and leaves the room, without another word and you can't believe it but it seems like little weirdo Sheldon Cooper finally understands the concept of love.
Wow, you're good.
And with that you turn off the light and go finally back to sleep.