Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Ugly Hardships
5 Years Old
I did not understand why Momma is not happy. I saw a man come and then he left. Why was she crying? Why is she repeating the word 'no'. The man brought a box with a red cross on it and he wore white clothes. Momma called him a 'doc-tor' but what is a 'doc-tor'? I'll ask Momma later.
The doc-tor told Momma something. It made her upset. She looked unhappy. My Momma held her stomach. She said, "Why… how could this happen. I took caution!" 'Cau-tion? What does it mean?
The next day Momma told me she was 'preg-nant'. I asked what 'preg-nant' means. She said it means "to have a baby." She was sad. I did not know what to be. Momma was not happy so I should be not happy, too. I want to make Momma happy. I ask her what a 'doc-tor' is. She said, "The bearer of bad news."
Momma kept saying "Kousuke! Kousuke! I screwed up! I'm sorry!" Screwed up? I said it out loud and Momma said to not say that. Kousuke is my Daddy's name. That is what Momma told me. I never met my Daddy. I do not know why. Momma said he was lucky. He got to leave. But leave to where? I asked Momma. She said I have too many questions.
Every night I hear Momma cry in her bed. She said she 'hated' her baby. I asked about the word 'hate'. Momma said, "It's a word you use when you would rather die than deal with a problem." Momma wants to die?
After bedtime I usually wake up because Momma is on the phone. I try not to listen. But I once I heard her conversation. Momma said, "Daisuke… I'm pregnant…. I'm not sure how it could have… No…. No, there's no need for you to come over…. But…. Fine."
That night I heard someone come into the house and enter Momma's room. I heard talking. Then there was silence. But I heard some screaming. I heard Momma's voice screaming, "Daisuke!" I was scared. Momma is in pain? But I heard her say, "More!" Why does she want more pain? I heard moans and groans. I wanted to cry. I am scared. When the noise stopped a man came out of Momma's bedroom. Momma is twenty-three and the man looked forty.
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4 Months Through Pregnancy
I hear people call Momma names. 'Slut' and 'Tramp' are the ones I hear a lot. People are mean. Kids' parents have jobs, and these jobs give them money, which lets them survive. I wondered what Momma's job is. People say Momma's job is prostitution.
I ask Momma what her job is. She said, "Sato Daisuke, a friend of mine, helps support me. Support us. We should be grateful." Then I ask what 'prostitution' and 'slut' and 'tramp' mean but she told me to shut up and she cried and she ran to her room.
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7 Months Through Pregnancy
The doctor came by again. Momma cried in her room more. She said it was over. She said, "It's dead! It's gone! It's over!" She cried but had a strange smile on her face. Her stomach was getting very big.
Momma sat me down on the couch. She spoke very low. She told me that my soon-to-be brother is dead. How could he die if he was not born yet?
Momma went to the hospital and I was left alone in the house. She was gone for a few days, but when she came back, he stomach was not big anymore.
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Momma is in a depression. She has been this way since two months ago when she lost her baby, my brother. Momma got into bad things like gambling and drugs, which included smoking and drinking. And almost every night, this man named Daisuke would come over and they would go in Momma's room. And when it was not Daisuke, she mixed things up a bit. She would never let any of the men she brought home near me. None of them probably even knew she had a daughter. She protected me. Even though her life was messed up, she tried to not let her actions affect me, but they do… sometimes.
But every night before I go to sleep and before she goes to 'sleep' Momma says, "Sakura, never, and I mean never, become like me." I would nod my head. It was a ritual now. It is night and it is my bedtime, so I waited for her to say it. But instead Momma stared at me. "Sakura," she said, "Good-bye." And Momma ran to the door and ran away from the house. I was confused. I did not understand why she left. But not even an hour later, the police of Konoha came to my empty house. Also, some anbu ninja came. Apparently, my Momma attempted suicide, and I was taken away from my home, and Momma no longer had custody over me. There was one young ninja who had silver hair. He was responsible for finding any clues around the house to prove my Momma's attempted suicide. I did not like it when he looked around, but he was nice.
That night was one of the longest in my life. I was taken away by the police and I did not even see Momma one last time. I was put in an orphanage, and I think people like pink-haired little girls because the next day I was adopted. There was a couple, who were both thirty-five years old, and they were very nice. I was lucky.
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