Canada would definitely not call today acceptable. Not that many days were acceptable anyway, but today was even worse. As if it hadn't been enough on Monday, China had to catch up to him again today, mistake him for his brother, and knock him out with his wok. He must have realized this misunderstanding, though (his being knocked out having been a dead give-away– Alfred was like freaking Superman), because he wasn't there when the northern nation came to. And if that weren't bad enough, France tried to blackmail him with some extremely explicit pictures he took of America with England (which, upon realizing that he had the wrong man, he shoved into his hands, telling him to "share the good news" with a slight blush and large, evil smirk before disappearing).

Of course, Matthew wanted to be honest about it, so, after mutilating and burning the pictures, he worked up the courage to visit America at his own house, which was unusual, seeing as the last time they'd really been alone together in private for any significant length of time occurred when they had both still been colonies. Nerve-wracking and tear-jerking as this experience was, he was both disappointed and calmed slightly to know exactly how it would go:

"America, you listen here!"

"Hm? Yo, bro! Fix you a brat?" (The smell of the house clearly indicated that this was dinner.)

"Huh…? No, I just wanted to–"

"Can't hear ya, man! Speak up!"

"I… uh… well, these other countries are mad at you again, and–"

"Aw, don't worry about me, Mattie! I got it under control, and you know they can't touch me!"

"It's not you I'm worried about…"

"What's that?"

"Oh, nothing…"

And then he'd go home, having accomplished nothing, and probably get beat up again the next day. That was how these things worked. So, tears gathering in his eyes, he built himself up and charged into his brother's kitchen.

"America, you listen here!" he exclaimed as loudly as his voice would allow, shutting his eyes.

"Hm? Woah, Mattie! Calm down! What've you got yourself all worked up over?"

Wait, what?

A rough cloth wiped the tears out of the corners of his eyes, which he opened to see… a dish rag. A clean one, though; it wasn't all that bad, considering the horrors of the American's greasy cooking.

"Well?" America took him by the shoulder and looked at him expectantly. "What is it, bro?"

Canada stared at him in utter disbelief.

"Come on, man! What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into you?" he blurted, confused and suddenly weirded out.

"Ah, just the economy again. We're all just panicking over here, and I really just want to start some sort of plan, but we're not getting anything done, since no one can agree at all. Some people are trying to control the deficit by limiting the rights of state workers, too, so everyone's totally outraged."

Matthew had never heard his brother speak so seriously before. Frankly, he had doubted the man was capable of rational thought. But here he was, thinking and speaking and planning… and frowning…?

"Honestly, most of us knew that they couldn't justify the tax breaks to the wealthy, but Obama couldn't stand to end them for the poor. We'd be better off if he'd just put his foot down and say 'this needs to stop', but, as wonderful as he wants to be, you can't do the right thing in this country and expect to hold office for very long, and, as great a guy as he is, he's still just a politician…. Uh, Mattie? A little zoned?"

"Huh…? No, I just… wanted to…."

"Oh, right! Sorry, got a little sidetracked there. So, something you needed?"

"I… uh…" How was it that he was having the expected conversation and Alfred wasn't? "Well, these other countries are mad at you again, and…." Surely this time he'd have a normal response?

… Right?

Nope.

"… And you got caught up in it, right?" America sighed, eyes closing briefly, before smiling at his little brother ruefully. "Hey, I'm sorry. Who was it? I'll set 'em straight, 'kay?"

"Alfred, this isn't like you. I mean, not that I don't… appreciate it… but you're acting so weird…."

"Acting weird, huh? It didn't occur to you that maybe I'm acting normal?"

"Exactly! That's what's so weird about it!"

Once again the older nation sighed, shaking his head tiredly and leaning back against the counter.

"Maybe this is what I get for setting people's expectations so low. I got the same thing from Britain. I'm going to have to remind myself daily that looking stupid is strategically advantageous before I lose it in front of everybody. I thought that maybe you'd see through it… but no, I really am alone in this, aren't I…? Listen, Matt," he said in a strained voice, refocusing on Canada, "My government almost shut down this spring, elections are just around the corner, and we're on the verge of an economic depression. I'm not gonna lie; I'm stressed out of my mind. If I kept acting like a fool all the time, especially now, I'd kill myself."

"But you're… I mean, you seem so…."

"So I act like a moron, who cares? It's easier and smarter than being all full of yourself like Europe and East Asia. I draw less attention this way, see? You've got your way of not getting mixed up in things, I've got mine. So, one more time, bro. Who's giving you trouble?"

Canada ran out of responses. He almost wanted to believe that it wasn't true, that his brother was just naturally cheerful and strong and foolish. Strangely enough, it seemed like that energy was a big part of what kept him going, even if he felt a lot closer to Alfred in this state. His vision blurred a bit.

"There… was China, he got me twice; and Cuba again; and France… well, France gave me some pretty disturbing pictures, Al, and you might want to keep your bedroom curtains shut…. A-and Russia's been bugging me a lot, and I don't want to 'become one' with him, he's terrifying…."

"That it?" America asked to confirm when he trailed off. Matt nodded, and the southern nation grinned at him. "Sure thing. I'll talk to 'em soon as I get a chance, how's that?"

"Fine, thanks." Well, no, not really. That hadn't been half of it, but the younger nation suddenly didn't mind taking a couple punches on his brother's behalf, especially now that he realized that America could, in fact, be brotherly.

"Geez, Mattie! It'll be alright, I swear!" he laughed lightly, taking another swipe at his eyes and cheeks with the dish rag and looking, behind the carefree exterior, more than just a little concerned. "I'll make them leave you alone. You'll be fine."

"It's not me I'm worried about…" he admitted softly (which means, of course, that he was completely inaudible).

"What's that?" America ducked his head little to be in his brother's line of sight and look him in the eyes.

"Oh, nothing…." He muttered, smiling. This was much more like what he was used to.

"… Fix you a brat?"

Matthew actually laughed at this, and met Alfred's questioning look with a happy, "Sure, why not?"

Al's face lit up, and he turned eagerly back to the stove to get the things cooking again.

"So, really? You and Britain?" Canada snickered. America's shoulders visibly tensed.

"Yeah, laugh it up. But I'd like to see you look me in the eye and tell me you and France weren't blushing then," he grumbled.

End.

Yaaaaay…. Okay, I love the idea of Canada and France together, but I could never write that, because even in my head I can't imagine France or any version thereof settling down with just one partner… but wouldn't it just be great if Canada were that guy? Hmm, maybe they don't mind a little openness in their relationship… a little ménage a trois every once and a while… though Canada doesn't seem like that type, and he looks awfully cute on Prussia's shoulder. I'll figure it out.

And I apologize to those of you who expect a sequel to my other fic (Ever Blind). It will come, it's just… having a little trouble progressing. As in the plot doesn't really exist. I might post it anyway, though, since this doesn't really, either.

And, if you haven't noticed, I refuse to accept that any of these characters is flat. In my mind, America only acts like a moron and really wants to be there for his little brother. Sorry if that turns you off.

And please give me plots, if you're interested, because I just don't have enough! It's maddening!