Author's notes: So normally I wouldn't write Twilight Fanfiction. I did read the books, multiple times, but I reread it for the minor characters. Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmitt, and of course the wolves. My favorites are the wolves. I recently realized that I ship Bella and Paul… hear me out. I think Paul would help force Bella to pick herself up, he wouldn't coddle her like Jacob does and he wouldn't treat her like she is made of glass either. Bella wasn't this weak, dependent, whiner in the beginning. In the first book she was taking care of her irresponsible mother, she was mature, and she had it all together. Then Edward arrives and suddenly she can barely function. Paul would make Bella stronger, not foster her dependency.
Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyers and I don't want to be.
p.s.: this first chapter is gonna be long and have a lot of information you already know but that I have to recover in case you don't.
Chapter one: The Rez is my haven.
Jake agreed to rebuild the bikes and now I spend every day on the Rez. He makes me feel better when I'm with him. Don't get me wrong, I am not in love with Jacob Black. But there is something about him that sooths my pain. Maybe it's just spending time with other people, not allowing myself to wallow in my own pain. I feel even better when Quil and Embry hang out with us too. Embry had become one of my favorite people; he is so shy and kind. Quil is a major dork, but he's actually pretty cool. Hanging out with Jake and the boys, it makes me feel like there is hope. Like maybe, Edward didn't take my only chance at happiness.
"Look who's here!" Embry calls as I hop out of my truck.
"Couldn't stay away from me?" Quil asks.
"You wish" I laugh.
Embry wraps me in a hug and spins me around. He feels really hot, like he has a fever.
"Are you ok?" I ask concerned.
Embry smiles, but I can see that it's tight and forced.
"I'm fine" he says "How are you feeling?"
Something is wrong and he is trying to push through it for me. Embry is a stronger person than I am, he never lets others suffer for his problems. He has taught me a lot.
"Better now that I'm with you" I tease.
Embry blushes and I hear Jake laughing from the shed.
I grab Em's hand and drag him behind me. As much as I love Em, Jake is still my best friend.
"Hey Bells" Jake calls from where he is working on the bikes "I thought you weren't coming out today?"
I plop down on an old box while Em and Quil reclaim their regular chairs. The three of them give me worried stares.
"Charlie had to go into the station and I didn't feel like sitting at home alone… it's cool that I'm here right?" I ask, suddenly worried that they want a day without me.
"Of course!" Jake says.
"Jake was just talking about how much he missed you" Embry says with a sly smirk.
Jake punches Embry's shoulder, hard, and winces.
"Dude, did you get an iron shoulder?" Jake cries.
Embry's face scrunches up in a pained way and I lean over to check on him.
"Em-"
He jumps to his feet and glances around desperately.
"I-I need to go!"
Embry flies out of the shed in the direction of the forest. I try to follow him, but Quil grabs my arm.
"Bella, maybe you shouldn't-"
I nod.
The rest of the day was strained. We were all worried about Embry, but we couldn't get a hold of him and he wasn't at home. after two days I begin to feel like we are losing him.
"I'm sure he'll be back tomorrow" Quil says as I'm headed to my truck that evening.
"Yeah, you're probably right"
But he wasn't right.
We didn't see Embry for a week and Jake says that he is ditching school now. Of the three boys, Embry is the least likely to ditch school. I tried going to his house, but his mom said he was out with some friends. As much as I worry about him, there is nothing I can do.
The next time I see him is after Jake finished the bikes.
We were talking about how Jake wished that he had held out the rebuild so we could hang out more and I reassure him that if he hadn't been able to fix them that I would have found us another project. When suddenly I noticed a bunch of guys hanging out on a cliff.
(Everything in bold is a direct quote from the movie, I do not take credit for them.)
"Is that Sam Uley?"
"Yeah, him and his cult" Jake says, his tone weird.
I watch them as two of the boys begin wrestling. I am just thinking about how they should be careful when suddenly the first boy shoves the other over the cliff.
"Oh my god!" I cry and slam on the brakes "Did you see that?"
Before Jake can answer I am leaping from the vehicle and running to the edge.
Jake laughs.
"They're not really fighting Bella, they're cliff diving" he leans back against the hood of my truck "Scary as hell, but a total rush"
The word rush stalls me. I haven't seen Edward in a while, probably because I'm not really trying anymore.
"Rush?"
"Most of us jump from lower down" Jake says "we leave the showing off to Sam and his disciples"
There is so much anger in that last sentence that I can't help but ask.
"You have some kind of beef with him or something?"
I walk back to the truck and join Jake against the hood.
"I don't know, they just think they run this place" he scoffs "Embry used to call them the hall monitors on steroids… now look at him"
I perk up at the mention of Embry's name.
"That's Embry?" I watch in horror as he leaps from the cliff.
"Yeah"
"What happened to him?" I ask.
"He started missing school, then all the sudden he started following Sam around like a little puppy" he sighs "the same thing happened with Paul and Jared. Sam keeps giving me this look… like he's waiting for me or something… it's kinda starting to freak me out"
If Sam can make sweet Embry into a cliff diving groupie, I shudder to think of what he could do with Jake.
"You should just avoid him"
"I try"
(Direct quotes over)
We leave to try out the bikes. Just like I thought, I saw Edward. But instead of making me feel better… I just feel worse, although that could have something to do with the massive rock that I slammed my head on. Seeing Edward just made me feel worn down, weak, and worse than before, and yet if Jake hadn't forced me to stop I would have tried again. This is like an addiction, I need to stop but in cant.
After I hit my head I accidently called Jake beautiful… I regretted it immediately. I know Jake has feelings for me and I shouldn't encourage him since I don't feel the same way. He has given me too much for me to use him this way.
…
At school the next day I overhear Angela telling the gang that she saw a giant black animal in the woods. They all tease her and make alien jokes. I have always liked Angela and I can't stop myself from coming to her rescue.
Apparently, when I join the conversation, Mike took that meant he could try to hit on me again. Instead of getting irritated when he asks me to a movie I just turn it into a group outing, I invite the others to come see Face Punch with us this Friday. Mike isn't thrilled I turned his date into a group movie night, but I don't much care. Just to make sure I got the message across, I called Jake and Quil and invited them to join us as well.
Bad idea…
The others bailed. Quil got grounded for fighting at school, Angela got sick, and Jessica just bailed. Since it was only the two boys who were trying to win my affections it had turned into a try to get Bella to hold our hand fest, until Mike realized he was gonna puke. Jake tried to hold my hand out in the lobby and I shrugged him off. He didn't like that and I realize that it's probably my fault that he thinks he has a chance. I told him how selfish I was being and he promised he would never hurt me like Edward did, then Mike interrupted and Jake totally flipped out. When I grabbed his arm he was hot to the touch, he stormed out of the theater and didn't answer my call.
After that Jake started avoiding me. His dad claimed he had mono, but that doesn't explain why he couldn't talk on the phone. I called several times and each time I got the voice mail. I began to worry. I realized that he and Embry had similar symptoms, but Jake wouldn't do drugs… but then again I couldn't imagine Embry doing drugs either.
Harry Clearwater and my dad went fishing, so I drove out to see Jake. I found him outside in the rain, sporting a drastic haircut and a tattoo. I realized the link was Sam and I got angry.
(Quote again)
"Did Sam get to you? Is that whats happening?" I growl.
"Sam is trying to help me, don't blame him" he snaps "But if you want somebody to blame? How about those filthy blood suckers that you love, the Cullens"
"I don't know what you're talking about?" I barely stutter out. I am not used to lying to Jake anymore.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about" he growls "you've been lying to everybody, Charle… but you can't lie to me… not anymore Bella"
"Jacob!" Cries a male voice from the edge of the forest.
I see Sam, Jerad, Paul, and Embry waiting. Sam waves to Jake.
"Look Bella, we can't be friends anymore"
This is because I am being selfish and, unwittingly, lead him on. He realized that I'm not worth his time.
"Look Jake… I know that I've been… hurting you" I choke on my own tears "it's killing me… it kills me… I just need, maybe give me like sometime or something-"
What's wrong with me? I'm doing it again, trying to manipulate him.
"Don't… it's not you…" he stops as if looking for the words.
"It's not you, it's me right? Really?" I snap. I'm angry, but truthfully I deserve this after how I've treated him.
"It's true, it is me" he pauses "I'm not… good… I used to be a good kid, not anymore. This doesn't even matter, this is over"
"You can't break up with me" wrong, that's not what I meant "I mean, you're my best friend, you promised me"
"I know, I promised that I wouldn't hurt you Bella, and this is me keeping that promise. Go home. and don't come back or you're gonna get hurt" he jogs off to join Sam and the boys.
Without Jake, Quil, and Embry I begin to… relapse I guess. I can see that its hurting Charlie, but I can't make myself stop. I need to see Edward again, my body is begging for a fix. So I go out to the meadow in a desperate attempt to see him. Instead I find Laurent. He threatens to kill me, tells me he is working for Victoria and all that jazz. I see Edward and once again it doesn't help me the way I feel like it should. Just like any addict, it only makes it worse.
Just as Laurent goes for the kill strike, a giant black Wolf stalks out of the forest. It digs in and stares Laurent down, threatening him. Other huge wolves stalk out behind him. On the black wolf's right flank is a dark silver wolf, he snaps and snarls.
Instead of killing me and then the wolves like I thought he would, Laurent turns and runs. The wolves give chase. A reddish wolf stays behind and studies me for a moment before joining his pack.
I should have realized then, but I was to busy wallowing in my own pain.
Jacob came through my window that night, trying to explain that he can't explain, that I should be able to guess. He was right. He gave me a hint, to think about the story I heard on the beach. I realized the answer way before I allowed myself to accept it.
That's how I found myself storming through the Black's house and slapping a Werewolf across the face
End notes: this is where the real story begins. I am willing to edit this chap if y'all will give me some suggestions. I don't have a beta and I don't really want one, but if you notice something let me know.
