"Christ, Sherlock, could you have picked a bigger one?"

"Really, John, it's an average size."

"Average? You call this average? It's enormous, it's going to hurt like a -"

"It was the only one I could find, now sit still."

"There is no way you're putting that thing anywhere near me, Sherlock, are you out of your mind?"

"Oh I'm sorry, is the big bad army doctor afraid?"

"Shove off. Get that thing away from me."

"Really, John! You were in the war -"

"Yes, I was in the war, and that thing is enormous!"

"It will be over before you know it!"

"That is not what I'm concerned with!"

"This was your idea!"

"Yes, and now I'm having second thoughts. Oh, don't look at me like that! You know what I meant."

"Do I?"

"Don't try and pull this rubbish, Sherlock. It won't work. I don't want it in me, now get a smaller one or we're not doing this."

"Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

"Hardly."

"Really John, now you're just being childish."

"Sherlock, I don't want you putting that inside me."

"John, would you please act your age?"

"And what? Not my shoe size?"

"John, would you stop spouting rubbish and let me get on with this."

"Fine!"

"Hold still."

"I am!"

"You and I have very different definitions of the word -"

"FUCK!"

"Oh, it's fine!"

"Fuck, Sherlock, that bloody hurts!"

"It's almost - if you would just -"

"No! Ouch! Buggering -"

"Oh, would you just -"

"Sherlock, you have no idea what you're -"

"I know exactly what I am doing, John, would you please calm down -"

"Dammit, Sherlock, it fucking hurts!"

"Are you quite finished annoying the hell out of me?"

"Oh, I do apologize -"

"It's nearly - John! - nearly finished, if you would just -"

"Don't know why I ever agreed to -"

"Halfway there, stop being absurd -"

"Stop that, what - are you enjoying this?"

"Hardly!"

"I knew it. I knew you were a nutter. Serves me right -"

"I will leave it in there, John, so help me I will."

"Sherlock -"

"Look, it's almost done! I just -"

"FUCK!"

"Christ, John. I'm done. Really, who knew you were such a -"

"Shut up and kiss me."

"No need to be rude."

"Why I ever agreed to let you give me stitches is beyond me..."