Why I Sleep

By TearStar

I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho…

14

Destiny doesn't want us together though… I have proven that…

When I was here, I don't have the feeling yet. Then I went away, the feeling grew bit by bit. I came back with hopes of my feelings for you, but now you're the one who went away with him in tow. I guess destiny doesn't want us together.

It has been 3 years since you left. Without me being able to tell you I love you. I lost the courage when I saw you were very happy and contented living with him there, in your respective world. So, being me, I ran away. Back to my world. I can't complicate your life now. I know, and I'm not expecting something will come about when I tell you I love you. But knowing you, Kurama, you'd think about my feelings and feel sorry. You might end up messing up with Hiei because you were worrying about hurting me without knowing. You were so kind and cares genuinely about your loved ones. I bet you'd come here every once and a while to check on me, if I'm ok, if I found a new one, if I moved on, if I'm still alive. I know you'll do that 'coz you're so caring. I don't want to burden you, so I'll just keep it this way. You not knowing. And me not visiting there, just staying here in my world, in my room, sleeping.

I know for these past years, it should've stopped. But it kept coming back every night. I guess my heart and mind couldn't forget you, Kurama. So, I stay here in my room, hoping that I'll never wake up. I sleep a lot, if you may ask. Why? I don't know, maybe to forget you. Maybe to avoid the pain. I never knew it hurts this much when the one you love can't love you back. Like hell I've watched a fair share of dramas of plots revolving on girl loves guy, guy doesn't love girl and loves another, girl does everything and force herself to guy. I always told myself: I'll never be like others, if my beloved doesn't love me I won't be pushy about it. I won't force myself to him. I'll move on! But man, I can't stop myself from wanting to have you. For wanting to be with you. For thinking what's wrong with me? What's with him that's not with me? Shoot it. Shoot it all. It hurts a lot.

It's always been like this. My heart felt so… heavy… so out of breath. Like it hurts everytime it beats. I know what to do, I'll sleep. For these past 3 years, I've slept the pain over. I've always wanted to sleep. I never wanted to wake up again. To not feel the pain anymore. But, I know now why I sleep. Not to forget you, not to escape the pain, but to be with you. In a dream. My date with you starts with me saying goodnight to the world. And it ends with waking up. With this, I'm content. With this, I never wanna wake up. From a dream where you are with me. Kurama. I love you. See you again in the dream. Will you be there? Kurama?

14

TearStar: hello, I'm back. Ahh, I know it's been too long. I just had this 'aha!' moment again. I have 2 stories in mind waiting to be piqued and written down. A YusukeKurama again and a SephirothZack. By the way, this fic was inspired from a Japanese artist named Miyavi. And his song: Mata Yume de Aimashou. Listen to it, I HIGHLY recommend it. You could search for it and translations of it on youtube. DISCLAIMER: All rights of this song belong to Miyavi and the record company. And as for the video and translation, it belongs to the one who made and uploaded this video on youtube. I OWN NOTHING and HAS NOTHING TO DO with this song, this video, this url. I just wanted more people to know about this beautiful(I think) song. Tell me about it. Thanks! ^_^