Disclaimer: I do not own Austin & Ally.
Last summer we met.
We started as friends.
I can't tell you how it all happened.
That summer, that surreal summer, was the time my life really began. Before, I was just the shy girl with too many dreams. When I met him I was able to feel like I was actually needed. I could use my musical talent to grant our future with so many possibilities. At first, it was rough. I actually hated him in the beginning. How dare him, breaking rules of the store by eating a god-awful corndog and clearly disobeying the drums sign. Then he had the nerve to steal my song! But, he made up for it, of course. That was his nature. He was never on time, he was imperfect, he never followed the rules, he did wild things, but he always made up for it. He knew exactly how to be forgiven, or I was just too naïve to leave him. I can't even tell how it all happened. We just clicked instantly.
Then autumn it came,
we were never the same.
Those nights everything,
felt like magic.
That fall, I finally figured out that this boy was changing me. When we performed together for the first time, the adrenaline was amazing. For once, I felt like I could do anything. I thought none of my fears would get to me and that I was free from ever being pulled down. For once, I felt like him. I knew why he loved performing. He was addicted to the adrenaline rush, it was what he lived for. After that, I actually got him more. Our friendship skyrocketed. Those nights that we spent writing songs were magical. No matter how cliché it sounded, it was perfect. Being the cautious person, I was so sure he would leave me one day. I thought that boy was going to leave me when he was famous with his record deal. Instead, he didn't leave the broken girl that I was. He made me whole.
And I wondered if you,
missed me too.
If you don't,
here's the one thing,
that I wished you knew.
He was like a drug. Once you knew him, you wanted more and more of him. When he wasn't around, it was like going cold turkey, like a piece of me was gone. I realized that this was much more than a friendship. I had been dreading this one-sided romance, but I knew that it would eventually happen. Something about him always made me feel right. I was completely and utterly infatuated by him.
I think about you,
every morning when I open my eyes.
I think about you,
every evening when I turn out the lights.
I think about you,
every moment,
every day of my life.
You're on my mind,
all the time,
it's true.
My addiction became unhealthy. I was thinking of him every moment of the day, and it was affecting our relationship. I was scared to become more attached, because my fear of being left by him was looming over me more than ever before. Every morning and every night, I would be thinking about him and wondering why. Why did it have to be him? Out of everyone to become obsessed with, it had to be him. He was the worst to crush on, because he obviously had a wide variety of people to choose, and I was probably the last person on the list. We were practically drowning in the friend zone and I knew it would never be anything more. I knew what my place was; I was his fall back, his second choice.
Would you know what to say,
if I saw you today.
Would you let it all crumble to pieces?
I know that I should,
forget you if I could.
I can't yet for so many reasons.
My complete view on life changed. He actually liked me. He liked me. That boy fought over me, (which feels really weird for me to say) and wanted to be with me. We were this close to kissing. I was this close to feeling his touch, his lips on mine, but I had this unbearable guilt. I was good natured and stealing him from her didn't seem right. Even though what I wanted was about to be lived out in the next minute, I stopped him. I was not going to steal that boy, I was going to earn him. I knew we came to terms of liking each other, but what would it be like after that? Would he try to be with me? Would he think it was all a mistake and try to forget it? I think the last thing I wanted to do was to forget when there was so much to remember.
How long 'till I stop pretending,
what we had was never ending.
Oh, ohhhh.
If all we are is just a moment,
don't forget me 'cause I won't and,
I can't help myself.
We were finally together, and it was pure bliss. I finally realized that I was perfectly content. I thought that everything would be perfect. We could be best friends, partners, and a couple. Unfortunately, you can't have all three. This pure relationship was crashed down in a treacherous way that took a while to get over. I wished that I could just forget him, that I never met him to prevent me from this terrible pain. I knew that would never happen, though. This was fate. He was permanently etched into my brain. The fake smile and the forced laugh had to look like I was over it. I didn't need him to function. I could be myself. I conquered my stage fright. It wasn't just about him anymore. I could focus on myself too. All these little lies I told myself didn't help much. Usually my smile and laugh was for him. I did need him. I needed to have him with me, intimate or not. I couldn't pretend that what we had wasn't real and shove it all in the back of my mind. Was it all just in the moment, or did everything lead up to this?
I think about you,
oh,
I think about you,
ohhhh.
The sad thing was, after we broke up, I realized that I loved him.
I wrote this for 200 followers on Tumblr! Thanks everyone so much for that. I love you guys. I'm sorry if this wasn't good, but thanks for taking your time to read it and all.
