A man brandished his orgasm ray, content on leading his harlem army to victory. His name, was Shrektai. "Charge!" he commanded his ecchi soliders as they frolicked into battle, their mighty bosoms deflecting the onslaught of rape from the opposed enemy.

"We are losing!" disgustingly cried the general of the loli army, warming his pimp slap hand for use. "Loli's, I choose you! Use Kawaiiness!"

"Hai!" shouted his girls in unison, as they flaunted their flat chests to kill the boners of Shrek's ogre force. The leader of this army was... Armin, since he was a little girl himself.

"Mikasa," said Armin, "You and your squadron, called Tentacle, must apprehend the Half-eaten Turkey Sandwich of Destiny!"

Mikasa adjusted her bra and went to address her squad. In it were as follows; Shiro from No Game No Life, Hinata from Naruto (the original series), and the squirrel herself, Sandy Buttcheeks. "Alright men," barked the captain, "As Tentacle, we must penetrate Shrektum in his Recktum, a.k.a his calvary.

"That's what she said," noted Hinata, and after perverted laughs from everyone, Mikasa continued.

"Lets move out!" she ordered, and they did so. While they marched, Sandy dropped to the back of the formation and pulled out her phone.

"Shrek," she whispered, "My lord and savior, we are ready to initiate Operation Happy Dinosaur."

"Excellent," Shrek cackled, "With using you as a spy, I can win this war. Now, rape them all and sneak away."

"I can't sir," Responded she, "My sausage is too undercooked."

"You fool!" yelled Shrek," I thought I told you 'Eggs, bacon, grits!' What am I to do with a non-surprise buttsecks idiot!?" he then hung up the phone.

He nodded to a person next to a big cage and he opened it. With a roar of rage, Barney burst out onto the battlefield. "I love you!" he said, "you love me! Lets get together and fuck in a tree!"

"Shit!" yelled Mikasa, "He will kill us all! Quick! Hinata, cower in a corner and stalk Naruto! Shiro, play some video games! And Sandy-" she looked around, but she was no where to be found, "Oh fudge! I needed her to release Kaneki! His BDSM Tentacle powers are the only thing that can keep us alive!"

"Did someone say BDSM?" asked Barney as he thrusted into Mikasa, instantly killing her. Armin's army was in shambles.

Shrek approached Armin. "Ha!" he mused, "Your army is in shambles. Surrender to me now and I will let you convert to Onionanity."

"Never," growled Armin,"My pretty boy swag prevents me from doing so!"

"You're useless," insulted the Onion King, "just like in the first season of Attack on Titan. Hell, you're even less of a man then Marco, and he was half of one. Now enough talk. Time, to fap."

The world was destroyed anally by the force of the fapping. All, except for a half-eaten turkey sandwich, which later met its demise from lack of Loli.