Conversations
Shikamaru buried his head in hands and allowed the tears to flow freely. Sobs racked his chest until his bones ached with the pain of it.
Asuma.
Mentor, Teacher, father-figure.
There for him, always there for him. Since the day he had left the academy and taken his first clumsy steps into the dark world of the Shinobi Forces. His guide.
Shikaku had taught his son well, to be a good clan leader and heir and to be an even finer ninja, but it was Asuma who had helped him, taught him to fight, driven him to improve and caught him when he fell. It was Asuma that Shikamaru trusted, laughed with and idolised.
And it was that which had been ripped away from him by the crazed immortals. That had been a while ago now but Shikamaru had not let himself give into his grief. He would not allow himself to mourn. Not until his sensei's death was avenged.
Now it was.
The blood of his teacher's murderers now stained the pupil's hands the immortal team of the Akatsuki lay dead and defeated. One, Kakuzu, at the hands of Naruto and his team. The other, Hidan, defeated by him, him alone. His plan, his power, his execution. And that was what devoured Shikamaru from within. Nothing had changed. He had not grown more powerful nor more intelligent between Asuma's death and his vengeance. But if that were so then how could he have been so week, so powerless to save him. Could he have, even then, have saved his sensei? Could he have done something different that would have spared Asuma's life?
The genius' mind was at work, pouring over every scenario. If he had known that or done this instead? If he had been faster? Quicker? Thought further ahead? Could he have? Would he have? Yes. Yes he could have. Yes. Yes he would have.
The positives stabbed through his head and heart like bitter knives. One question remained though. The hardest question of all. Why? Why didn't he?
Bang!
There was a rap at the door. Yoshino had grown tired of her son's hiding and wanted to talk with him. Shikamaru, however, just could not bear to face his mother while in such a state of fresh grief and so slipped out of the window before she could enter his room. Hiding in the shadows of the roof top, he saw her check his room for her wayward son before his father joined her. The two of them stared around his room before Yoshino spoke.
"He was here, Shikaku, just a moment ago. He was here."
"I know."
"He was crying. My little boy was crying and he wouldn't let me hold him. Comfort him. Why, Shikaku? Why can't I hold him anymore?"
"He's not our little boy anymore. Our baby was a bright innocent littlen' but too lazy stay awake through any class or lecture."
"Just like every male Nara before him."
"Yes, Yoshino, a true Nara." The moment of amusement passed like a cloud in a winter's gale and Shikaku's scarred face darkened once more. "This Shikamaru is a soldier, a killer. He goes out in the morning trains, fights and kills people then comes back here sits at our table, his clothes still caked in their blood and mud. He's not our little boy anymore."
"No, no he's not" agreed Yoshino.
Shikamaru hissed in icy pain as each word stung him with grief and their betrayal. He turned to leave but inside Shikaku continued.
"But he's still our son, no matter what. He chose the path of a ninja, as did I, and I'm proud to see him fighting to protect the village and its people."
Yoshino smiled.
"I know. He's grown up so fast I just hope he gets through his grief. The death of Sarutobi-san hit him very hard."
Shikaku nodded.
"The first one always hurts but get over it. Shikamaru will back to normal in no time."
The Nara Clan clasped his wife's shoulders in comfort and the two of them left their son's room. Shikamaru slipped from his rooftop perch and slid down onto the lawn. Making his way to the team 10 training grounds, he mulled over his parent's words.
What his parents had said had shocked him deeply. He had not realised how consumed by Shinobi life he had become. How? When had this happened? And again, why? That was always the troubling question. His father had said it was to protect the village and its inhabitants but it wasn't. Shikamaru did not really feel much for Konoha. He would gladly fight and die for those in it he loved but the village itself was nothing more than a settlement. Why should it matter so greatly to him? He could think of no applicable reason. And he sacrificed so much for it. He bled for it almost daily, trained until he collapsed and had given up any chance for a normal life for it. And for what? So that the Council could tax his parents into sending him to the Academy. So that they could deign to give him a team and a low-jounin teacher to make him a low-chuunin. He had a few people he fought for but Konoha had not given him the strength to protect them so that his teacher had died in his arms and his closest friends had been wounded and near death on several occasions. Why? Why then did he fight for them?
Shikamaru walked slowly, almost completely lost in thought so he took twice his usual time to reach Team 10's usual meeting spot. Before he could reach the training ground though, he saw the red and purple figures of his friends coming towards him. Unwilling to face their inevitable questions, Shikamaru suppressed his chakra and hid behind the foliage of a nearby tree. Ino and Chouji were walking slowly while they held an animated conversation. Correction, Ino was talking in her enthusiastic manner and Chouji was nodding and agreeing when she infrequently paused for breath. The topic of their one-sided conversation was the recent mission.
"And Forehead said that Naruto did this completely mental attack but there was some sort of backlash and he got some serious damage to, mainly his chakra network but also his nervous system took a real beating. Still Kakashi said he'd never seen anything like it and he's Kakashi of the Sharingan Eye. He's supposed to have mastered of one thousand jutsus! Since when did Naruto get to be so powerful? Still it did take all five of them to take down Kakuzu. They were both so powerful. Him and that Hidan. But it only took Shikamaru to take down Hidan. I still can't believe that lazy killed one of the Akatsuki on his own. The pineapple-haired loser who couldn't even stay awake Iruka-sensi's graduation speech actually managed to take down an S-rank criminal by himself."
"He is very different from the kid he was at the academy. We all are" Chouji agreed, nodding sagely as he munched on a mouthful of crisps.
Think what Asuma-sensei would say if he could see us now. He wouldn't have known what hit him. He would have…if he…I'm just saying that…Kurenai-sensei said that…"
Their voices trailed off as they walked away, leaving a stunned Shikamaru in their wake. That was one angle he hadn't considered, for all his genius. What would Asuma say if he were alive? What would he do? A Fleeting smile crossed Shikamaru's face. He would say to man and up and move on, no matter what it took. But how could he? How could he move on while the pain and bitter past was so fresh? Asuma-sensei had been so strong about that. Growing up in his father's shadow had been hard for him but, instead of following people's expectations of him, Asuma had left Konoha to become one of the Twelve Guardian Ninja of Fire Country.
Reaching the Team Ten training grounds at last, Shikamaru sat down and crossed his hands into their habitual thinking position. He considered his options.
He could stay here and continue much as he had before but that led to an early grave and an empty goal.
He could leave the village and seek training out of Fire Country but he knew of no safe sanctuary and he would be declared a missing-nin and hunted down for execution.
Or he could seek help closer to home and follow in his sensei's footsteps and appeal to the Daimyo to join the Twelve Guardian Ninja but that too promised the same end as simply staying in the village.
Shikamaru was so deep in thought he never heard his strange watcher's approach.
