Summary: Have you ever wondered what Tigerclaw thinks? Did you ever wonder how Redtail really died? And why does Firepaw have a strange new nickname? Enter a world where Sandpaw is Jesus, Bette Milder makes random appearances, and Tigerclaw goes goth.
WARNING: This fic is incredibly random and stupid. I only put it up because I'm having major writer's block and it gives me something to do.
So here we go, into the mind of everyone's favorite murderer; Tigerclaw!
INSIDE THE MIND OF TIGERCLAW
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So today I had a pretty good day.
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A bunch of otter warriors tried to take Sunningrocks. Again.
OtterClan.
It's funny how everything seems to happen to ThunderClan.
We always win.
We never die.
Except this time.
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Maybe it's because I'm better than StarClan.
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I AM YOUR GOD.
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Bluestar is super PMS.
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"Tigerclaw!"
"What?"
"You're thinking out loud again.."
"…crap."
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"Tigerclaw, we must give up! RiverClan has too many warriors!"
"No, Redtail, Oakheart called me fat! ThunderClan will never be defeated!" (angst look)
"Tigerclaw, ThunderClan will honor your courage, but this is a fight we'd not win." (kills Oakheart)
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"Tigerclaw, you need to lose some weight. Oakheart was right."
"STFUUU!" (kills)
"OMG REDTAIL GOT PWNED."
"…go away, Ravenpaw."
"….." (runs away)
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That's how it really happened.
-
I'm feeling really depressed today.
I think I'll go emo.
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"Tigerclaw, how did this happen? And why did you dye your fur black?"
"HE CALLED ME FAT!" (slits wrists)
"Whatever. (mumbles) Fat emo loser."
"STFU! (angst angst angst)
"Also, there is a new apprentice. Since his crappy American-made collar broke, it is a sign. He'll be called Firepaw, because yadda yadda yadda, we all know what's going to happen."
-
The other night, I had this weird dream.
Me and Goldenflower were.
Never mind.
-
So today I had to train Firepaw.
Oh my Tigerclaw, is he annoying.
First, he dubbed me, "Tiggy."
So I called him, "Great Balls of Fire".
I have a feeling that's a knock-off of some Twoleg 1980's song.
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Oh my me.
I am fat.
(angst angst angst).
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Great Balls of Fire, you are the wind beneath my wings!
"Tigerclaw."
"What?"
"You're talking out loud again."
"….crap."
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Bette Midler, eat your heart out.
