The Pin's Head
Ezra Evans
Rating: K
Warnings: angst, character death
Disclaimer: I do not own Will, Lyra, or anything remotely related to His Dark Materials, all of which is the exclusive property of Philip Pullman. Except maybe the movie, but let's not speak of such despicable things.
Author's Notes: I have the combined version of HDM, and it has bonus "Lantern Slides" — little extra snippets that Pullman only thought of after he'd gone and published the books. One of them mentions Will going on to become a doctor, so I've included that here (and will probably continue to include it in the next chapters).
Word Count: 716
.o.n.e.
Broken Promises
"Will,
"I know I promised you that I'd be happy in my world. I know I promised you that when I got married, I wouldn't compare the two of us. I'm sorry, Will. I can't keep those promises. I don't belong in my world anymore.
"For one thing, no one understands me here in St. Sophia's. I've been studying the alethiometer for seven years—has it been seven years already?—and blending in fairly well until the first Midsummer's Day, when they decided to hold a festival that lasted from morning to evening. Of course I went to the Botanic Garden anyway, but they tried to drag me back into the fair. I couldn't explain why I had to stay in the Garden, of course, since they wouldn't believe me.
"And then, Will, on my birthday, Serafina Pekkala and Iorek Byrnison both came to visit me. Serafina came quietly and left quietly, but people still noticed and the rumor spread that I was a witch. And of course, Iorek being Iorek, he came in right through the classroom door and spoke to me and left right away. Once people started thinking that I was a witch, one of the girls distracted me and her dæmon led Pan away, and so it got out that I was a witch (which we both know isn't really true, just sort of half-true).
"Will, I'm not happy in my world. I don't think it is my world anymore. Pan seems sadder by the day, and so am I. I've been wondering, maybe I should have gone with you to your world. But ten years... it really is too short, isn't it?
"But, I'm getting better at the alethiometer every day. One day, I'm going to ask if we will ever meet each other before we die. I can only hope that I won't grow old before that happens.
"Oh, Will... I hope we see each other again before we die. I'm sorry I broke our promises, but at least... at least I kept the most important one, didn't I?"
"Lyra,
"I know I promised you that I'd be happy in my world. I know I promised you that when I got married, I wouldn't compare the two of us. I'm sorry, Lyra. I can't keep those promises. I don't belong in my world anymore.
"I'm a medical student, now, but it's so strange, because I've not lost the feel for the knife, though it's been broken for—has it already been so long?—seven years now, and so I know, whenever I have to make a diagnosis, what's wrong, but I have to pretend to mess up sometimes, since it's not right that I should know what's wrong but not why it's wrong. It will be so much easier once I am qualified, though I'll still have to be able to explain it to myself so I can explain it to my patients.
"My mother passed away a year ago, on Midsummer's Day, when I was in the Botanic Garden with you. Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault. Mother never really got better. Mrs. Cooper, the old lady who had taken care of her, helped her for a while, but gradually she kept getting worse while I was wandering around the worlds with you, since she thought that I'd left her, too. I came back, of course, and she was happy to see me, but she never really truly got better.
"She was happy when I told her that I'd seen Dad, and that he was never unfaithful to her, but of course, I had to tell her that he'd died, as well. That broke her more than anything else, I suppose. Still, I told her a bit about the exit from the world of the dead, and she'd smiled and told me that she was glad. I suppose Gracious Wings met her with a smile. I wonder, does Gracious Wings have more beauty, now that she does not have to feed on the worst deeds of the ghosts? But that will not matter until we, you and I, Lyra, die.
"Oh, Lyra... I hope we see each other again before we die. I'm sorry I broke our promises, but at least I kept the most important one, right?"
