Two cookie-cutter-cute girls sing along in their car to a bit of popular fluff music.
A nineteen year old girl with dark brown short hair, brown eye, wearing a a Metallica shirt, with jeans , grey and black striped fingerless gloves and a shuriken necklace named Jade drive and sees the girls playing their favorite song. She glares at them and drove off to her school. Jade hurries toward the front door of what appears to be the Wayne Manor version of an ordinary high school. She approaches another cookie-cutter-cutie pasting an advert for prom on the wall, and tears it down in passing.
"Hey!" replied Cyan
In a office a teenager who has white long hair with dogs ears, Amber eyes and wears a red shirt with jeans named Inuyasha, sitting with Retsu Unhoana conservative spinster stereotype turned on its head. She's in the middle of composing some racy lines from her pulp romance-novel-in-progress on her laptop.
"So, Inuyasha Hanatori. Here you go. 9 schools in 10 years, my my... Army brat?" asked Unohana.
"Yeah. My dad's a." Before Inuyasha could say that his sentence.
"That's enough. I'm sure you won't find any different than your old school. Same little asswipe shit-for-brains everywhere." replied Unohana.
"Excuse me. Did you just say... Am I in the right office?" asked Inuyasha as Unohana pushes him out of her office
"Not anymore you're not. I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish. Now scoot. Scoot!" Replied Unohana.
"Okay. Thanks." replied Inuyasha as rises to leave and passes a nineteen year old boy with red eyes and long black hair and wore a black shirt and jeans, who's on his way in. Unohana looks down at her file and looks at him.
"Naraku Onigumo. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual." Replied Unohana as she gives him a disapproving glance as Naraku answers with a charming smile.
"Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, get the lights?" Asked Naraku.
"Oh very clever, Naraku. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria? asked Unohana.
"I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst." answered Naraku.
"Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!" Replied Unohana as Naraku leaves, she goes back to writing her novel, adding the word "bratwurst" to the sentence she's working on.
In the hallways Inuyasha was walking as a teenager named Miroku came to him.
"Miroku Shiki. I'm supposed to show you around." Replied Miroku.
"Oh hi. Thank God! You know, normally they send down one of those audio/video geeks." Replied Inuyasha.
You know, I do. I know what you mean, yeah." replied Miroku as An audio/video geek pushing a cart full of film equipment rolls along side them.
"Hey Miroku, where should I put those slides?" Asked Uryu as Miroku brushes off the A/V Geek
"So, uh Inuyasha. Here's the breakdown:" replied Miroku as they begin to walk down the hallway.
"Over there you've got your basic beautiful people. Now listen. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother." Replied Miroku.
"But wait. Is that your rule or theirs?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Watch. Hey there." Replied Miroku.
"Geek." Called Aizen.
"See that?" Replied Miroku as Aizen and his friends glare as if offended while the two walk away exiting outside of the school. Groups of students stand around. Miroku and Inuyasha continue their walk.
"To the left we have the coffee kids." replied Miroku.
"Whoa!" Replied Sasori
"That was Costa Rican, butthead!" Added Deidara.
"Very edgy. Don't make any sudden moves around them. They step down and pass a table full of white boys with dreadlocks and prerequisite Jamaican berets. And these delusionals are the White Rasta. Uh, they're big Marley fans. They think they're black. Semi-political, but mostly." Replied Miroku
"Smoke a lot of weed?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Yeah. They now approach a few kids dressed as urban cowboys. These guys." Replied Miroku
'Wait wait. Let me guess. Cowboys?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Yeah but, the closest they've come to a cow is Macdonald's. Hah hah...Macdonalds!" Replied Miroku as they approach a group of studious-looking teens who are bent over textbooks at a table.
"These are your future" replied Miroku.
"We're all Ivy League accepted. Yuppie greed is back, my friend." Replied the group.
"Hey guys. How ya doin'?" Asked Miroku as one of them looks annoyed and mutters something about Madara, leader of the academic geeks.
"Why does he mutter his own name?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Maybe he just likes to speak in the third person. Yesterday I was their god." Answered Miroku.
"What happened?" Asked Inuyasha
"Madara Uchiha started a rumor that I...that I buy my Izods at an outlet mall." Answered Miroku
"So they kicked you out?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Hostile takeover. But don't worry. They'll pay. Now over here" Answered Miroku.
"Oh my god!" Replied Inuyasha as a girl with brown eyes and black long hair walking by and the dog demon is in deep smit.
"What group is she in?" Asked Inuyasha.
"The "don't even think about it" group. That's Kagome Higurashi. A sophomore." Replied Miroku.
"I burn! I pine! I perish!" Replied Inuyasha
"Of course you do. You know, she's beautiful and deep. Pure." replied Miroku as Kagome walks with her friend, Kikyo.
"Yup, see, there's a difference between "like" and "love". Because I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack." Replied Kagome.
"But I love my Sketchers." Replied Kikyo.
"That's because you don't have a Prada backpack." Replied Kagome.
"Ohhh!" Replied Kikyo.
"Listen. Forget her. Incredibly uptight father, and it's a widely known fact that the Stratford sisters aren't allowed to date." Replied Miroku.
"Uh huh...yeah." replied Inuyasha
A room full of bored seniors doodle and stare off into space as their teacher named Spandam.
"Okay then. What did everyone think of The Sun Also Rises?" Asked Spandam as a girl named Winry Rockbell raises her hand and offers her appraisal." Replied Spandam
"I loved it. It was sooo romantic." Replied Winry.
"Romantic? Hemingway?! He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers." replied Jade as the other students roll their eyes and Bankotsu began to talk.
"As opposed to a bitter self-righteous hag who has no friends?" Asked Bankotsu as a few giggles. Jade fumes from her seat without looking back.
"Pipe down, Chachie." Replied Spandam.
"I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time. What about Sylvia Platt or Charlotte Bronte or Simone de Beauvoir?" Asked Jade as Naraku suddenly steps into the classroom.
"What'd I miss?" asked Naraku.
"The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education." Answered Jade
"Good." Replied Naraku as he turns and leaves the classroom.
"Hey, hey!" Replied Spandam.
"Uh, Spandam. Is there any chance we could get Jade to take her Mydol before she comes to class?" Asked Bankotsu as more snickers from the class.
"Some day you're gonna get bitch-slapped and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it. And Jade. I want to thank you for your point of view." Replied Spandam as Jade smiles to herself, her social indignation justified.
"I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper middle class suburban oppression. It must be tough. She deflates and becomes bitter again. But the next time you storm around the PTA crusading for better lunch meat, or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask them why they can't buy a book written by a jerk!" Replied Spandam as Kisame and Tobi from earlier take up his cry of inequality.
"That's right mon!" Whined Kisame and Tobi.
"Don't even get me started on you two! Warned Spandam as they grumble apologetically and quickly shut up.
"Anything else?" Asked Jade.
"Yeah. Go to the office. You're pissing me off." Answered Spandam.
"What?l" called Jade
"Later!" Replied Spandam as Jade gets up from her desk and hits Bankotsu in the face with her books while leaving the classroom.
In the office Unohana sits in front of her laptop, composing her sleazy novel.
"Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape... ...excitable, stiff and... as Unohana gets frustrated.
"Isane." Called Unohana as Isane appears at the door.
"What's another word for...engorged?" Asked Unohana.
"I'll look it up." Replied Isane.
"Okay." Replied Unohana as Jade approaches the office and overhears her searching for the right word.
"swollen...turgid..." before Unohana could think of a sentence in her novel Jade spoke up.
"Tumescent?" Replied Jade.
"Perfect! So I hear you were terrorizing Mr Spandam's class. Again." Replied Unohana.
"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action." Replied Jade.
"The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested." Replied Unohana.
"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls." Replied Jade.
"The point is Jade... As Unohana suddenly makes the connection between Jade name and on her jade colored coffee mug. She finds it amusing and points to the mug.
"Jade! People perceive you as somewhat ..." as Jade interrupts Unohana.
"Tempestuous?" Replied Jade
"Heinous bitch" is the term used most often." Replied Unohana as Jade is unflattered.
"You might want to work on that. Thank you." Replied Unohana as Jade rises from her chair.
"As always, thank you for your excellent guidance. I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member." Replied Jade as leaves the office.
"Quivering member... I like that." replied Unohana.
Outside of School Bankotsu and his friend Gatenmaru notices Kagome and Kikyo entering the courtyard and calls Bankotsu's attention to Kagome.
"Virgin alert." Replied Gatenmaru as he turns to look at Kagome while the girls pass by, and him.
"Looking good, ladies." Complaint Bankotsu.
"They're outta reach, even for you." replied Gatenmaru.
"No one's out of reach for me." Replied Bankotsu.
"You wanna put money on that?" Asked Gatenmaru
"Money I've got. This I'm going to do for fun." Answered Bankotsu as Inuyasha and Miroku have been watching Kagome and Kikyo notices Bankotsu's admiration.
"Who's that guy?" Asked Inuyasha.
"It's Bankotsu Kuramusa. He's a jerkoff. And a model." Answered Miroku.
"He's a model?" Asked Inuyasha.
"A model. Mostly regional stuff. But he's rumored to have a tube sock ad coming out." Answered Miroku.
"Really?" Replied Inuyasha.
"Really." Answered Miroku as they have a laugh at Bankotsu's expense and Inuyasha turns back to watching Kagome.
"Man, look at her." Replied Inuyasha.
"Is she always so...vapid?" Asked Miroku.
"How can you say that? She's totally..as Miroku interrupts the dog eared demon.
"Conceited?" Replied Miroku.
"What are you talking about? There's more to her than you think. I mean, look... look at the way she smiles. And look at her eyes, man. She's totally pure. I mean, you're missing what's there." Replied Inuyasha.
"No, Inuyasha. No. What's there is a snotty little Princess wearing a strategically planned sun dress to make guys like us realize we can never touch her, and guys like, uh." replied Miroku as he looks around and notices Bankotsu making his way toward the girls.
"Bankotsu, realize they want to. She, my friend, is what we'll spend the rest of our lives not having. Put her in the Spank Bank. Move on." Replied Miroku.
"No." Replied Inuyasha
"Move on." Replied Miroku.
"No! You're wrong about her. I mean, you know, uh, not about the spanking part. But the rest. You're wrong." Replied Inuyasha.
"Alright. I'm wrong? You wanna take a shot? Be my guest. She's actually looking for a French tutor." Added Miroku.
"Are you serious? That's perfect!" Replied Inuyasha.
"Do you speak French?" Asked Miroku
"Well no. But I will." Answered Inuyasha.
At the school parking lot Jade and her friend Sango walk towards her car. Joey pulls up beside them in his red sports car.
"Hey. Your little Metallica look is out, Jade. Didn't you read last month's Cosmo?" Asked Bankotsu.
"Run along." Answered Jade as she and Sango continue walking while Kagome and Kikyo are walking, embroiled in meaningful conversation.
"I know you can be overwhelmed. You can be underwhelmed. But can you ever just be whelmed?" Asked Kikyo.
"I think you can in Europe." Answered Kagome as Bankotsu pulls up alongside them.
"Hi ladies. Would you sweet young things like a ride?" Asked Bankotsu as they look at each other and immediately hop in, climbing over his upholstery.
"Careful on the leather." Replied Bankotsu as Jade and Sango watches them from inside Jade's clunker.
"That's a charming new development." Replied Sango.
"It's disgusting." Complainted Jade.
Meanwhile, Miroku has mounted an old motorcycle equipped with a plastic dork basket on the handles. He jets a bit out of control and kills the engine in front of Jade car. The girl shouts out the window.
"Remove head from sphincter, then drive!" Shouted Jade as Miroku regains control and pulls out of the way to where Inuyasha has been watching.
"You all right?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Yeah, yeah. Just a minor encounter with the shrew. Your girlfriend's sister." Replied Miroku.
"What? That's Kagome's sister?" Asked Inuyasha.
"Mmm hmm. The mewling, rampalian wretch herself. Stay cool, bro." Replied Miroku as he jets off once again, risks another near collision, and ends up flying right off the road and sliding halfway down a grassy hill. Recovering his composure, Miroku realizes half the school is watching from the top of the hill. He raises his hands in the air and gives a victory yell, drawing cheers from the crowd.
