AN: This is not a love story, despite the title. Yes, there will be romance in it, obviously, but the focus isn't on that.

I sometimes feel as though fanfiction writers adopt an attitude of, "so they love each other. Who cares that they're both guys?" or touch on the issue very, very lightly. But this isn't a light topic, or a simple case of "he loves him, he loves him not." This is big. And I intend to treat it as big.

··············································································

My name is Tezuka Kunimitsu.

And I'm afraid I might be gay.

It had started over the summer, one afternoon when Fuji and Oishi had convinced me to go with them to the beach. I had joined them, albeit reluctantly, as we settled down on the towel Fuji had brought along.

"Um…excuse me," a voice began. It was a girl I'd seen somewhere before… she might've been in my class or something the year before. She had… filled out over the summer, and wore- if you could call it wore- a tiny bikini that more than accentuated that fact.

"Can I help you?" I had asked politely, wishing she'd go away. The beach was crowded enough as it was, and another person sitting with us would just make me claustrophobic.

"Oh!" She gave me a grateful smile. "I was hoping you were Tezuka Kunimitsu from my class! I'm Yashi, remember? I sat next to you in biology last year…?"

I nodded shortly, trying not to make her feel welcome. She seemed to get the message, quickly smiling at Fuji and Oishi and excusing herself.

I turned back to the two of them… and saw a bright splotch of color above each of Oishi's cheekbones, and Fuji's wide blue eyes, open as he stared after her.

"Sh-she…" Oishi shook his head vigorously, as though willing himself to shake her picture out of his mind. "Wow," was all he could manage.

Fuji turned to me. "That's our Tezuka," he teased, returning to normal. "Never fazed by even a beautiful girl."


A beautiful girl…
We were at that age when our hormones did all the talking, and a girl who looked like that wearing almost nothing should have affected me at least a little. What was wrong with me?

That had been my first clue. The second was later that day, when Fuji decided we were going to go swimming. He pulled me along to the ocean, laughing, then as Oishi watched ruefully, stripped down to only his swimming trunks and jumped into the water, pulling me in with him.

My clothing billowed around me as I struggled to remain afloat. Laughing, Fuji swam circles around me as I attempted to pull off my shirt.

But the distractions were too great- not the distraction of the water surrounding me, but the distraction of Fuji. My eyes followed him involuntarily, and I didn't even realize what I was staring at until…

"Tezuka… are you just going to stare at me or are you going to have FUN!" Fuji demanded, grabbing my shirt and yanking it off.

I was suddenly aware of his fingers lightly brushing against my skin and what he was doing (never mind that where we were, what he was doing was totally ordinary), and I started getting very, very hot.

I turned away so Fuji and Oishi wouldn't see my face- (which I was sure was bright red)- and forced myself to calm down. Why was I feeling this way?

Finally, I regained my cool and stripped down on my own. "Don't ever do that again," I warned an impishly grinning Fuji.

"Can't you take a joke, Ku-ni-mit-su-chan?" he drawled in a very unlike Fuji manner.

Oishi laughed. "I'd say Tezuka's got to loosen up. After all, next year's tennis captain can't be all stern…"

"Someone has to be," Fuji pointed out. "Maybe I should be the serious one." He grabbed my glasses off my nose and put them on, screwing up his face in a fair caricature of my own stony visage. "Don't let your guard down!" he barked at Oishi.

"Yes, sir," Oishi saluted, then pretended to lift a phantom racket and swing it.

"Now run thirty laps around the ocean!" Fuji ordered.

Oishi took off toward the tideline, grinning.

"You still alive?" Fuji asked me, not turning around. I fought to keep direct my eyes upwards toward the seagulls flying by. Don't look at him. Not until you figure out just what you were feeling before.

"Is Oishi coming back?" I asked finally.

Fuji shrugged. "Looks like he saw someone he knows down there. He's talking to some guy."

"Ah." I had nothing else to say. "I think I'm going to head home now, before it gets late."

"Wait!" Fuji's yell, sounding almost desperate, stopped me in my tracks.

I turned to face him. "Yes?"

He shrugged. "Never mind." His eyes closed and he turned away. "See you later."

"Later," I agreed, heading for the changing rooms.

Once inside one, I shut the door and leaned against the wall weakly. What had come over me? Why had I acted, no, felt like that? What was wrong with me!

I suspected the truth, even then, but I didn't dare to say it aloud. Saying the words would make it real. And I didn't want it to be real…