Title: The other one

Summary: It's not like harvesting tomatoes is attractive, anyways. Ficlet, Romano-centered, one-sided Spain/Romano if you squint.

Wordcount: 556

Characters: Romano. Veneziano and Spain are mentioned.

Genre: Genfic, Reflection

Rating: PG-13 (I guess it's suitable, although I don't know what for.)

Author's notes: I had started this right before going on holiday, but I saw this little one abandoned in my PC folder, so I decided to finish it. You know, reviews, tomatoes, whatever you want is welcome. Also, very original title.


I wish I was more like you. I wish, sometimes, that you'd be more like me so I could do everything you do to me but to myself, wish I could know how being the one showing affection feels. I wish it didn't have to be you hugging me, loving me, caring about me. I wish I could be more like you so that I could be better to myself, better to the world, a lot better to you. I wish I could understand your actions, your gestures, everything and anything you do, and understand how good it feels to be like you and be good to others. I want to be me, but just with a little bit more of you.

xxx

It is the feeling of being left out that sometimes hits me like cold water. I don't like that feeling.

- He is so cute! God, Romano, have you just taken a look at him already? He does everything so perfectly, so… adorably. I wonder how!

No, you don't just wonder how he does it, you wonder how I'm nothing like him and how I never seem to do anything right.

And I, I wonder it too.

xxx

I do know better. I know better than anyone that I fail, I know exactly where I fail, I know how I should avoid it, I know it and I try, try but I can't, and I fail again.

Again, and once again. The word fail is so worn out in my mind that I almost feel sorry for feeling that way.

(Only that I don't. I fail so often. I'm not going to pity a word over myself.)

xxx

I'm perfectly aware that confidence is attractive. However, I'm not sure I really lack it. I believe that deep down I feel okay with myself, but perhaps I need to feel more than okay for others to see it. I want to show them that I'm as pleasant to be with as anyone else – specially my brother. It's not like he's special or anything… I guess. If I didn't have any good qualities, that stupid Spain wouldn't be literally stalking me and bothering me with his… himself. He bothers me. But I guess my ego feels good when he does it and I push him away and know – right away – that, whatever I'd do, or did, he would or was there, still stalking me and adoring me. Kinda. That is, most likely, the wrong word, but. I'm not the smart one, the only thing I can do is harvest tomatoes, do nothing all day and be clumsy.

I should feel good being who I am, acting how I act. Instead I just feel guilty, bad.

It's not like harvesting tomatoes is attractive, anyways.

xxx

Are we really all different in our own way? All equal, but all different?

It's a pretty statement, it is.

It's not like pretty statements make me feel better about not receiving as much attention as Veneziano does, either.

(Whatever the fuck it is.)

Perhaps… ugh, I don't know.

…I guess I'm jealous.

(And then I hide in my bedroom, I stare at nothing, I secretly wish for someone – even Spain – to search for me and flatter me and blow my ego. I pretend it really heals these things I'm feeling.)