Gale of Laughter
Chapter 1
Boat Jacking
"Master Greevil sir!"
"Not now Auras, I've nearly got that bastard…"
The blue-cloaked, blue-haired, blue-eyed man ground his teeth in frustration. "Sir, XD001 is approaching the S.S. Libra."
"That's wonderful-DAMN YOU BLINKY!" Furiously, the little man threw the DS across the room. Throwing out a pokeball, he yelled. "ZAPDOS, DESTROY BLINKY."
Lightning split the air and Blinky was no more.
"Sir? XD001 needs the verification orders."
"Shut up." The midget pouted. "I'm in withdrawal."
"Sir?"
"I think I'm addicted to Pac-man."
Taking a deep breath, Auras spoke again. "Our plan to take over the world, sir."
"Oh, yeah. We must steal useless Pokémon, rip out their hearts and replace said hearts with DSs."
"Sir, XD001 won't move without your permission."
"Did you tell Eldis to pick up Happy Meals for everyone? We must celebrate Blinky's demise!"
(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)
Eldis clung grimly to the back of the huge flying bird.
"What do you mean, he's having Pac-man withdrawals? XD001 and I have been hovering above this stupid ship for fifteen minutes now! The damn bird won't listen to me!"
Auras' voice came in a burst of static over the radio. "I'll try sort out the situation on my end. Meanwhile, you try convince XD001 that it doesn't need Master Greevil to tell it everything." The line went dead.
Groaning, Eldis tried talking to XD001 again.
Come on man! All you gotta do is pick up the damn ship and carry it off. I mean, it's like the smallest cruise ship in existence. With your amazing psychic powers, this should be a breeze!
Do you ever feel underappreciated? XD001's telepathic response sounded hollow and morose. Tis fate's cruel vice that I am bound to suffer. Woe betide me and all those who wish fortune turn my way.
Eldis grimaced. Greevil had insisted on making XD001 so miserable that it lived to serve its master. If anyone else tried to get it to do anything, they were merely drowned by the endless tide of misery.
XD001 was still bemoaning his existence. Tis a bitter truth that the tides of fortune must always be turned against me. Would that there were any escape from this life of failure. XD001 expressively swept one of its wings out, forgetting his precariously perched passenger.
"Oh sh-ahhhh!" Eldis' scream was whipped away by the wind as he plummeted towards the raging ocean.
(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)
"Sir, a man has fallen off of the bird!"
"I'll save him!" Seconds later, a very soggy red man flew over the side of the boat.
"Dude, it doesn't count if you use a Starmy!"
Groaning, Eldis rolled over and looked at the captain and the first mate, who were the only people on the boat. It was, after all, a very small cruise ship.
Raising his eyes to the heavens, he spotted XD001, still hovering morosely beneath the clouds.
"He's not talking. Quick cap'n, give 'im some mouth-to-mouth!"
"Right on it mate!"
Panicking, Eldis tried to back away as the captain advanced on him. Unfortunately, epic robes do not give one much maneuverability…especially when wet.
(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)
"Auras, you're such a failure." Greevil was ranting about nothing in particular now. Auras felt frustration building in him.
"Master Greevil, remember our plot for world domination?"
"Your brother Eldis is so much better than you are."
Auras sighed. "Yes sir, we've already established that he's a better trainer than I am."
"Eldis can make toast."
"No he can't! He burned it this morning!" Arceus, why on earth was he taking part in this argument?
"Were you in the kitchen at the time?"
"…Yes?"
"That's why it burned." Greevil nodded happily to himself.
He continued. "Your brother sees my dream in its full light." The old man spun in a circle, his arms raised to the ceiling. "It is our great duty to randomly steal peoples' Pokémon and rip their hearts out for no particular reason."
"Sir, about that plan, XD001 is waiting for your orders."
"XD001?" Greevil looked at him, puzzled.
Auras sighed. "The ultimate shadow Pokémon? The one that can never be purified?"
Greevil scratched his chin. "Not ringing a bell…"
"We sent it out with Eldis; they were going to steal the S.S. Libra."
"Eldis is out there?"
Seeing something click in the Master's eyes, Auras felt hope rising in him. "Yes, he needs you to order XD001 to pick up the ship."
Tears came to the old man's eyes. "Daddy's pride and joy; my own little munchkin out there fighting against all that is good in the world."
Auras took a deep, calming breath. "Yes, he needs your help."
Greevil looked at Auras disapprovingly. "Eldis is out there fighting for our cause while you stand here and do nothing."
"Sir―"
"Silence! It appears that I am doomed to have you living under my roof until I die!"
"Master, this is getting us nowhere…"
(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)
'Daddy's pride and joy' was currently curled up in a ball in the middle of the S.S. Libra's deck. Standing above him were two very concerned sailors.
"I don' believe it," Mumbled the First Mate, scratching his chin absently. "We've tried darn near everything."
"Le's see," the Captain said. "Firs' we gave 'im some good ol' mouth-ter-mouth, then we tries the trusty Heimlich. Well, tha' didn' work, so we gave 'im some rum."
Eldis shuddered as he remember the burly men pinning him to the ground, forcing his jaw open, and dumping the foul tasting liquid down his throat. Added to the Heimlich and the mouth-to-mouth, Eldis was now scarred for life.
Gathering as much of his dignity, Eldis hauled himself to his feet, somewhat weighed down by his wet robes. Straightening his back, he gave the men what he hoped was a disdainful look.
"Master Greevil sends his greetings." He pulled out a pokeball, releasing a large dragon-like Pokémon.
"Salamence, whirlwind." He sighed in satisfaction as the two men were blown off the deck.
Turning towards XD001, he pulled out his radio, which was fortunately waterproof.
"Eldis here, how is it going on your end?"
There was a long pause, and then Auras' voice came through. "Not well. He's busy telling me what a failure I am."
Eldis groaned. "Pass the radio to him; maybe I can talk him around."
"You sure there's no chance of you talking XD001 around? I think that would be easier."
"No chance, it knocked me off its back; I'm on the Libra now."
There was a rush of static as Auras sighed, followed by a pause. "Alright, here he is."
A split second later, Greevil's voice came through. "My son, my golden child! What can Daddy do for you today?"
"I need you to tell this damn bird to pick up the damn ship!"
"Ooh, that's what Auras was talking about. Why is he calling it XD001? All I've ever called it is 'damn bird'. Sure, anything for my son."
Obviously, XD001 must have gotten the message, because a second later Eldis was teleported back onto its back. There was a buzz of power in the air and the S.S. Libra slowly rose out of the waves.
Oh, pity be mine that I should be burdened with such a task. XD001's melodramatic voice rang in Eldis' head. To be forever chained with the bonds of slavery.
"Damn bird." was the only response to that.
(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)
"Eldis reports that they have made it about half-way to the factory by now."
Greevil was now happily spinning in circles in his hoverchair.
"SIR! I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU MISTER SIR. SIR, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE HEAR ME OUT SIR!" An insanely buff peon roared from the doorway.
Greevil stopped spinning. He looked at the peon, his eyes a little unfocused. "What is the message?"
"SIR! OUR CONTACTS IN PHENAC HAVE REPORTED THE IMMINENT RELEASE OF THE NEW PAC-MAN CONSOLE SIR!"
Greevil grabbed the radio from Auras. Clearing his throat importantly, he raised it to his mouth.
(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)-(-o-)
After several hours in the desert, Eldis' clothes were finally dry. He still had a nasty taste on his tongue though.
Greevil's voice issued forth from his radio. "Damn bird, drop everything! We have an appointment to make!"
"Wait, don't drop the…"
But the S.S. Libra was already plummeting towards the sandy desert.
A/N I know that there are a lot of parodies for the various Pokémon games, but I have yet to see one for Gale of Darkness. This is really sad, because there are a lot of characters that you could really go OOC on.
Just a few character snippets:
Greevil is loosely based off of Mr. D. from Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
XD001 was inspired by Marvin the Robot from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. All I did was add in a little Shakespeare.
'Damn you Blinky' is a slightly modified line from Percy Jackson and the Olympians. In The Last Olympian, Mr. D. calls down an ancient curse upon Blinky. I merely swapped out the Greek words for 'Damn you', which seemed more applicable to this story.
Please review.
