There is no real gore involved in this. I do not own Naruto, I only own this plot and Natsuki.
THIS IS A PARODY/SPIN-OFF FROM MY FANFICTION WEAPONS DEALER. Thank-you to ForASunset'sRise for the idea, your comment inspired me to write this :)

"Dr. Natsuki... I hit my head again..."
"DEIDARA! For God's sake, do you really think I care?"
"Well you're the-" "NO! I don't!" Deidara flew out into the corridor, a new bruise on his butt.

Natsuki sighed, turning back to her desk. She straightenned her medical coat and stared back down at her paperwork. Right, now she could get back to work- "Hey Bitch!" She sighed.
"What is it now Hidan?"
"Kakuzu chopped my fucking head off again. Fix it." She didn't turn around.
"Get Kakuzu to do it."
"He's in another fucking mood! Besides, that old miser doesn't have-"
"HIDAN! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"
"Not until you sew my fucking head back on, Bitch!"
"I won't tolerate lecherous comments from you, now get out!" Hidan's eyes darkenned.
"To Hell with you! I'll have my revenge!" The door slammed shut and quiet descended.
"Dun dun dunnn..." Natsuki murmured. "Anyways, back to work-"
"Natsuki! Natsuki!"
"Aargh!" She slammed her forehead into the desk. "What now Kisame?"
"I... I cut my finger off."
"WHAT?"
"See, it's right here, I tied it back on to my hand so I wouldn't lose it-"
"Ew."
"Can you sew it back on?"
"Agh! Don't come near me with that! That's disgusting, go away!"
"No, but you have to sew it back on!"
"Keep that damnable thing away from me!"
"Natsuki!"

And so, Natsuki continued to run away from Kisame and his detached finger for the good part of an hour until hidan burst in, claiming it was time to wreak his revenge. That set off even more screaming, resulted in a destroyed office, incomplete work and three bodies brutally beaten to a pulp on the floor.

Natsuki's hand shook as she clawed for her pen. "I must... finish my work... the last word... three across... goes meow... cat."

Anyways, not totally realistic, Natsuki's reaction to Kisame lopping his finger off for example. She would probably laugh.
No Akatsuki were harmed in the making of this FanFiction.

The author was horribly beaten by her own character shortly after writing this.