Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters do not belong to me. But one day, I plan on buying it so I can say it does belong to me. Does anyone want to chip in some cash so we can say it belongs to us?
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Warning, this story is really awkward. There's a lot of reference to bathrooms and it makes your imagination run wild. Please don't think about anything in this story for too long.
And there are some words that are inproper (like that one!) but you can get what I mean.
…
"You would not believe it," Kazu moaned, hitting his head on the table. "She was so evil, I almost thought Rika was out-eviled."
Rika, who heard, looked up from her book and glared at him but since the book was so interesting, she didn't feel like getting up and slamming the book over his numskull head.
"Well, it's over, Kazu," Ryo soothed, smiling hugely inside. Kazu's first "date" was a huge fail. His (being Kazu's, not Ryo's) mom had set up her son for a blind date with one of her friend's daughter. Turns out the daughter was an evil lady who wore a lot of flashy makeup to attract men but had fists of steel to punch them away. It was so demeaning, like placing a bowl of kibbles ten feet away from a dog who was chained up on a three-yard rope. "You won't ever see her again."
"You jinxed it there, Akiyama," Rika warned, without looking up from her book. "Watch."
"Me? How?"
"Just watch."
"I sure hope he didn't," Kazu moaned, still hitting his head on the table. The girl was semi decent looking, with blond hair and okay brown eyes, but all that make up and three inch high heels, and slim dress…it was an over dose on beauty steroids! (Instant make you seem better than you really are!)
"I'm sure he didn't," Suzi assured, licking her ice cream. It was just a normal day where four people hung out together, sitting at a picnic table in the park and just chatting. The sun was out, birds were singing, and it was just a perfect spring day. I mean, what could go wrong?
"Rika, I'm still watching and nothing," Ryo teased, looking left then right.
"Reeeeally?" Rika tipped her head to a side. "Maybe you're watching in the
wrong direction."
Since Ryo, Suzi, and Kazu was sitting on one side of the bench-to get away from Rika-they all turned around.
A figure of a lady in high heels and swishing dress was walking right towards them.
"Oh heck no," Kazu moaned and leaned back so much, his hair grazed the grass.
Being Rika, she stood up. The three to one person imbalance made the table tip over. Suzi screamed and dropped her ice cream, where Rika's rat terrier-black Chihuahua mix ran forward to eat it. Ryo yelped and leaned forward to make the table more balanced. And since Kazu was already leaning back, he hit his head on the ground.
"OW!"
Rika chuckled and stepped away to walk over to the trash can. She knelt down (not bend over) to pick up a piece of litter near the trash can and chucked it in. Hey, she had a reason to stand up aside from torturing Kazu. (And cleaning up while inflicting pain? A two in one! I would like to try that one day but our park's benches are bolted to the ground.) Since Suzi and Ryo managed to right the table, Rika sat down and watched the new girl.
Rika coughed meaningfully and looked at the lady walking.
Kazu jumped up, nearly stepping on Rika's dog. (Ah, yes. Another story where Rika owns a pet. ) "Oh snap. It can't be…this isn't happening…please tell me I'm seeing things," Kazu blubbered.
Joy (the lady, girl, tart, whatever you want to call her) already recognized Kazu by his lame hat and ugly red puffy coat. His three 'friends' looked a lot tougher. The older girl was wearing a shirt with a heart, no wait, a broken heart, on it and jeans. The younger girl was wearing a pink blouse. (Okay, for this sake, they're all wearing normal, American clothes, nothing Japanese or anything.) And the other boy was wearing a black shirt and jeans. (Well, except for Ryo. He's being dark and slightly evil in this story. And you're thinking, 'Wait, isn't that suppose to be Rika's job?' but just continue reading.)
Well, time to make him look like a fool in front of his friends…."YOU!" Joy shrieked, coming forward to whack Kazu on the head with her purse. Something Rika never carried even though it made a heck of a great innocent weapon. It was the choice of a feminine purse or a book. To everyone else, the book made Rika seem a bit nerdy and studious but if they came close, they would find the book was usually on harmful topic. Like the pressure points on a human. Or 100 ways to kill someone with a needle. Or the different models of guns. Or…well, you get the point.
"Whaa!" Kazu fell off again. "Oh please don't hurt me!" He threw his arms over his head.
Joy was about to pull him up and punch him again but the older girl was suddenly there, tense, eyes glaring.
"Um, Kazu, who is this girl?" Suzi hadn't quite caught on yet.
"I'm the girl he made a move on. I'm the girl who's gonna get revenge. I'm the girl who's going to murder him!"
Ryo stared at her, bewildered, then looked at Rika. Wasn't it suppose to be Rika, Rika the Ice Queen, who was suppose to 'murder' Kazu?
Since no one had paid attention to her for the last half second, because they was all pondering about something, the girl punched Kazu again and was about to punch him again.
But someone caught her fist in her hand.
Rika glared at the new girl. "I don't like it when people touch my stuff and that idiot you're touching is my punching bag."
"So you must be Demon," Joy shot back.
Kazu paled. He hadn't told Rika that he passed her off as 'Demon' to Joy. Rika didn't even look at him.
"So you must be Joy," Rika said cooly, but didn't move from her stance. And to intensify the scary affects, "Sorry to cut in on your fun but Kazu's mines."
"Ew, you're going out with that creep?"
"Pff. No one in their right minds will. I meant he's my punching bag, which I already told you so. No one else touches my stuff. You got that?" Rika's eyes narrowed and Ryo could have sworn the dog's eyes did too.
"I have every right to punch him, that womanizer!" She was just exaggerating but hey, anything to win. "If you're gonna stand in my way, I'll sock you too!"
"You want a fight, you've got one!" Rika shot back and the dog barked as if agreeing.
…
(Moment when the world stops. Or when you turn the page to the next chapter but I didn't feel like making this into a chapter book.)
…
"Uh, sorry to break into your conversation ladies," Ryo interrupted. "Rika, a word if you please."
"Sorry. Rika is busy at the moment. Please leave a message after to tone. Or better yet, talk to Ace. Beep."
The dog, Ace, turned his head slightly to show Ryo his bared fangs before looking back at Joy. I'm busy too so don't even bother leaving a message!
"Rika." Ryo grabbed her arm. "You're too old to be getting into fights."
"'Too old for fights' is when you can't make a fist," Rika quoted. (If you're wondering who she quoted, she quoted me. Yes, I still get into fights and that's the perfect excuse!)
"I'm serious Rika."
"What, scared you're gonna lose your girlfriend?" Joy sneered. "Don't worry. You're not gonna lose much."
Rika growled. Or maybe it was Ace. But Ryo knew they were half a second away from a fight so he crushed Rika to his side. Rika began pummeling(I love that word!) his guts, aiming at his soft tummy (who made up this word? I like it too! Maybe it's the double M's…) because punching bone was no good. It hurted her fist but not him. (Trust me. I've bumped my hip bone against so many things and it doesn't even hurt one bit, not even that time I went sliding across the tiles and crashed into the dining table at 10mph. 10mph doesn't sound like much but it is.)
"Kazu…a little help here?" Ryo choked. "Suzi?"
That booger! The coward was already running off and Kazu was just standing there, shouting encouragement to Rika.
"Ha. All bark no bite," Joy scorned. "Right little mutt?"
Rika muttered something Ryo didn't quite catch but the dog did. He dove in a grabbed a mouthful of Ryo's jeans in his mouth, going Rrrr!
"Hey! Ow! Bad dog, Ace!" Ryo jerked back, and tried to get the dog off. "Let go of me!"
Free, Rika shook herself out. "Good bite Ace! Distract him but don't cripple him. I'm not lugging the fatty all the way to the hospital." She turned to Joy. "You gonna walk away now or will I have to make you run with your purse tucked to your stomach?" (Her way of saying tail tucked between legs. Don't think wrong.)
"Bring it on!" Joy punched Rika. "You're a wimp!"
Rika lunged forward and got a good punch to her nose. The crunching noise was audible from yards away.
"WildCat!" Ryo scolded.
"Cat fight!" Kazu corrected, forgetting he was the reason they were fighting.
At first, Joy was having fun. Her mom had told her she was too old for fights and Joy hadn't gotten in a fight for over a decade. (She was twenty one. Rika was eighteen.) But then she began to regret it. After the shock of the broken nose (Her mom had paid for plastic surgery three years ago when Joy had proved she could stop fighting), Joy was happy for the feel of fist on flesh and the soft blows from her younger opponent. But then it got worse. Rika was aiming for her wonderful beautiful face! Joy felt Rika give her a black eye, bruises on her cheeks, then broken teeth. And Joy had just finished braces!
"Kazu, grab Ace," Ryo commanded.
Kazu jumped forward to do so, a bit too eagerly. Ace let go of Ryo's jeans and spun around, teeth bared.
Ryo grabbed Rika around the middle as best he could and locked his arms, trying to pull her off. Dang, that girl had great resistance! Luckily, the 'coward' came back.
"Ryo!" Suzi screamed when Rika punched him in the jaw for attempting to restrain her.
"Ryo!" Takato echoed. Behind him were Henry and Alice and Dobermon. (Yeah, Dobermon was the only digimon you'll find in this story.)
Dobermon dog piled Ace. Takato helped Ryo pull Rika off. Henry and Alice helped Joy up (and restrained her from attacking their 'friend). Suzi flirted around anxiously, gibbering nonsense and Kazu was enjoying the show.
"Kazu," Ryo puffed, straining to keeping Rika. "I'm giving you a ten seconds head start to get your useless life out of here. Alice and Suzi, you two will escort Joy home. Henry, Takato, you two will bring Rika home. Rika, you're grounded."
"You can't ground me!" Rika argued, straining against their hold. "You're not my mom!"
Kazu cackled in the background, imagining Ryo being a model and scolding Rika. Oh wait, that was a creepy image! He shivered.
"And you're too old to picking fights," Ryo pointed out.
"Then you weren't there at the bar last week," Rika muttered smugly, too low for anyone to hear except for Ace and maybe Dobermon. She added, "Not too old to be guarding what's mines." Which reminds her…She turned her head towards Kazu. "I will stalk you down and rip your guts out then feed it to Ace then make him barf in your face and he will be barfing so much, it'll be trickling out of your eyes and you'll be barfing his barf for all of eternity!" (Sorry, was reading mythology -the eternity part- and someone used that threat but instead of barfing, it was pooping. 'I will poop in your eyes and poop so much, it'll be coming out of your nose and ears and then you'll be pooping my poop…yeah. I had a really weird time imagining that and he was using the s—word instead of poop.)
Kazu's amused grin vanished and he paled then took off. But he was slow at running so it was amusing to watch him try to get away as fast as possible.
And since Joy was already 'escorted' away, Ryo looked at Takato. "Okay, you can go back to your bakery. And Henry?"
"Huh?"
"Handcuff Wildcat."
(Henry, was working as a police, okay? It's to fit the story.) Henry took out his best, heavy duty handcuffs.
Ryo held out one of Rika's hand and Henry snapped it on. Then…he held out his own arm? Henry, not noticing, snapped on the handcuff then handing Ryo a key. "Sorry, gotta go back to work."
"No problem, Henry. Thanks."
Once he was out of sight, Ryo looked at Rika, who was trying to run then figured out her hands wasn't handcuffed together. Rather…her left hand was handcuffed to Ryo's right…
Ryo looked at the key, then back at Rika. Hmm, if he stuck it in a pocket, she could easily pickpocket it, unlock the cuffs, and run away before he could yell 'Stop!' If he held it in his fist, Rika could punch him and while he clutched his injury, she'll make her move. So…
(Here comes the dark, evil part! Remember I told you to continue reading after I told you Ryo was wearing a black shirt?) Ryo looked Rika in the eyes intently then stuck the key in his mouth and...
And swallowed.
Rika's jaw dropped. "Tell me you did not just do that."
Ryo shook his head from side to side, gagging. "Ah that went down wrong but yeah. I did." He smiled at his cleverness. "I have it all figured out. If I stuck it in a pocket, you could pickpocket me, unlock yourself and run off before I could yell 'Stop!'. If I held it in my fist, you're gonna try something sneaky, like try to hold my hand or punching my face so when I react, you'll nab it. Now, there's no way you can steal that key." He smiled proudly, thinking he was very clever. "And if you're thinking about kicking me in the shins, you can't run off though without dragging me behind."
Rika glared. "Why you imbecile! I could punch you right now and make you cough up that key. I could shove soap down your throat and make you puke it up. We could get Henry's jigsaw(it's a machine for woodworking) and saw through the chains on the handcuff-"
"No, no and definitely no. Because in all, I will get injured. You will probably punch me way too many times. Use some kind of toxic soap. And you will probably jerk your hand while the blade is between us and slice off a finger or two off my hands." Ryo shook his head at her.
Plan foiled! Rika glared at him.
There was a tense silence between them as they walked to Rika's house. Renamon opened the door for Rika then stared at Rika's arm. "I'm not even going to ask."
"All Hotshot's fault," Rika muttered, stomping into her house and dragging Ryo after her.
He followed so his arm wouldn't be ripped off. "Don't worry, Renamon. This plan to get Rika to cooperate is fool proof! I am a genius."
"Yeah, well, Mr. Genius with an IQ so low, Calumon can trip over it. (I think I used that joke already in another Ryuki story…) Can you tell me how we're gonna get the key back from your digestion system? Because I'm pretty sure the next time we see it, nobody's going to want to touch it."
"…" Ryo had no thought of that. "Well, um, er…"
"So you're telling me that you didn't think of how we're going to get the key back." Rika would have folded her arms across her chest if not for the fact that one of her wrists was attach to Ryo's and if she crossed her arms, his hand would be right over her heart. "That we're going to have to be stuck together for days. How am I suppose to shower? How am I suppose to change clothes? How am I suppose to sleep? And how am I going to drag a dead person that weighs 150+ pounds around everywhere I go?"
"Well, it was a split second plan," Ryo said weakly.
"Of course. This is what I can expect from an idiot." Rika threw her hands up in the air.
"Ow, Rika!" Ryo's hand was tugged up too.
Rika yanked her hand around some more. He deserved it. "And don't even get me started on how we're suppose to retrieve the key. If you're going to…eliminate it the traditional way then I'll have to sit next to you in the bathroom…" Rika shrudded at the image. "Urg."
"Aw, don't worry." Ryo ruffled her hair. "We'll figure out something that doesn't involve me getting hurt or you getting intoxicated by my awesome presence."
Rika punched him in the face. "Yeah. You'll think of something or else you're going to get even more hurt."
They both sat down. Rika propped her chin on her fist and Ryo set his chin on her shoulder. Rika ignored him. He thought of ways to get free while she thought of ways to torture him some more since he couldn't run and hide.
…
Okay, that's it for now because I have writer's block. Review please and tell me what would you do if you were stuck by handcuffs to someone who wants to kill you and how would you get free! If I was Ryo, I would probably get Cyberdramon to use his desolation claw on the chain. After Rika starts behaving and learned some cooperating lessons, of course.
