In the end, as the explosion begin to wash over him, Shepard welcomes it. Ever since Vendetta had announced that the Reapers had the Citadel, he's been filled with a sense of utter despair, of utter failure. He'd started wishing, begging to an uncaring universe that he his worst nightmares weren't coming true. Talking to Dr Michael had given him a sliver of hope.

The charnel house that Citadel had become had put paid to that. Mangled bodies stacked like refuse, the overpowering, almost physical stench of blood, Keeper moving around as if this was all routine. Any will to live he may have had, any wild hope for a miracle, had died.

He prays that Kelly's death was quick because otherwise, the thought of her being taken by husks and put back into one of these pods, her nightmares made literally real... It would have been kinder to let Cerberus kill her.

After Cronos station there isn't even the hope of seeing her in the afterlife, not that he was a great believer, unlike poor Ashley, but with two years dead and no shining light, no chorus of angels, no pearly gates, its clear to him that death is the end and as the explosions consume him, he embraces the dark.

The light stabbing into his eyes is agonising, the sounds, a mash of discordant noise, painful. In the few seconds it lasts before he submerges back into the blackness, he wonders if this hell.

It's darker when he wakes again. He has no idea where he is, though it's obviously not the afterlife. Attempts to move are futile, his limbs leaden and unresponsive. His attempts though are enough, a nurse or a doctor moves into his line of vision.

"Commander Shepard, can you hear me? Blink if you can understand me"

He blinks, though not until after attempting to speak.

He attempts again to speak, his mouth and throat a sudden mass of pain, the obstructions in them burning.

"Commander, please don't try and speak. We've got you intubated, as well lines for feeding and drug delivery. That's why we've got you're arms and legs restrained as well. Commander Shepard, Admiral Hackett would like to see you if you feel up to it. Commander?"

He closes his eyes and retreats to sleep.

He wakes, trying to scream, trying to move his arms, the horrific vision of Kelly melting, like the colonist from Horizon, whilst pleading for him to come. Nurses and doctors, rush in, one with a syringe which is quickly inserted into an intravenous line. He fights this time against the darkness the is overwhelming him, not wanting to go back but he loses and is thrust back into the abyss.

He's been drugged a couple of times, so the unpleasant sensation of waking through the haze isn't uncommon, nor the slow climb from unconsciousness to conciousness. As he does so he notices the person sitting by the bed. It takes a little while for the him to recognise Admiral Hackett.

"Nurse, Inform the doctor. Commander Shepard's awake." A nurse, that he hadn't noticed, turns and moves away, Hackett turning back to Shepard.

"I can't believe it, Shepard. What you've done is simply incredible, a miracle, a genuine miracle. Communications are as sketchy as hell, but from what we get through the Quantum communicators, the Reapers are dead across the entire galaxy. I guess I just want you to know. What you've done, everything, it was worth it."

Shepard turns is head away from Hackett, anger coursing through him. The price had been too high, Kaidan, Mordin, Legion, Thane and Kelly.

Hackett's going on, something about the fleets in orbit but he's interrupted when the nurse returns with a doctor.

"Commander Shepard? I'm Doctor Pereira. I think it's time that we got those tubes out of you"

Shepard nods, grateful to get rid of the stupid things. It takes some work and huts like hell, but the various tubes that where stuck down his throat are removed.

A nurse hands him a glass of cool water, which he sips, swishing the water around his mouth before swallowing.

"Is there anything you want, Shepard?" asks Hackett.

"Were there... any... survivors... from the Citadel?" his voice almost give out, and is barley above a whisper but he asks.

Hackett nods

"Some, here's a casualty list"

Shepard takes the pad Hackett passes to him and starts scrolling through it.

And there it is officially : Chambers, Kelly. Missing, presumed Dead.