"Thane…please."
"I must."
"No, you want to. There are many labor jobs at the Citadel, perhaps you could—"
"What, Irikah? Should I be an assistant in a Hanar shop? Selling armor and upgrades to the general public…a shell of who I was?"
This had been an occurring argument for years and it showed no signs of being resolved. Thane paced back and forth in their bedroom, scratching softly at his one of his skull ridges with frustration. He was honored to have his wife and thanked the gods for their son but how else was he supposed to provide for them when his skills only involved death?
Irikah watched her husband with sad eyes the color of leaves in the fall and warm sunsets. She tried her best to show him the life outside of his "work", that there was more to existence than the next hit. It was an argument she lost more than she wanted. Sharp laughter drew her attention to the window and she spotted Kolyat outside as he played in the small yard. He always seemed to enjoy the garden and he jumped around in the small pond with bare feet. Above him, the large climate-controlled dome that covered their living community kept the pouring rain from ruining his play time.
She thought of the Drell home world and its long dead landscapes that the Hanar had saved her people from centuries ago. The Hanar had been compassionate and generous with their planet and resources but it was the Compact—an agreement created from appreciation between Drell and Hanar that often meant servitude—that had created men like Thane. An assassin trained since the age of six, he was now a twenty-nine year old man that knew nothing but death. Irikah turned her gaze from Kolyat and looked at Thane who had followed her line of sight and was watching Kolyat with a mixed expression of joy and sadness.
"I know it's difficult for you, my love," Irikah whispered. "But you're gone far too long. Think of Kolyat…"
"I do this for Kolyat," Thane snapped. "The galaxy is a dark place and one day Kolyat will leave Kahje to explore the stars."
Irikah scoffed and her brow ridges lowered with anger. "You can't make the entire universe safe for one person, Thane! You hide behind your excuses and I can't take it! Do you love us or not?"
Thane's eyelids blinked rapidly as he processed her accusations. "You cannot seriously ask me that….you woke me up. My sunset rose…my siha…"
Thane went over to Irikah to caress her cheek affectionately and found it wet with tears. His heart crumbled and he went on his knees in front of her, much like that days years ago when he begged her forgiveness. It brought back memories for both of them and Irikah chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around Thane.
"I love you, Thane…never doubt that," she whispered. "But how long will I have to lie to my friends and our family about where you are? How long will you leave us alone? How long?"
Thane buried his face in the soft fabric of Irikah's dress and sighed. "I must provide for you and Kolyat. I can do nothing else."
"You can try."
"I don't think I can."
Irikah stroked his face lovingly. "I helped you see the joy of life that laid beyond the scope of a sniper rifle…let me help you again."
Thane reluctantly pulled away from Irikah's embrace and stood. "You have given me more than I deserve, siha. I want you and Kolyat to desire for nothing and your current salary simply can't handle all the expenses."
"Then we can move to less expensive quarters," Irikah offered.
Thane shook his head. "No. Kolyat is secure in this area; he enjoys the school….has friends. I will not uproot him."
"You think material things is what your family needs, Thane? We need YOU."
Thane was losing his patience and he frowned. "Irikah, I told you that I—"
"Father! Father!"
Kolyat burst into the room and ran for Thane, who was still a bit shaken by the sudden noise. Assassins and loud noises were never a good mix. The small boy of only nine leapt at Thane and his father easily caught him. Kolyat's high pitched giggles filled the room as Thane spun him in circles, an easy feat since Drell were much stronger than they looked. Irikah smiled as she watched father and son but it was bittersweet since she knew Thane would be leaving soon. Her friends often told her how lucky she was to have a husband that provided the best for them but it was built with the countless blood of others.
"And then I ran even faster, Father!" Kolyat exclaimed. He was telling Thane a very animated tale about a race at his school and he drew upon his perfect memory (with a few embellishes) to brag to his father just how amazing he was.
Thane's assassin heart melted and he listened to his son with rapt attention, soaking in Kolyat's memory as it became his own. He was studying the child from how he moved to the way he spoke, noting every detail of his son so he had the perfect picture in his head. It would be a welcome memory to revisit when he was away from home and his only comforts were sneaking on dirty transport ships and the cold emptiness of the kill.
"So I tripped a little but I still managed to get second place!" Kolyat finished.
Thane smiled. "You are truly a born athlete. I'm proud of you, son."
Kolyat beamed and finally acknowledged Irikah. "Hi mom!" he chirped and gave her a much bigger hug.
"Hello, my dear," he cooed and nuzzled at his cheek until the boy laughed. "Go wash up, I can see the dirt under your scales! Dinner will be ready soon."
Kolyat nodded. "Okay mom." He was near the door when he suddenly stopped and turned around to look at Thane. "Are you….staying?"
Thane didn't expect the pain to be so great from hearing such distrust in his son's voice. "I will be sharing dinner with you." He was still leaving but at least he could enjoy tonight.
Kolyat misunderstood Thane's half-truth and jumped up and down. "Yes, yes, yes!" He bolted out of the room.
Irikah went over to Thane and hit him on the shoulder. "How dare you!" she hissed.
Thane blinked as he was thrown back into the memory where she said the same thing to him years ago. "What have I done?" he asked.
"I know your ways of speaking," he sneered. "You promise him dinner but you let him believe more. You are cruel, Thane."
Cruel? Thane's heart nearly broke in two. "I didn't want to hurt him…"
"You will hurt him even more when he finds out you are gone. He will now believe that you lied to him."
Thane reached for her but she pulled away. "Dinner will be ready in an hour," she said stiffly and walked out of the room.
Thane went into his study and checked his console for any information for his next target, Vernus Tarnik. He was a kingpin of sorts that was involved in the slaver ring he had put down a few months ago. His employer wanted no loose ends and even though the leader was dead, Tarnik seemed like a likely candidate to rise up in the ranks and start the slaver's business anew.
Part of Thane was a coward, he knew this. He used his work to escape Irikah's anger, Kolyat's disappointment and a life that he was never truly able to adjust to. Killing…now that was something he knew. He sent an encrypted message to his contact and informed them he was ready and waiting for instructions.
"Hi Father!"
Thane quickly closed the console and smiled at his son. Odd, how he could be so full of life and such joy when there was so much darkness waiting beyond the city. Thane grinned as Kolyat played with the console and old music that was recovered from the Rakhana archives filled the room. Suddenly, Thane had papers thrust into his line of vision that consisted of drawings of the Encompassing, the large ocean of Kahje, and graded school work with high marks.
"Look what I did at school yesterday!" he demanded.
It was always like this when he was home for more than a day. Kolyat rushed at him with stories, school work, drawings and more as he tried to be seen by his father. It was as if Kolyat was constantly trying to prove his worth, to get his father to stay just one more day...one more week. He didn't realized how overwhelmed Thane felt underneath his façade of warm smiles and endless compliments. Of course, Thane truly was proud of his son and celebrated his achievements but there were parts of him that had no idea what went on in Kolyat's mind. Thane never had a childhood and in its place was nonstop training on the countless ways to eliminate his target. His greatest achievement at Kolyat's age was being able to take apart a sniper rifle and put it back together blindfolded. Recess, classmates and scribbled art work were completely foreign to him and the wondrous world Kolyat inhabited would never make sense to Thane. It only mattered because it was important to Kolyat, nothing else.
The papers disappeared and then a small hand was pulling him away from the console station and moving him about the room.
"Dance crazy, Father," Kolyat laughed, "come on!"
Dance crazy. It was something that Kolyat only asked of his father, a special act that he held on to since he was four. Thane lifted his arms above his head and shook them wildly while he twisted his body back and forth. Kolyat's giggles fueled his dancing until he swore he caught a glimpse of the light in a child's world. He grabbed Kolyat and lifted him high into the air and swung him to and fro to the beat of the music.
"Spin me!" Kolyat shrieked with joy.
Thane happily did so and laughed as the world became even brighter. Kolyat was the source of it and it engulfed him, quickened his heart and made him feel even more alive than ever before. Perhaps he could try as Irikah said. For the family…for Kolyat….
The console suddenly beeped and Thane froze. His contact! He set Kolyat down so abruptly the boy stumbled and he looked up at his father with confused eyes. "Father?"
"This is important business, Kolyat. I must listen to this."
"Father…" Kolyat whined.
Thane turned his back to the boy and began reading the information his contact sent to him. Tarnik was on Omega? Strange that he would be so bold to not cover his tracks when his associates were driven from the outer Hanar colonies just months before. Perhaps he was there to find new business partners or recruits. Interesting….
He was so engrossed in the details of his next job that he barely registered the tugging at his sleeve.
"Father?"
Thane blinked several times and looked down at his son who seemed on the verge of tears. He had no words to ease Kolyat's pain or any way to tell the boy that he simply had to work. So he handled the situation like he always did. He ran.
"I have to read this," he said softly, "go help your mother with dinner." He turned his back to Kolyat, too much of a coward to face the look of pain on his son's face. Thane closed his eyes and stood still, hoping that his cold dismissal would eventually cause Kolyat to leave. When he heard the retreating shuffle of feet and a slammed door, he knew he was finally alone.
"I'm sorry, Kolyat," he whispered, finally gathering the courage after the boy was gone. Too late. Always too late.
