Dislaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Warehouse 13

It doesn't matter where or how she came across this letter, it only matters what it says:

Myka,

I have faced many tests throughout my life. I faced my daughter's death. I faced being responsible for the death of a fellow agent. I have even faced a century encased in bronze. Whether or not I passed these tests is up for debate. The one test I know in my heart I did not and could not pass was you.

I survived all of the things that have made me who I am. The pain and heartache I suffered at the hand of Fate has left me broken and desolate. I had a plan to make everything go away. I was so close to following through with that plan that I could almost taste it. And I very well would have followed through with it if it hadn't been for you, Myka.

I know I meant something to you. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, and feel it in the way you touched me. I hope it isn't too late to tell you that you meant something to me too. I just wish I could have told you in person, rather than in this letter. You probably hate me, which I don't blame you for. How could I? I ended something we could have had before it even started. I owe you an apology, for not having the courage to give "us" a chance. I was afraid that if I fell in love with you I wouldn't have been able to carry through with my plan. Little did I know that with just one look you would capture my heart.

Myka I am so very sorry for using you and for making you believe that I wanted to destroy you, that you weren't good enough. Darling, you are too good. My heart couldn't handle the purity and beauty that you exude with every fiber of your being. I couldn't destroy a world that you were a part of. I refused to be responsible for the death of the woman I love.

Yes, Myka Bering, I love you. I know that telling you this now won't change a damned thing but I need you to know. I can only hope that in time you will forgive me for the woman I was and love me for the woman I am. If I am anything at all, that is. I feel so alone without you. I miss you. I miss everything about you. The way your hair smells after a warm bath. The way you fall asleep with a good book in your lap. The way my name crosses your lips. I miss you so terribly.

I can't be where you are and that's what hurts the most. I would give anything just to be able to touch you, hold you. This prison is lonely and my thoughts are of you and only you. You are the one part of me that I won't let go of. Myka, you are the test I won't let myself pass. I don't ever want to be "over" you. I love you, my darling. Always.

Forever yours,

Helena

The tears rolled down her face as she crumpled the letter into her fist, throwing it into the trash bin. Words were simply that: words. They meant nothing to her. The only thing that would convince her were actions.