DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No
infringement intended.
FEEDBACK: Love it, but no flames please I'm fragile!
SUMMARY: A phone call brings Grissom and Sara back together
SPOILERS: 8x07 Goodbye and Good luck
AUTHORS' NOTES: I haven't seen the episode yet but I have seen the clips, and yes, I couldn't help it, I was crying into my keyboard. I wanted to write something to ease a little of the pain not just for myself but for everyone who wants to read this. I hope it helps.
This is dedicated to the wonderful Klee Wyck who I'm sure we all agree is a phenomenal author.
Many thanks to Mingsmommy for the beta, and also to Mossley for being a good friend as well as a great source of encouragement. We both agreed that we would expect Grissom to be a little more hesitant than he is in this story, but I think we've had enough angst for one day! Thanks also to jtbwriter for reading through this and for your constant support.
All Roads Lead To You
Sunlight streamed through the open blinds, bathing the two occupants in the bed. Turning on his side to face her, Grissom watched Sara as she slept. There had been so many changes in her since she'd left Vegas a month ago. Her eyes had once again regained some of their vibrancy and her beautiful smile had almost returned. And his love for her had only deepened with their separation.
Reaching out a finger he traced her slightly tanned shoulders and marvelled once again at the softness of her skin. So many times he'd woken from a restless sleep and automatically reached across the bed for her. The ache in his heart steadily grew worse and he missed her more than any words could describe. He was lost without her and no amount of soothing words from his team could ease the grief surrounding him. After the shock of her departure had dissipated he began to unravel all the evidence that caused her to flee from the very people who loved her the most.
These last four weeks without her had been an absolute nightmare, one that he had been living in for the entire time that he was away from her. He'd once thought that when Natalie Davis abducted her and left her to die had been his worst fears come to life, but it was nothing compared to the absolute pain of losing her.
In Vegas he'd hated being separated from her when she had made the move to swing shift and even though their lives had converged into one over the last two years, he'd still counted his blessings every single day. She had made the sacrifices for them to be together and taken it upon herself to leave her work friends and him behind. When they had very first become involved she had made sure he'd known that it was never her intention to make him lose everything he'd worked for, and those were the reasons she voiced when he'd tried to make her change her mind about moving shifts. Her nobleness only endeared her to him more and he couldn't have ever imagined his life without her.
When he'd read the letter she'd left for him, his heart had almost stopped beating. He'd struggled to breathe through the pain in his chest when he'd read her beautiful words of love and torment. He had witnessed first hand that she was struggling but he hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. He supposed he'd hoped that she would just simply get over it, that his love could heal all of her pain that was only visible to him. And he did love her, so very, very deeply.
Almost four weeks after she had left he'd been hit with a sudden awareness that filled his heart with a strange new hope. He'd been sitting in his office trying to ignore all of the sympathetic glances that were cast his way, until his cell phone lit up on the desk beside him. He remembered looking down at the screen and willing whoever wanted his attention to simply just go away, but they didn't. Picking up the phone he'd flipped it open and growled his name.
"Gil?"
Now on full alert he sat up straighter. "Sara?"
"Oh god…baby I am so sorry…I didn't know what to do…I—""Sara…" he breathed her name in a soft whisper and clutched the phone tighter to his ear. "Honey, it's going to be okay."
"I'm sorry…""No honey, don't be sorry…Just…are you okay?"
"Yeah," her voice caught in her throat, "I just miss you."
"Me too," he whispered sadly. "Where are you?"
"I'm in San Francisco…with my brother…he's helping me to forget…god, Gil?"His heart sank when he heard the slight tremble in her voice and now more than ever he just wanted to reach out and hold her.
"I'm here."
"I'm not ready to talk about it…not yet…" her voice caught on a sob and he found his own eyes suddenly swimming with emotion.
"I'm here, honey…it's going to be okay."
"I've never needed anyone," her voice shook as she spoke, "I've always been on my own—""Sara, honey…you're not on your own anymore." Grissom swallowed the lump in his throat and fought to keep his voice in control. "Sweetheart, I'm going to be here for you whenever you need me, okay…every single time, always…okay?"
"I hurt you…""I love you," he whispered softly, relieved that he'd finally been able to tell her those words without faltering. "Even though we're not in the same state right at this moment, I still love you."
"I…do too…love you…""Are you okay?" Closing his eyes, Grissom could almost see her standing right there beside him as he clutched the phone tighter in his hand. "Do you need anything?"
"I need you…"
"You have me, Sara…you're my one and only too." He heard her gasp and for a moment he thought she'd gone but before he could say anything, he heard her soft voice as she fought to keep in control.
"I went to my dad's grave yesterday."
"Yeah?"
"I yelled at his gravestone for half an hour," she chuckled, even though he could tell there was no humour in her voice. "I told him everything that I'd wanted to when I was a kid. I told him that he'd been wrong about me."
"Wrong about you, how honey?"
"When I was 9 he told me I was a worthless bitch who would never amount to anything…so I told him that he'd been wrong. I wasn't worthless."
Grissom closed his eyes when he thought about what she must have endured as a child. If only he'd known that she'd been harbouring feelings of her own self worth…if only he could have taken away her pain.
"No honey, you'll never be worthless…you're worth everything to me."
She was silent for a few moments before she spoke again. "I don't think I've ever been anyone's everything," she whispered.
"Well, you're mine, Sara, everything and so much more."
"You're mine too…Gil?""Yeah?"
"I…really do love you."
"I know you do," he told her softly before adding, "I want to see you."
"I can't…not Vegas, not yet…""Then I'll come to you…anywhere you want," shaking his head quickly to Catherine who had just started to walk into his office, he held the phone closer to his ear. "Sara?"
"To San Francisco?""Anywhere honey."
Catherine held her breath as she held a hand to her mouth, tears flooding her eyes. Coming further into the room she stood beside the door knowing she should leave him to his privacy, but she just couldn't move.
"Tonight?""If you want me to leave Vegas now I would." Standing up he couldn't hide the smile that suddenly lit his face. "I mean it honey, I'll go straight into Ecklie's office right now and tell him I'm leaving—"
"But Hank—""Hank will be fine at the sitters for a few days, at least until we decide how we're going to work around this," he told her quickly. "We'll work something out."
"Gil… what if I can't come back?""Sara, don't worry about that now, we'll talk more about it when I get there." Her voice was strangely quiet and for a moment he thought she was going to tell him not to come, "Okay?" he asked softly.
"Okay," she told him quietly. "I love you, you know that right?""I know honey," he told her, still quite unprepared for the flutter in his heart whenever she spoke those words. "I love you, too."
Three days ago his life had been at a standstill, but as soon as he'd seen her standing there waiting for him in the airport, he suddenly didn't care about who saw them, or about his dislike for public displays. Dropping his bag at his feet he'd thrown his arms around her and held her until they both stopped shaking, neither one wanting to be the first to let the other go.
Smiling, he dipped his head to place a soft kiss into her hair before moving away slightly so he could watch her sleeping. A few years ago, being so connected to another human being would have scared him, but instead of instigating fear like he had once suspected, this beautiful woman beside him had breathed new life into him.
Leaning closer towards her again he watched her eyes slowly flutter open as he placed a soft kiss on her nose, then moved away just enough to look into her eyes.
"Hey," he whispered with a smile.
"Mmm," she smiled lazily as she snuggled in closer to his body. "What time is it?"
"A little after nine," he whispered against her lips. "Too early to get out of bed."
"Then why are you awake?" she asked him softly while she peppered tiny kisses over his stubbled chin.
"I missed you."
Grissom's heart raced inside his chest when she offered him a sleepy smile then slowly kissed her way up his chin until she was level with his lips.
"I haven't been anywhere," she whispered softly, "unless I've been somewhere and you didn't tell me."
Lifting a finger to trace the outline of his lips, she watched as his eyes drifted closed with her touch. Less than 24 hours ago they had exchanged wedding rings and spoken soft endearments to each other before being pronounced that they were now legally husband and wife.
Grissom sighed contentedly when he opened his eyes to look directly into hers. So much had happened in the last few weeks. He'd managed to fall even more deeply in love with her than he'd ever realized was possible. Now he was no longer a 50 year old bachelor who had only just began to live, he was a married man, living in wedded bliss with the only woman he had ever loved this deeply.
Sliding his fingertips over her arm, Grissom lifted her hand to gaze down at the band of gold that adorned her slender finger.
"We're married."
"Yes, we are," she grinned.
"You're my wife," he told her with a proud smile.
"Yes, I am."
Lifting herself up onto an elbow, Sara smiled down at him as she placed a soft kiss onto his forehead before pulling away slightly so that she could gaze down into his eyes.
"Now the big question is…how do we tell the guys that we did this without them?" Grissom asked in a whisper as he lifted his fingers to push an errant strand of hair away from her eyes. "You do know that Catherine especially—"
"I know, Gil," Sara sighed when she leaned her cheek into the palm of his hand. "But we didn't want a big fuss, and we both know that if Catherine knew in advance then there would have been flowers and bridesmaids…" her voice trailed away when she leaned down to capture his lips in a soft kiss before pulling back to smile down into his eyes.
Grissom caught her mood and reached up to kiss her lips once more, pulling her down onto the bed with him when he cupped her face in both of his hands. "…Receptions…churches…the list goes on…"
"I didn't want fancy," she told him softly, "I only wanted you…I still only want you…"
"Sweetheart, you will always have me." His whispered words were meant to ease her growing fears but instead he'd only succeeded in escalating them. He watched her previously bright, happy eyes suddenly cloud over with pain and he knew in that instant that whatever had been bothering her lately was starting to brim over again, tearing away at her confidence.
Sara's eyes filled with tears as she lifted herself up until his hands dropped from her face. Sitting up in the bed she pulled her knees up to her chin and tilted her head sideways and smiled sadly. "Even though I left you the way I did?"
Grissom's heart ached with sadness, not just for her but for all the time they had wasted. "You did what you had to do honey, how could I not understand?"
Sara wiped the beginning of a tear away from her eyes and swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. "I didn't want to leave you," she whispered as her voice caught in her throat.
"Honey, I knew what you were going through more than you realize…remember how much I needed a break from work last year?"
Sara nodded and reached out for his hand, entwining her fingers around his. "I thought you were tired of me—"
"I could never tire of you…Sara…you are everything to me…" he moved to sit up beside her, keeping his hand linked with hers. "We're not just seeing each other outside of work, and we're not just fooling around…it was never that way for me—"
"Me, neither" she whispered. "It's always been you…"
"Honey…we're married now. I'm not just your partner, I'm your husband, and the problems that you're dealing with are my problems too. We'll get through this together, Sara…you don't have to do things alone anymore."
Sara closed her eyes against the burning wetness now increasingly growing behind them. He had been her rock over the last two years and it scared her sometimes to realize just how much she depended on him lately. Opening her eyes again enabled silent tears to slip down her cheeks and she fought to keep her voice from breaking.
"I…I feel like…" her voice caught on a sob when he shuffled closer to wrap an arm around her shoulders. "…I…didn't… want you…to…see me like…this…"
"Sweetheart, I love you," he told her softly, his voice fanning her hair. "You never have to hide anything from me."
"I've…let you…down," she turned and buried her head beneath his chin as her body shook with tiny desperate sobs.
"No," he told her gently when he swallowed his own sadness to pull her closer. "No, Sara…you could never let me down honey, never."
"I just didn't know what I was doing…I just had to go…I…"
"And now I'm here with you," he told her gently as he wound his arms more tightly around her. "We're going to get through this together."
"I can't go back," she whispered as she lifted one of her hands to swipe at her tears. "Not yet."
"Then maybe it's time we made a home here in San Francisco...or somewhere else maybe."
Sara pulled back slightly to look up into his face and felt her eyes suddenly flood with tears again. "But you love Vegas."
"I love you."
"But, your work…you love your work…"
"I love you more," he told her with a huge grin. "Maybe while I'm here I'll have a look at what's available work wise."
"Really?" she asked, her voice still rough from crying as she moved his arms from around her so that she could pull herself up to gaze down at him. "You'd do that?"
"Yeamphh…" he managed before she covered his mouth with her own as she stole the words from his lips in a kiss that sent tremors throughout his entire body. When she finally pulled away he regarded her with so much devotion that it took all of her willpower to not kiss him again.
"Well, Doctor Grissom," she whispered softly against his lips. "I think maybe we'll have to have this discussion another time…"
"Mmm," he hummed as his hands slid up and over her arms as he slowly pulled her back down over his body. "I think you could be right."
"I know I'm right," she told him with a smile. "I'm your wife."
END
I hope this has managed to ease a little of the heartache.
