I'm both excited and a little nervous to be leaving the hospital. There's something very comforting about knowing that there are experts only a call button away. But I'm more than ready to be back in our home where we can sleep together in our own bed. I know Josh's back has to be killing him from sleeping in the reclining chair.

Josh definitely seems ready to go home. He's been bouncing around the room. Meanwhile, I'm trying to wrestle the baby into this frilly dress and tights that my Mother brought. Who puts tights on a baby?! And shoes. Does she really need shoes?

When I'm finally done, I feel about ready to pass out. I just want to sit down. Josh leans over my shoulder.

"She's freaking adorable! Can we dress her like this every day?"

"No. God. It just took me 15 minutes to get that get-up on her."

Josh grabs the camera and starts snapping pictures. A few seconds later, we hear the unmistakable sound we've both come to dread.

"Ugh. I got the last one. It's your turn." I inform Josh.

"You know it makes me queasy!" It's true. He gagged the entire time he changed the first diaper. But I don't care. Those things are nasty. And it's his turn.

Despite the gagging, he actually does fairly well with the diaper changing. But the tights are giving him fits. Finally, he just asks "Can't we just put her in a sleeper to take her home? We already got pictures of the outfit."

"Works for me." I pull a soft little one piece outfit out of the diaper bag and hand it to him. He quickly puts it on the baby, cooing to her the whole time. I'm a little amazed at how quickly he's taken to fatherhood. Not that he won't try to stick me with diaper duty whenever possible, but he's really good with Lulu. He's not intimidated or nervous. He doesn't seem scared to hold her or anything. He's a natural.

Well, he's a natural but he's also going to be the most over-protective father on the planet. We are riding in an armored SUV and he's still worried.

"Steve look out for that car. . . the light is turning yellow. . . . Are you speeding?"

"Josh! Leave Steve alone. His driving is fine." I glance down at Lulu. Her eyes are actually open and she's looking at Josh. She definitely recognizes his voice.

"Hey, Lulu." He coos softly. "Don't worry, I'll keep you safe."

His words melt me. With Josh around, I'm ready for anything.

. . . . .

"Backpack, Bulldog, and Bean secure." I hear Phil announce into his wrist as we walk through the door. I can't help but grin at Josh. Our baby has a secret service code name!

Josh carries Lulu's car seat straight into her room. I hang up my coat and follow behind him. When I walk into the room, he's standing facing the door grinning.

The nursery is finished.

"Oh my god, Josh! It's adorable. How did you do this?"

"We have very good friends."

I spin around slowly, taking it all in. It's exactly what I had hoped for.

Lulu's name is on the wall over her crib. The "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" prints are hung over the changing table. The over-stuffed glider that Mom bought us is in the corner, and there is a fluffy rug on the floor. The cube shelf unit under the window has her books and a few toys.

I grab Josh in a tight hug. "Thank you. I'm so relieved that it's already done. Who else do I need to thank?"

"Margaret, Sam & Ainsley and Zoey & Charlie."

I open the closet and find a few outfits hanging. The bath tub is in there too. I find more outfits in the drawers. The changing table is stocked with diapers and wipes. The yellow knit blanket from Karen is hanging over the end of the crib and the pink one from my Mom is on the back of the rocker.

Josh frowns at the yellow blanket. "We aren't supposed to put blankets in the crib. Didn't we get any of those sleep sack thingies?"

"Yes, we got some. That blanket is just for show. Or to cover the car seat. Or to snuggle with her. She'll be able to use it when she's older."

"Okay"

"Did we get any of those outlet covers? I should baby proof the house."

"Josh! How's she going to stick something in an outlet? We've got time before we need to baby-proof!"

We don't have very long to ourselves before the Grandparents descend upon us. It's good that they are all staying at the same hotel. The grandmothers can coordinate their arrival and make sure that neither of them get more time with the baby than the other.

Well, at least having them here means that I can try to get something done.. I grab my laptop and head toward the dining room table.

"Donna, what are you doing over there?"

"I'm doing homework, Mom."

"Don't you want to come over here and watch the baby?"

"Has she learned something new in the last 15 minutes?"

"No but she opened her eyes and scrunched up her nose when Josh tickeled her."

"I really need to finish this homework while you're all here to entertain her."

Or while she's entertaining all of you and keeping you out of my hair, I think to myself.

A few hours and a couple nursing sessions later, I'm in the kitchen getting a glass of water, when Josh comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He leans down and whispers in my ear.

"Your Mom is hogging the baby."

I turn and look at him incredulously. That's what he whispers in my ear? Well, so much for romance. Guess it's time for some tough love.

"Josh. Suck it up. They're only going to be here a few more days."

"Yes, thank goodness. But it's my turn to hold Lulu now."

"You'll have her to yourself soon. Why don't you and my Dad go pick up some dinner for all of us, hmmm?"

On Friday morning, Josh surprises me with a birthday breakfast, including a muffin with a candle in it. I'd almost forgot. I think my parents actually did forget. Their flight leaves in a few hours, I bet they forgot when they booked it.

Josh presents me with two small wrapped boxes. "One from me and one from Lulu." He announces, grinning.

My parents look duly impressed with the blue topaz earrings and bracelet. They look less pleased when Sylvia gives me a beautiful cashmere sweater.

"We didn't . . . Sorry Honey. We were focused on the baby."

"It's okay, Mom." They usually just send a gift card anyway.

After breakfast, I find Josh in the bedroom.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?"

"I'm hiding from your Mother."

"Is this a game? Like Hide and seek?"

"No . . .?"

"Because you are acting like a child. Get out there and face the music."

"But, Donnnaaaa!"

"You're the one that insisted that they go back to the hotel last night, and then gave Lulu her first bath. You face the angry grandparents. Besides, they wouldn't have even known if you hadn't said anything."

Other than the bath fiasco, having the grandparents around has been pretty nice. They've been taking care of the diapers, and the cooking, and the cleaning. Good thing, too, because it feels like all I have time to do is nurse.

. . . .

Josh brings the wailing baby to me with an apologetic look. It's 3am and it's barely been an hour since she ate. She latches on, sucks agressively for a few minutes, and then falls back asleep.

"Come on, Lulu! You've got to eat more. I can't do this again in an hour." I whine, tickling her feet to try to wake her up, but she's back out. She'll wake up again in an hour, hungry. Wordlessly I hand her back to Josh to put her back to bed. I cover my mouth to try to keep the sobs in, so he doesn't hear from the other room.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've never been so tired or so achy in my life. Everyone keeps telling me breastmilk is best for Lulu but I don't feel like I'm going to survive.

I hear Josh shuffling back down the hall so I wipe the tears away and quickly roll on my side and try to act like I fell back to sleep.

He sighs and strokes the top of my head. I heard him whisper "I love you" before he rolls over to his side of the bed.

. . . .

The grandparents have all gone, Josh went in to the office so it's just me and Lulu. She likes to be held. When I'm holding her and she's not screaming, it's pretty wonderful. But I feel like I should just not even bother putting a shirt on because she wants to be attached to my breast 90% of the time. At least since Josh isn't here, I can just cry through the nursing.

Eight days down, 172 to go. I started out thinking I'd nurse for a year. But now even 6 months seems impossible. If I'm honest with myself, I have no idea how I'm going to survive the next week.

Josh said he'd try to be home by 1. But I know that he's feeling behind. And he's not getting much sleep either. And starting tomorrow, I'm going to have to get used to him being gone all day.

I try to get Lulu to burp and then latch on to the other side, but she's not interested. Part of me doesn't mind. My nipple is cracked. If she sucks on it, it's going to bleed again. I should put something on it. I should drink some water. I should put the baby in her crib. I should make something for dinner. I should do some homework. I should stop crying.

By the end of the day on Monday, I feel like I'm going to die. My breasts are as hard as rocks. Lulu is screaming, but I've used up all my tears. I feel empty inside as I nurse her. When Josh gets home he finds us on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, whimpering.

"How are my girls. . ." His cheerful greeting dies on his lips when he sees us. He scoops Lulu up and places a kiss on her forehead, then leans down and does the same to me.

"Holy Hell, Donna! You're burning up!" He takes Lulu into the bathroom with him and comes pack a few minutes later with the ear thermometer.

"102.7." He announces grimly. That's bad. But I'm sort of beyond caring. What does it matter how I feel? The baby is going to be hungry in an hour.

He looks me over silently. Probably taking in the greasy hair, and the glassy eyes and the cracked nipples that I just can't bear to stuff back into my bra. Then he takes the baby and walks out of the room. That's probably for the best.

A few minutes later I hear him on the phone.

"She's got a fever. 102.7. . . . Well, honestly, it doesn't seem to be going well. Lulu needs to eat like every hour, so Donna's not getting any real sleep. . . . I don't know let me ask her."

He pokes his head back in. "Dr. Bartlet wants to know if your breasts are hard and are there red splotches on them?"

"Yeah." I answer without looking at either him or my boobs. He goes back to his call.

"Yes. . . . Yes, they've been bleeding. . . . Okay, thanks Dr. B. I'll tell her."

I hear the water running and him rummaging in the kitchen cupboard. Then he comes back with a glass of ice water with a straw.

"Here's some Tylenol. It'll help with the pain." He hands me the pills then holds the glass so I can take a sip. Then he sets the glass down on the nightstand. "Drink all the water too."

"Where's Lulu?"

"She's in her crib. She's fine. . . . Dr. Bartlet thinks you probably have Mastitis. It's an infection in your milk ducts. She said you should call Dr. Andrews answering service. She'll want to see you first thing tomorrow. She might even prescribe an antibiotic over the phone."

"Is Lulu going to be okay?"

"Yes, but they aren't going to want her to drink your breastmilk while you're on the antibiotic . Didn't the hospital give us a bag with formula in it?"

"Yeah, it's in the closet in her room."

"We're going to have to give her that if you start taking antibiotics. Dr. Bartlet said that Dr. Andrews would give you some options if you want to try to keep nursing, but she also said to tell you that Lulu will be fine if you don't. Her girls were formula fed and turned out all right."

A few days later, Lulu makes her first visit to the White House. Josh indulges Miranda by taking Lulu to see her room.

"How are you really doing?" Helen asks as I sit down gingerly.

"Much better than last week." I answer honestly.

I still don't feel great but the antibiotic has helped. I still feel a little guilty about not nursing, but Josh is loving being able to bottle feed Lulu so at least there's that. It also means that I'm getting a lot more sleep because we can take turns getting up in the night.

"Thanks for watching her. I know Josh is really excited to go out and celebrate our anniversary."

"Where are you going?"

"Phoebe's. We're having drinks, we're having dinner, we are going dancing, we are having dessert."

"Well, you look fabulous."

"It's the Spanx. Thank God I had a stretchy dress in my closet. I didn't know you still looked pregnant after you have a baby."

"Oh, Donna, there are so many things you never know, until you know. You know?"

That causes me to laugh, which then causes me to grimace a little.

"Just please tell me that, eventually, I'll feel like this is my body again."

"You will. Just whatever you do, don't have sex tonight."

I blush a little. I mean I have thought about it. It's been more than 2 weeks. That's like forever to Josh and me.

"I'm serious, Donna. There's a reason your OB told you to wait 6-8 weeks. Your body isn't ready."

The guys head into the living room with Lulu. "Say Goodbye to Mommy." Josh tells her as he places her in my arms. I give her a kiss on the forehead. I'm not sure about leaving her. And honestly, I'm surprised Josh is okay with it. But at least she's in a secure location.

"Hey," Josh says with a grin. "She just smiled at you."

I think it's just gas. But I'll take it.

Staring across the table at Josh, I almost feel normal. It's nice to see there is still a world out here. Mine has been turned upside down. But this right here is helping me regain my footing.

"Dance with me?" He offers his hand and I take it.

Swaying in his arms, I find my strength again. I can adjust to the new normal. I can handle a baby, and school, and a career. I'm Donna Moss Lyman. I've reinvented myself before and I'll do it again.

"It's been a crazy year hasn't it?" Josh whispers in my ear. "Any regrets?"

"No. It's definitely been a wild ride, but there is no one else I'd want to do it with. We're better together."

The song ends and he guides me back to the table.

"We sure are. We made a pretty adorable baby."

"Speaking of which, I'm going to text Helen and see how she's doing." I pull out my phone and shoot her a text. I hope she sees it right away.

Ten minutes go by, then I get a text from Helen, which I repeat to Josh. "Everything's fine here. Have fun."

He grins at me and takes my hand. "Someday we'll go back to Hawaii to celebrate our anniversary, but," he pulls a small box out of his pocket, "hopefully, this is good enough for now. Thanks for saying yes. You've made me the happiest man in the world."

"Josh!" I gasp as I open it. It's a stunning blue topaz ring. I feel like I should protest. It's too much. He just gave me earrings and a bracelet for my birthday. But his smile is so wide, I can't possibly say anything negative.

"It's gorgeous. Thank you." He slips it on my finger and I can't help my smile as I stare at it. Now I feel kind of stupid. There's a tie waiting for him at home. Maybe I can get out and get him something better while he's at work tomorrow.

"I didn't really get you anything."

"Donna! You put up with me for a whole year. You just gave me a baby! I don't need anything but the two of you and the promise you'll never leave."

"I'll never leave. You don't have to bribe me with jewelry, Josh."

"I'm not bribing you! I like giving you jewelry! I like seeing you wearing something I gave you."

"Well tell you what, sometime soon, I'll surprise you when you come home, and the jewelry will be the only thing I'm wearing."

Josh's eyebrows shoot up his forehead and he swallows hard. I can tell he's imagining it. "Yeah, that'd be a good present."

"I'd say let's do it tonight . . . but Helen told me that we shouldn't have sex tonight." I expect Josh to look surprised, or puzzled or something.

"Yeah, Matt told me the same thing. It was really odd. It's not like I raised the topic or anything."

"Me neither! She just volunteered it. And it came across almost like an order."

"Seriously. Matt was the same. They must have planned it."

"Well," I wiggle my eyebrows at him, "we don't HAVE to listen to them about this." I don't really feel sexy but I've never liked being told what to do, and it is our anniversary. But Josh is vehemently shaking his head no.

"Matt kind of over-shared. He said they didn't wait long enough. He said it was agony for Helen and he's always felt really guilty about it. God knows I want you, but I can't even bear the though of hurting you like that. We need to wait until the doctor says its okay AND you really feel up to it. No matter how long that takes."

I scoot my chair closer to him so I can lean into his ear and whisper suggestively- "There are parts of my body that don't hurt at all. There's still something we can do . . . "

Josh gets a slow grin and flags down the waitress.

"We'll take dessert to go."