i'm supposed to be doing exam revision, and i don't know where this even came from. but it happened anyway.


Most of the people Maya knew fell in love quickly. Their lives were one way, and then suddenly, this person entered their life, and suddenly they were pulled into this brand new orbit and living this brand new nebtacular life. Maya didn't have that.

And for Maya, there was no "I was in the middle before I knew I had begun" romantic insanity either. It wasn't even a person that made her realize it, honestly.

It was just two words, and then a goddamn pat on the cheek.

"You're sweet."

At first, Maya was aggravated. Maya was not sweet. Did Lucas not know her at all?

So she hissed at him like a feral cat.

"Maya, I saw what you did back there for that girl."

"What, was I supposed to just let Billy call her that?"

"I mean, it's not like it wasn't true."

Maya gave Lucas a death glare. "Again with the truth! First Riley, and now you. Who cares if it's true?"

"Because he called her gay. And she is gay."

"Why's that matter?" Maya asked, taking a step back and planting her feet heavy on the ground. "You don't say things like that about people."

Lucas opened his mouth to retort, but Maya didn't let him even get started.

"And second," she said, pointing her finger at him, "don't ever call me sweet."

Maya thought about that moment a lot, for some reason. She wasn't quite sure why. Sometimes she thought it was about the part where Lucas called her sweet—he was never going to live that down. But then other times, she thought it was because of the girl. She wasn't sure why she had such a strong need to defend that girl, but she did, and that was part of her life now, and it was over.

Until it wasn't. A few months later, everything clicked. She went to the movies with Riley because Zac Efron was supposed to be shirtless (twice!). After the movie, Riley was going on and on about how she wished she were ten years older, and Maya just wasn't feeling it. At all. And she didn't get it. For years, Maya had been going to movies and swooning over the hot shirtless guys, and making googly eyes at the boys hockey team, and once she'd even been able to instigate an innocent little game of Spin the Bottle (at which, Riley froze and ran away with wide eyes when her bottle pointed right at Farkle).

But now? Nothing. She felt nothing. Riley said she got butterflies in her stomach the second Zac Efron's character's shirt got caught on a fence, and then had to go the next 30 minutes bare chested (oh, you poor thing), but Maya was empty, and she thought maybe something was wrong with her. She already knew she was broken, but she couldn't be this broken, could she?

"Maya, what's going on?" Riley asked Maya, but she couldn't give an answer, because suddenly her stomach was lurching.

"I can't—"

Maya ran to the bathroom, locked herself in a stall, and promptly threw up, all the while, Billy's words repeating in her head, and she couldn't breathe. "That's so gay. So gay. Gay. Gay. Gay." She grasped onto the metal bars on each side of the stall and tried to catch her breath.

No. She couldn't be—she was too young to be—as if everything weren't already bad enough, she had to learn—no.

Maya took her time, and thought about the girl. She didn't even know her name. She knew that Billy had taken a jab at her, and Maya couldn't stand it, and now she knew why. She didn't stand up for the girl because she felt bad for her, or because she supported her. Maya had taken it as a personal offense, and her throat burned at the realization.

The stupid thing was, the realization didn't even come because of a specific girl. Sure, that girl she defended was the catalyst or whatever, but never once did Maya ever consider that girl to be anything other than a person she defended because Maya was offended. It wasn't the girl that did it, really. Somehow, just now, Maya simply knew.

Maya was gay.

And her first thought after saying it to herself in silent words? Shawn's gonna be so disappointed in me.

"Maya!" she heard soon enough, and Riley was storming closer like it was her job. Which, it was technically. Being a best friend was a full-time career. "Maya, are you okay?"

Maya ruffled her fingers through her hair and exited the bathroom stall with the weakest smile Riley had ever seen.

"I think I—" she started, but then she saw that a group of girls were entering, and she stopped talking effective immediately. "I can't do this here."

So they left, sat at Riley's window, and Maya struggled to speak.

"Cmon' peaches, we're best friends, you can tell me."

"Riley, I think I'm gay."

If there had ever been a prize for quickest jaw drop, Riley would have won it instantly. If Maya hadn't been so concerned for her own issues right now, she would have worried that Riley's jaw would get stuck like that.

"How's that for a bad influence?" Maya joked, but Riley's mouth was still open, so Maya pushed it closed, only for Riley's jaw to drop again. "Riles? Riley? Anybody home?"

"I don't know what that means."

Maya cocked her head. "You sweet summer child." Maya stopped joking. "I don't think I like boys."

"No, I know what it means. Like the definition. I don't know what that means for us. As friends."

Maya almost started crying. She didn't know Riley was like that. She would never have thought Riley was like that. But Maya was strong, and held herself together.

"Is this a problem for you?" Maya asked, ready to climb right out of that window if Riley said yes.

"It's a problem for you."

"Okay, I'm lost," Maya said.

"If you don't like boys, does that mean that all the times we went to the movies, watched the sports games and everything—was that all not real for you?"

Maya shook her head. "It was. I didn't know until now. I really didn't. I'm still Maya. I'm still your best bad influence. Or at least, I hope I am."

Riley grinned. "You're the best bad influence a girl like me could ever have."