She knew him, everyone knew him - Elder - the future leader of the ship, so when she saw him running from the Hospital one night after the solar lamp clicked off she thought it was a little strange. Typically when she saw him he was dignified, mature, even if he was ten years younger. Here everyone was the same age - if were part of the Generation you were 25 - but Elder, being born between the seasons so he could be trained to be leader, was 17 and Eldest, the current leader, was 37. It was simple this way, she had thought, unlike what she'd seen in vids of Sol Earth - people were never the same age there and she thought that would be quite confusing.
Elodie never really questioned much, she enjoyed simple things: waking up with the light of the solar lamp in the morning, spending her days among the books from previous gens and some that were left over from Sol Earth, walking around the garden outside and sometimes sticking her feet in the water of the lake, and finally ending the days looking out over the quite ship until the solar lamp clicked off for the night shrouding the ship in darkness except for a dull glow from the lamp which was supposed to mimic Sol Earth's moon's light and the distant lights from the City that lay across the fields. She knew she was different from the people in the city, she grew up in the Hospital, after all (they told her she was Loons) - the people in the City, though, were empty, she thought, it was like they never had their own thoughts or opinions on anything - but she did, she had concerns and questions and even hopes and dreams. It was just with no one to share these thoughts with she mostly kept them to herself, plus she was Loons anyway so who would listen to her? She had been given the job as Recorder several years ago when the old one was too old to continue. It was a solitary job, no one really bothered coming into the Hall. Most of the friends she'd had while growing up in the Hospital had all become shippers and they spent all their waking moments on the Shipper level and hardly stopped by to visit since they were so busy keeping the ship going. She didn't mind so much - it was simpler this way.
She stood, pushing herself up off the chair. She stepped forward to the deck rail and watched Elder run his way down the Hospital steps, take a hard left, and head towards the wall of the ship. He looked around frantically, casting nervous looks back over his shoulder towards the hospital. He hadn't seen her watching, what with her being too far away and up on a hill, he would have had to get very close to look up and see her, but he was running in the wrong direction. She was curious; why was he running, what was he running from, and where was he running to? There was nothing in that direction except a small stretch of field and then the wall. Curiosity getting the better of her she decided to follow the future leader of Godspeed and see if he was alright. She would simply catch up with him, ask him if he was okay, and surely he was fine, and then she would head in for the night. Simple.
Elodie jogged down the stairs and over in the direction Elder had headed. By the time she had reached the wall she saw that Elder had stopped running and was instead catching his breath, clutching at his arms as if he was shielding himself. She was just about to say something when he took off again, slinking along the darkness of the wall, following it's curve. She was a few yards behind him, he still didn't know she was there, and she continued to follow him. She followed as he lead her unknowingly through the pastures and passed some sleeping cows and a few bunnies that hadn't settled in for the night quite yet. They passed the sheds full of animal feed and finally entered the City. It was brighter out here and Elodie suddenly felt like she was wrong to have followed him. She felt like she was stalking him and the bright lights were going to expose her. She slowed her pace and fell even further behind him. Eventually she broke off his trail and instead climbed up to a terrace above the Butchers and simply watched as Elder wove in and out of streets. It seemed he was trying not to be seen as well as he was taking extra care to avoid any people who were out late, and shied away from too bright lights and large windows.
Finally he reached his destination. Elodie watched as he glanced around one last time and walked up towards the Grav Tube that lead off the Feeder level and went up to the Shipper and Keeper levels. Of course, Elodie thought, he's just going back to Keeper Level. Eldest probably expected him back before the solar lamp clicked off and he must have lost track of time. He's probably trying to sneak back to his room without Eldest finding out he wasn't there. Simple. She should have stayed back at the Recorder Hall and just headed to bed. Now she had followed a teenage boy on a silly whim and now she had to cross the entire Feeder level to get back. It would take hours! She mentally cursed herself for letting her curiosity get the best of her and began to climb down off the terrace and begin her trip back home. Only she glimpsed something out of the corner of her eye that made her stay one more moment. Elder, instead of opening the grev tube and ascending back to the Keeper level walked just off to the side of it, where the side met the metal wall of the ship. He seemed to reach behind the tube (which she thought was impossible, she thought that the tube was flush to the wall) and grabbed a hold of something she couldn't see. Suddenly the grey of the wall pushed inward slightly and for a moment Elodie thought the wall had given away to the great blackness of open space. Instead the only thing that happened was that Elder slipped into the blackness that had appeared in the wall and as soon as he was fully consumed by it the gray wall appeared back in it's normal place. Had Elodie not seen it happen with her own two eyes she would have assumed nothing had happened at all. There was no evidence of a mysterious disappearing and reappearing wall ever existed and there was no trace left of the boy who disappeared to whatever lay on the other side.
She couldn't bring herself to go back to the Hall. She sat there on the terrace waiting for Elder to reappear. She waited for hours and hours. She awoke the next morning to a man talking to her, "what are you doing on my porch?" he asked. She was startled and jumped awake. The solar lamp hadn't clicked on yet, but she knew the City workers typically got up earlier than the lamp. It must be time for them to go to work. By all rights the man should be mad, but he showed no emotion as her asked her what she was doing there.
"Sorry," she grumbled, "I didn't mean to fall asleep here, I was waiting for someone." "Waiting for who? This is my house. I was not waiting for you." He said. "I know, I must have... I must have gotten lost." she lied. She didn't want to argue with people who couldn't argue back, especially not after such few hours of sleep on an uncomfortable terrace four stories off the ground. "I'm sorry to hear that." the man said, "maybe I can help you find your way." "No, thank you, I'm just going to go home." she said to the emotionless man. "Sorry, again." "It is okay. Good day." the man said as he walked passed her and descended the metal stairs to the ground and headed to work.
Elodie climbed down herself and rubbed her lower back gently when she reached the ground. Never again, she thought, will we sleep on metal terraces. She yawned and turned toward the Hall, about to head home to take a shower, eat something, and then nap, when she found her feet had other plans. Instead of heading back home she found herself turning heal and heading toward the grav tube and the mysterious wall. 'Oh, what happened to my simple morning?' she asked herself when she found she couldn't find the will power to make her legs walk in the right direction. When she reached the wall she stared at it for a few moments. It looked the same as all the other walls. Same color, same curvature, same cool feeling when touched. Nothing was different. She looked around the sides of the grav tube and thought it wasn't strange, either. She tried shoving her hand behind it, like she had watched Elder do, but she was right - the wall and the back of the grav tube were flush, there couldn't be anything back there.
She was about to give up when she let her hand fall away from the tube. As it did it brushed against a slight indent that was right against where the grav tube and the wall met. So there was something there, right where the two joined, after all. Gently, and now with a pounding heart, she pressed her fingers into the indent. Nothing happened. So she tried again, this time pressing harder. Again, the wall did not fall away like it had last night. She thought a moment then tried locking her fingers on the edge of the indent and pulling. That's when a small crack appeared. The City was still dark but she could hear people stirring behind their closed doors and drawn curtains. Soon it would be bustling with life as all the workers headed to their jobs and then everyone else would wake up, too. She felt that this was something secretive, based on the way Elder had acted last night, and so she squeezed herself into the small crack.
Once inside she couldn't see anything. It was pitch black inside the wall, no City lights or solar lamp to add light here. Before she pressed on she pushed on the heavy wall that was really a door in an attempt to close it. When it didn't work she groped around blindly for another latch. Luckily she found it and pulled the door closed, expecting it to thud shut but instead it closed with a sound no louder than a whisper. But even here, in the secret place that sound was like yelling. She stood for a moment and let her eyes adjust to the darkness. Looking around she saw stairs, a giant set of wide metal stairs that went up a few steps then spread out to a small landing as they bent around and headed up. Looking straight up she saw them stretch far out of sight and she figured they must go all the way up to the Keeper level. She also noticed that about two or three landings up there was a dull light. That must be where Elder is, she thought, but why is he hiding in here?
She was about to make her way up the steps and find out if he was okay, and ask him what he was doing here, when she was suddenly pushed against the wall that wasn't a wall and felt the edge of something sharp press into the side of her neck. She was pinned there, her assaulter using his body to hold her in place, one of their hands around the hilt of what was obviously a knife and the other had grabbed at one of her arms and was twisting it backwards. She was in pain, and she was scared, and her senses kicked into overdrive. Suddenly the dustiness of the place was unbearable and she felt choked, she could hear and feel the assaulter's heavy breathing against the back of her neck, smelled the metal of the blade pressing against her delicate flesh, and she felt something warm and wet on the hand that was being held by her attacker. She didn't want to think about what that could be. She didn't want to think about what was going to happen to her. She just wished she had stuck to her simple little routine and had never followed Elder here. And that's when she realized, there was only one person who could be here.
"Elder?" she asked, her voice hitching from fear and from the dust in this place. She coughed, and immediately wished she hadn't as the force moved her even harder onto the blade. She hissed with pain as it nicked her.
"Who are you?" he asked. "Elodie." she said. "The Recorder."
"I know who you are." he said. He was the only one who ever went into the Recorder Hall and lately he had been spending more time there. She always left him alone, figuring he was studying something for Eldest. "What are you doing here?"
"I saw you, I'm sorry. I saw you run from the Hospital last night and then disappear here. I wanted to make sure you were okay." honesty was always the best policy, right? That's what Eldest had always taught them anyway.
"Who else saw me?" He pressed the blade closer and this time she let out a yelp as the small cut got a little bigger. She could feel the blood trickling down the side of her neck.
"No one. No one else, I swear. I was just curious and I shouldn't have followed you. I'm sorry, Elder." she cried.
"Don't call me that." he didn't press the blade closer but he did twist her arm more. "Eld- shite, sorry. I'm so sorry. Please let me go." She was fully crying now. Tears were leaking from her eyes from the pain and fear. "I swear no one else saw me and I swear I won't tell anyone - I won't tell Eldest if that's what you're worried about." "You tell NO ONE." Elder hissed in her ear. "Do you understand that?"
"Yes!" she almost yelled. "Yes, I understand!"
He removed the blade from her neck and backed away so she wasn't pinned anymore, but he kept his hold on her wrist. He pulled her along with him as he started walking toward the stairs. Elodie wanted to ask where he was taking her but was too afraid to ask. She had her free hand pressed against the cut on her neck as she tried to stem the bleeding. Luckily it wasn't near any major vein or artery and was no deeper than a nick one would expect from shaving too roughly. Elder brought her up to the third landing, where Elodie had seen the light earlier, and let her go. He sat down on a cot he had set up and she stood across from him, too afraid to sit down. When he let go of her wrist she went to rub it to relieve some of the pain and saw that he left a bloody hand-print behind on her skin. She looked up at him again and this time she noticed that half of the left side of his neck was ripped up and had a hole three fingers wide right behind his ear.
"I'm sorry I had to do that." he said, breaking the silence.
"Elder, what happened?" she asked.
"I told you not to call me that." he said angrily. He didn't ignore her question, however, as he bent down and picked something small off the ground and tossed it at her. It fell with a 'clink' to the ground at her feet and she took this as an opportunity to sit down. She picked the object up off the floor and held it up to the small lantern he had set up. It was a small chip with three metal wires dangling from it, like a tiny octopus she had seen in a vid of Sol Earth oceans once, only those things had 8 limbs and this just had three. She studied it a moment, it was still covered in fresh blood, and it dawned on her what it was. She dropped it to the floor immediately and backed away from it.
"Is that your wi-com?" she asked with disbelief. "Yeah." a smirk played on his lips. "Had to take it out. Just got it, actually." Which was believable since his hands were still covered in his own blood and if she was closer she'd have noticed his continued bleeding.
"Are you frexing kidding me?" she asked. "Elde- Not-Elder what the frex is going on?" "You're still bleeding." He said, looking up at her, and drawing the attention away from himself. "I don't care about that right now." She said. "I do." He replied. "I'm sorry, again. Didn't know who you were, if I could trust you."
She was taken aback by this. "You can." He nodded. He picked up something from under his cot and walked over to her. She flinched away when he knelled down beside her and placed a cloth gently against her neck. "I'm sorry again." He said in response to her flinch. "Yeah." was all she replied.
She was sure he meant it, why else would he be helping her clean it up now, but she was still wary. She hadn't gotten out of here yet. With him this close all she could smell was blood. It was now that she noticed his own wound was bleeding and his was much deeper than hers.
"You're still bleeding." she pointed out to him. He lifted his hand and placed it against his neck, somehow not even flinching. "Oh, shite." "Here." She took the cloth from him and held it against his neck instead. "You're going to die of blood-loss in here. You should get to Doc." "No!" he yelled. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt. It stopped hurting when I broke the skin. I'm not leaving."
"You're probably in shock! That thing is going to get infected or you're going to bleed to death and I can't let you do that." she told him.
"You will." it was clear it was a demand. "I am not leaving here. No one is going to know I am in here. Understand."
"Elder you can't -"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" he yelled and knocked her hand away from his neck. His yelling had put to much pressure on him and caused the wound to bleed more freely, any clotting that had begun was broken.
"For frex sake, let me frexing help you! Tell me what's going on and let me stop that frexing bleeding!" she was yelling now the stress of the morning was getting to her and she didn't care if he killed her in his anger but she was not going to let him, a teenager, push her around without getting some answers after what he put her through.
He paused and considered her a moment. Finally he decided to tell her his story:
"Eldest is lying to everyone." he stopped again, thinking about something, about how much she should be told. "Eldest is lying to everyone on this frexing ship and he wants me to lie to them, too. I told him I wouldn't - I couldn't lie to everyone even if it's to keep the peace. I just can't and I won't. So he sent me to the Hospital. He told Doc to kill me." He put out his arm and Elodie saw there was a cut right under the bend of his elbow - it looked as if a needle was pulled out the wrong way and instead of leaving only a pinpoint behind it was dragged along the skin and left behind an inch long gash. "Doc couldn't do it. He didn't want to kill me. He let me go. I was planning on this happening - Eldest had been threatening me for months about getting rid of me - so I packed up things I needed and stashed them here. It's the old stairwell back before the grav tube was invented. Eldest doesn't know about it. I figured out how to trick the floppies so Eldest won't see any wi-com signals from this place, but I had to deactivate mine. If I ever get to leave this place I can't have myself showing back up on the map. Eldest - everyone - needs to think I am dead." he finished explaining and looked at her, as if studying her reaction.
"What are you going to do?" she asked. "I mean, you can't stay here forever." "I'll figure it out." he said. I should have plenty of time to think in here.
They were silent. Elder was trying to gauge Elodie's reaction as she was still chewing on all that he had told her. It didn't make sense to her. Eldest was a good leader. Why would he order his successor to be killed? What was he lying about? Surely Elder - Not-Elder - was wrong. But how could he be? He wouldn't be hiding inside a wall in the dark with a hole in his neck if he was wrong.
"What is Eldest lying about?"
Elder sighed. "Everything. I can't tell you." "You can't tell me what Eldest is lying about but you said you weren't going to lie like him." she stated.
She had gotten him and he knew it. If he lied now she wouldn't trust him and if she didn't trust him there was no way he could trust her to keep this all a secret. He sighed, "here", he reached over to a crate beside them and pulled out a bottle. Elodie didn't need him to open it to know what was inside it so she wasn't surprised that when he did that there were small blue and white pills inside. The same pills she had been taking since she moved into the Hospital. Doc said they were supposed to make her less loons. "I didn't know you were loons, too." she said.
He laughed. It was a harsh, humorless, laugh and he winced with pain as finally his neck was regaining feeling.
"Yeah, see, now you feel it." Elodie stated. "What's so funny about being loons?"
"Everything," he said, "because we're not loons."
"Yes we are, Doc said so, I've been in the Hospital since I was 10. I've been taking those pills for 15 years." she told him.
"It's all a lie. You notice how the people in the City are different, don't you? How they seem... empty. That's not normal. They're supposed to be like US. We're the normal ones." he explained.
"You are loons!" she stated. "No, listen! I know you see it. They're not right - they don't think, they don't feel, they just do whatever Eldest tells them! And us, we're normal because we think and feel and choose what we want and don't want to do! Eldest is controlling them! Eldest has this stuff - Phydus - and he's putting it in the water. It takes away their ability to think for themselves! Everyone drinks it. Even us. But this," he held up the pills, "these inhibitor pills prevent it from working. We don't take these because we're loons, we take them so we wont be mindless drones!"
Elodie didn't know what to think, all of this was overloading her. She needed time to digest what he was telling her, needed time to figure out if he was actually so loons that he was making this all up.
"I should go." she said. She stood, letting the bloody cloth she had been pressing against Elder's neck fall to the ground, and began to walk away. "You can't." he called after her.
She stopped dead, too full of fear to keep walking. This was it, she thought, he's going to kill me, he was never going to let me get out of here.
"Not yet." he continued. "Please, someone will see you."
"You're going to let me go?" She asked, and immediately wished she hadn't, she didn't want him to think about it and change his mind.
"Yes. I'm not a killer. I just... I just need to disappear. I need to stay here and think about what I'm going to do, how I'm going to get the truth to everyone. I just need a way that's not going to cause a mutiny, or get anyone killed. I need to protect the people." he said witch such sincerity that Elodie did believe him. "You're loons." she said, turning back to face him.
He smiled up at her. "Maybe just a little."
It wasn't very reassuring but she couldn't shake the feeling inside her that was telling her he wasn't lying. She knew deep down that the City people were wrong, she'd always known it, and what Elder was saying did sort of make sense even if it did sound completely loons.
"What else is he lying about?" she asked softly, walking back towards his makeshift camp and sitting down across from him.
"Like I said, everything. I found out a few more things before he ordered Doc to kill me, some big things, even bigger than the Phydus. And I know there's more, I just need to figure them out. One day I'll get out of here and I will figure out all this ship's secrets. I can't tell you everything. I'm sorry - I just... it's -" he started.
"You don't trust me." she stated.
"I trust you that you wont tell anyone I'm here." he assured her. "And I trust you won't tell anyone about the Phydus - Eldest would kill you."
"He would not! See, you are loons!" she yelled. She couldn't believe that her kind and gentle leader was a killer.
"Look at me!" he yelled back at her. "I'm supposed to be the future leader and where am I? Am I on the Keeper level training with Eldest? Am I? No! I'm sitting in a forgotten hole in the wall with a hole in my neck and a gash on my arm from where Doc ripped the needle out of my arm when he decided he couldn't bring himself to kill me - something Eldest ordered him to do! He's not like you think he is! He controls people's minds to make them work! He hides secrets even from his successors! He tried to kill me!" "Maybe you're so loons you only think that's what happened! Maybe he was sending you to Doc to get better meds. Maybe he was trying to help you and you ran away! Maybe he's looking for you right now, worried that you've gotten hurt!" she argued. "He's probably trying to -"
She was cut off mid-sentence when her wi-com beeped three times. "Com-link: Eldest." a gentle, female voice chirped into her left ear. She listened as her leader spoke, his voice filling her head: "Attention Godspeed. It is with heavy heart that I am speaking to you this morning. I apologize that the news I have to report is devastating. Please, sit if you are standing, I do not wish anyone to be hurt if they become overwhelmed with shock - I know I am. My friends, my family - Our Elder has passed on to the stars. There was an accident, he acted recklessly, and now he is gone. Do not worry - there will be a new leader to take my place, Godspeed must go on, the mission will not fail - but let us not forget him. That is all."
Elodie couldn't believe it. She was wrong, Eldest wasn't looking for Elder, wasn't trying to help him. He really did believe that he was dead. And the way he sounded in his all-call... it wasn't right. Maybe it could fool the empty, emotionless people of the City, but not her. She heard not an ounce of regret or despair in his voice. He may as well have been reporting that the ship walls were still grey and the garden was still green.
"What did he say?" Elder asked. "I know it was him - what did he tell everyone?"
"I believe you." she said to him, still so lost in her own thoughts that her voice sounded as emotionless as those in the City.
"Why?" he asked. He was dying to know what Eldest had said.
"He lied." she said. She pulled herself out of her thoughts, "He lied! You were right."
"Tell me, please." he asked again.
"He wasn't in the least bit upset. Not even a drop of sadness. Like it was the most boring thing in the world." she rambled, speaking her thoughts out loud. "You would think - but he didn't. He doesn't care. And if he doesn't care then... then you were right. If he doesn't care it's because he knew. Because it wasn't an accident. Because he wanted it..." she looked over to Elder who wasn't Elder anymore. "He said you died."
"What else?" he asked, leaning closer to where she was sitting as if by getting closer he could hear the ghost of Eldest's words echoing through her head. "Just that there was an accident, that you were reckless, and now you're among the stars. That Godspeed will continue, a new leader, but you are dead." she summarized. "He sounded bored, not devastated like he said."
"You know why." Not-Elder said sitting back up in a normal position.
"You're not lying." Elodie said. "I told you, I'm trying to tell the truth, unlike him." he said. "I just need to figure everything out."
"How are you going to live in here?" she asked. "I've got enough stuff, I'll figure it out." he said. "I'll come out when I think it's safe - or when I need to, like if I run out of food or something."
"Will you be okay?" she gestured to his wound.
"I won't rip anything else out of me." he smiled. "Other than that I don't think anything else could hurt me in here. Unless I trip and fall down these stairs." He laughed.
Elodie didn't find it funny. "Don't do that, either." He laughed harder but the laughing turned to a hiss as pain shot through his neck. "No problem." he said through clenched teeth, his hand pressing hard against the open wound, trying to stop the pain but really only making it worse.
"That probably needs stitches." Elodie told him.
"But it wont happen." he said.
"Yeah, I know." she sighed. "What am I supposed to do now?" "I don't know - we'll wait out the day and when it's dark again you can leave. You know you can't tell anyone." he told her.
"I know, I won't." she promised.
"And you can't come back here." he added.
"What if I want to make sure you're okay?" she asked.
"You can't." he warned. "You can't come back here - if Eldest spots you or a shipper or anyone see's you disappearing into a wall... they will find me, it's too risky. Once you leave today you can't come back." "Eld -" she stopped herself and sighed, "What if you need help?"
"Then I will come to you - but you can't come to me, okay?" he asked.
"Fine." she yawned, the lack of sleep and the crazy morning finally catching up to her. "Here," he said, getting up off his makeshift cot. "You can sleep if you want, you look tired."
"No, I shouldn't." she said. She couldn't sleep in his little cot no matter how tired she was. It felt like an odd thing to do after he almost killed her and after Eldest announced him dead. It didn't help that the edge of the thin sheet on top of it was covered in blood. He should have pulled that thing out somewhere else, she thought. Then shook her head chasing away the thought, all of this was still loons. "Well here, take this at least." he tossed a pillow at her. She barely caught it, her reflexes were so slow from fatigue. "If it'll make you more comfortable you can sleep on a different landing - I'll stay up here." She considered this a moment. Realizing she'd be here all day and admitting she was exhausted she took him up on his offer. "Thanks." "Don't worry about it." he smiled.
She took his pillow and walked down to the landing below. From this landing she could still see the glow of his lantern as the light stretched its way down towards her, but she couldn't see him. She didn't want to feel like she was being watched as she slept so being down here made her feel more comfortable. She laid down and got as comfortable as possible, wondering if she'd even be able to fall asleep what with her mind racing as it was. As she placed her head on the pillow she thought, nothing's ever going to be simple again, is it? Before she could spend time thinking about it she fell into a deep sleep.
