I don't own bleach!

a/n: Another one that's a bit longer. I kinda improvised at the end, and was different from how I originally planned, so I hope it's still funny!


Eat Kitty, eat!

"…meow!"

"!!!!" Ulquiorra turned around. There was a cat. He'd never seen it before, although it looked seemingly familiar. It had small, blue eyes, and was black with white socks.

"…here, kitty." Ulquiorra put his hand out towards it. It looked at his hand with a menacing glare, and bit it.

"Ahg...! Trash…" He pulled his bleeding hand away from the cat, and cleaned the wound.

The cat was curled up into a ball, and was still staring at Ulquiorra. It was then, that Ulquiorra realised why the cat had seemed so familiar. It was Grimmjow.

"What…the hell happened to you?"

Grimmjow hissed at Ulquiorra, and was about to jump on him when Ulquiorra held a fish to his face. Grimmjow stopped. He wanted to eat. He was hungy. He hadn't eaten anything yet. Ulquiorra opened a can of cat food and gave it to Grimmjow.

"What the fuck?! I'm still a human! What do you think I am?! WHO do you think I am?! Give me something better, bitch!" Grimmjow thought angrily, looking at the pile of mooshed stuff which was supposedly cat food. Ulquiorra, realising grimmjow wasn't going to eat it, put a can of tuna in. Grimmjow ate ONLY the tuna, and left everything else. Again, Ulquiorra put another can of tuna in, but this time, he mashed it in with all the food. Grimmjow looked at it, not knowing if he should eat it or not.

"…fine, I was going to give you a whole can of tuna for dinner, but I guess it's going to go in the trash bin."

Grimmjow was frikin' angry. Ulquiorra was pissing him off. He pounced at Ulquiorra and clawed at him. Blood was dripping down Ulquiorra's face. Then he turned into a panther and was gonna kill Ulquiorra. Until…

He woke up.

"Fuck." Grimmjow turned to look at the time on his table. There was something next to his clock. It was a can of tuna.

Grimmjow walked over to where Ulquiorra was sleeping. He picked up his pillow, and batted Ulquiorra in the face with it.

"You fucking son of a bitch! How dare you mock me! GO TO HELL!"