A/N: frakkingblerg gave me the prompt "Drink Me." I hope I've fulfilled all of the requirements. (I don't own Major Crimes, The Closer, or any of their respective characters, et cetera, et cetera.)
The title is from a Little Dragon song of the same name.
Read, enjoy, review!
Constant Surprises
Brenda wandered down the hallway towards Major Crimes like a shadow. The building felt familiar and unfamiliar all at once, as if the months working down the street had removed her mark entirely from the place she'd once considered a home.
She was missing home an awful lot lately, in every sense. She missed her home in Atlanta, the place where her mother was buried now. She missed the home she'd had with Fritz – she didn't miss him so much, she'd finally let go of the idea that their divorce was a mistake. And most of all, oddly enough, she missed the home she'd made in the division she'd championed, with the makeshift-family she'd never be able to forget. The place where she'd finally felt like she belonged.
The harsh little tug in her chest was what brought her there today. The cops she'd bumped into on the way upstairs to her old stomping grounds had looked at her as though she were back from the dead – a spirit that'd wandered in from nowhere. She'd smiled brightly, trying to mask her discomfort.
She reached out her hand, took a deep breath, and finally turned the knob of the door to Major Crimes, ready to beam at her boys. Whatever she had prepared herself to find on the other side, she had not expected an empty room. The air fell out of her lungs. Her shoulders slumped and her features sank.
She stepped further into the murder room, her footsteps echoing hollowly in her ears. She put her hand on the desk that had once been David's, prompting a sad little smile on her face. He was doing well in his new position - bright as a blooming, Southern rose.
She was happy for him, really. But she couldn't help but feel a little stab of defeat at the thought that she could be – should be – blooming too, but just couldn't find it in herself to bend in the direction of the sun.
"Chief?"
Brenda thought maybe she was hearing things at first. Then she turned towards the voice, the one that felt like it was resounding from another life, and saw that woman standing there: at the door to her office, in her murder room. It wasn't Brenda's anymore.
The Chief couldn't really bring herself to harbour any resentment towards the former head of FID. After all, the woman had all but staked her own job protecting Major Crimes and its often-unrepentant department head. She deserved to be running the thing she'd saved.
Brenda smiled weakly.
"Hey there Captain. I just came by to visit. But I should've called ahead. I don't know why I thought everyone would be around." And she honestly didn't know why she'd assumed. She wished she hadn't now as she stood awkwardly in the abandoned space.
Sharon smiled at the uncharacteristically uncomfortable Chief. It had been so long since they'd been in the same room. She still felt the draw of her like a little current; even while she'd been sitting in her office, she'd felt the tiny niggling sensation that had prompted her to step out into the murder room even though she knew her officers were out for the day.
"It's all right. Usually there would be at least a couple of them around, but I sent them home to rest. We just closed our case a couple hours ago." Sharon said. She noticed that Brenda looked a little jilted. Disappointed. "I'm sorry it's just me," Sharon said with a smirk.
Brenda returned the smile. "Don't be. It's great to see you again, Sharon."
They held each other's gaze for a few, long seconds, as if testing the reality that they were both really there, waiting for the other to disappear.
Brenda shook herself out of the daze. "Anyway, I should get goin'; don't wanna hold you up." She turned to leave.
"Wait," Sharon said, taking a few steps in the blonde's direction. Brenda turned back around. "Let me take you out for a drink." Sharon said, her face warm and open.
Not "please" or "would you like to" but "let me." Something about the way she said it too, something in that low, winding voice gave Brenda pause.
Something about the way she said it made Brenda's choice easy.
"Okay. That'd be nice." Brenda replied with a genuine smile.
The place they ended up in was called Howard's, which looked like a dive from the outside. On the inside it looked… like a dive. But a cosy one, Brenda thought.
She followed closely behind Sharon who immediately made her way to the bar. Brenda was about to swing herself up onto one of the stools when she realized Sharon wasn't – she was leaning against the bar instead, waiting. Brenda didn't realize what for until the handsome, pepper-haired bartender turned towards them, his face lighting up eagerly upon seeing the Captain.
"Sharon!" He said brightly, stepping up in front of her. He put out a hand and she took it firmly, shaking it with friendly vigor. "If there wasn't a bar between us I'd hug you," he laughed. "How the hell are you?"
Sharon chuckled. "Not bad, Jacob. Not bad at all." She turned to Brenda. "Brenda Leigh Johnson, this is Jake Lawson." She turned back to the barkeep. "Jake used to wear the uniform a long time ago – before he left us for this pig sty."
Jake turned to Brenda. "She's just jealous because she missed out on the opportunity of being my business partner when she had the chance. I made her an offer she couldn't refuse and what did she do? Refuse, of course." Brenda smirked, finding it very difficult to imagine the Captain being part owner of any bar at all where suits weren't in the dress code.
"Jake, dear, do you serve anything in this place besides your own particularly bitter brew? I'm absolutely parched." Sharon's eyes were glittering the same way they did when she used to challenge Brenda to pissing contests.
"You know exactly what I serve, Raydor – same as the last fifteen years. Now what'll it be?"
"An absurdly large glass of merlot."
"And for Brenda?" Jake turned to her.
"The same, please, Jake." Brenda replied brightly, enjoying this suddenly silly side of the Captain. She'd had drinks with the woman a couple times before leaving the LAPD, but it was usually with extra company and a lot less one-on-one interaction.
"Tell you what then, ladies. There's a perfect little table over there – where I have no doubt Sharon was already headed since it's essentially her spot. Why don't you two go have a seat and I'll bring you a bottle of my best."
Sharon leaned towards Brenda conspiratorially. "He means his onlybottle."
Jake folded his arms across his chest dramatically. "Sharon Raydor if you don't sit your ass down I will climb over this bar and bear-hug you into submission."
Sharon braced herself jokingly and chuckled. "Okay, okay! I'm going, see?" She waited for Brenda to follow and then they both took a seat in the back. It was a small table with a half-circle booth seat. Brenda could tell why she liked it. Sharon relaxed into one corner and Brenda stayed on one side, observing the Captain's every move.
"You look surprised, Chief." Sharon said, without actually taking a glance at the blonde's face.
"I'm just enjoyin' seein' you in your… element is all." Brenda remarked.
"What? Are you surprised I didn't take you to some upscale, Yankee-loving, martini bar?" Sharon asked.
"Would it be terrible if I said yes?"
"Not even remotely. Besides, I like surprising people."
"How mysterious you are, Cap'n."
Sharon shrugged. "I try."
Jake sauntered up to their table with a napkin over his forearm, the open bottle of Merlot in one hand, and two glasses in the other. He set the glasses down delicately, then carefully poured a sip of wine into Sharon's glass. He made an exaggeratedly pretentious sneer as they locked eyes and she tasted the wine.
She nodded once. "That will be acceptable, Monsieur. You may leave the bottle." Jake made a little bow and set down the bottle on the table. He stood up straight, threw the napkin over his shoulder, and smiled broadly.
"Now stand up and give me an actual hug," he said. "I wasn't joking before."
Sharon followed the orders as Brenda looked on appreciatively. She realized she was staring at the two and she quickly dove under the table to fetch her wallet from her purse. As she opened it Sharon sat back down.
"Oh, no. Sharon, didn't you tell Brenda that her money's no good here?"
Sharon smirked at Jake and then scooted closer to Brenda and put her hand on a delicate wrist to stop the pursuit of cash. "Your money's no good here." She repeated with a smirk.
Brenda blushed a little at the tempered tone and the weight of Sharon's fingers around her wrist. She smiled lightly and put her wallet back down.
"You see, Brenda," Jake began, leaning over the table. "Sharon may not have become a partner in the business, but she did make a healthy contribution to my start-up. And for that, oh Captain, my Captain always drinks for free." He leaned a little closer to Brenda, speaking behind a guarding hand but still loudly enough for Sharon to hear. "Even when she decides to get absolutely sloshed.
Sharon reached over and smacked Jake on the arm.
"Ow! Jeez, someone's a little testy today. Hey, no secrets among friends, right, Sharon?" Jake winked. "You two let me know if you need anything else, all right?"
Sharon nodded and the man left the table. She poured herself and Brenda each a hefty glass of wine.
"How do you do that?" Brenda asked. The whole display had her curiosity piqued.
"Do what?"
"Make friends. I don't think I've ever been able to really get along with anyone longer than ten minutes unless they worked with me or wanted… somethin' else entirely."
"I made a lot of friends before FID. Jake was one of them. And since he left before I switched over, he didn't hold it against me. That's how we stayed friends. As for the rest, you just do what you love, be who you are, and hope you meet other people who feel the same."
Brenda scoffed. "You make it sound easy. Forty-six years and I still can't figure out how to do something most toddlers can." She took a long sip of wine.
Sharon tilted her head to the side and pored over Brenda's face. "God," she said. "Sometimes I forget how young you are."
Brenda turned to her companion and raised her eyebrows. "Ouch!" Brenda replied. "And secondly, I don't think anyone would consider me young."
"No, no I said that wrong," Sharon began, breaking into laughter. Brenda had never heard the woman laugh this much in one length of time. She found herself enjoying the sound of it.
"What I meant was: you've accomplished so much in a comparatively short time. The way people talked about you – correction: the way people still talk about you – it's as if you're some legendary folk hero, gone but never forgotten." Sharon said, then amended, "And by 'gone' I mean they still praise you like you're in the same building, watching over us all. Brenda Leigh Johnson, our lord and saviour." Sharon crossed herself in a practised, Catholic maneuver that sent Brenda into hysterics.
"Oh lord. People actually talk about me like that? You're going to send me straight back into high school anxiety."
"It's only ever in the most endearing of ways. You're as much a part of the LAPD building as the foundations its standing on, which, given your short time there is pretty profound."
"Just keep soothin' my ego, Captain. It'll get you everywhere," Brenda drawled. She noticed that she was sitting closer to the Captain than she had been before. She couldn't recall making the decision to move further around the booth, but there she was.
"Tell me you didn't get gawked at when you came in today." Sharon pressed with a knowing glint in her eye.
Brenda shook her head and let out a breath of air. She replied after a moment's pause. "Okay, so maybe a few of 'em looked at me funny."
Sharon began to cross herself again. Brenda swatted at the other woman's hand, grabbing it before it could complete its religious duty. "Stop that!" She chastised, both of them laughing this time.
As the laughter subsided, Sharon looked down at their hands, still tangled in absent jest. Her eyebrows furrowed and she turned Chief's hand over. She ran her thumb over Brenda's ring finger. Her left ring finger.
She looked up into a pair of knowing, brown eyes.
"He never said anything," Sharon murmured. "How long?"
Brenda smiled sadly. "About a month after I had my little career move." She looked down at the finger too – the tan line of the ring was gone altogether. Her hand didn't feel too-light anymore as it first had when she'd removed the heavy band. Sharon didn't prompt her, but she continued anyway. "I guess he got tired of my messiness and I got tired of tryin' to explain myself all the time."
Sharon gave the woman's hand a little squeeze and Brenda looked up at her.
"It's all right," Brenda said. "I'm better for it, I think. Although daddy was none too pleased," Brenda added as she sat back in the booth, slipping her hand from Sharon's a little reluctantly. Brenda did her best imitation of her daddy's voice, "Another good man flushed down the tubes – you ain't as young as you think, darlin'!"
"Oh god, I wonder what he'd say about me." Sharon replied with a snort. She took a big gulp of wine at that. Brenda mimicked her.
"And here we are, a couple of spinsters, drinkin' our troubles away. What ever shall we do with ourselves?" Brenda grinned and quirked an eyebrow.
Before Sharon could suggest just what their course of action might be, Jake arrived back at the table with three shot glasses in his hands. He placed them on the table and looked knowingly at Sharon.
Sharon narrowed her eyes.
"Don't look at me like that, Raydor. You know what this is. They're from the two guys sitting at the end of the bar, I told them I knew you wouldn't be interested, and they said to send them anyway. No strings attached." He said.
She looked down at the shots then back up at him. "What are they and why are there three?"
"Vodka, and there are three because I knew you'd give me that look so I brought one for myself."
Sharon heaved a sigh, looked at Brenda, then scooted closer to the woman to make room. "Well then," she patted the space next to her, "have a seat Jakey boy and let's get this over with." Jake slid a glass to each of them as he sat.
Brenda took hers in hand. She was still a little off-kilter at the sudden warmth of Sharon's body unfamiliarly close to hers.
The Chief ventured a glance over to the end of the bar where two men were sitting. They looked to be in their mid-forties, generically good-looking, and grinning like idiots.
She looked back at Sharon.
"Don't even think about ditching me." Sharon said. Her tone was playfully sharp, but there was an underlying note of seriousness that made Brenda's heart a little happier.
"Wouldn't dream of it, Cap'n," Brenda cooed, somewhat more seductively than she'd planned. It didn't help that she batted her eyes a little too.
Jake cleared his throat obnoxiously and they turned to him. Brenda's face reddened and Sharon smiled. Jake was wearing a matching grin. "Ladies? Shall we?" He lifted his shot glass up.
They clinked the glasses together and downed them, each with a varying grimace as they absorbed the pang of the alcohol at their throat.
"And that is why I stick to wine and gin," Sharon proclaimed, taking a swig of merlot to recover.
Jake gathered the shot glasses and stood. "Thank you, madams. I must now return to my humble pursuit. Shall I send the gentlemen a message?" He smirked at Sharon.
Sharon's eyes said that message should be something strictly along the lines of, "Thank you but fuck off." But she didn't say as much.
"Tell them to enjoy their evening." She said diplomatically. He nodded and returned to his place behind the bar.
Brenda busied herself by pouring out more wine into their glasses. She had the feeling she was about to need some more since once again, her curiosity was getting the better of her.
"You're going to ask me something." Sharon said flatly.
"Oh, yer psychic now, too?" Brenda replied.
"No, but you're pouring more wine. And you've got that look in your eye."
"What look?"
"Just ask already." Sharon said, taking a sip but never taking her eyes off of the blonde.
Brenda chewed her lip for a moment then looked up to Sharon. "What did he mean when he said he knew you wouldn't be interested?"
"You mean other than the fact that I'm out with a friend and not trolling the bars for a mate?" Sharon deadpanned, leaning further back into the booth. She looked ridiculously comfortable even as the Chief was squirming. Perhaps even because she was squirming.
"I suppose that could be it." Brenda said, feeling off-put. She continued anyway. "Is it?"
Sharon took a sip and set her glass down. "Not strictly, no."
Brenda didn't say anything, she just stroked the stem of her glass and waited.
"Let's just say my preferences do not extend in their direction and leave it at that."
Brenda nodded, her cheeks heating a little. "You were married weren't you?" She bit her tongue too late. Sharon had said to leave it at that, but then Brenda had never been one to follow instructions. She'd been breaking rules since she was three years old and her momma had told her, "Just one piece, Brenda Leigh."
"I was." Sharon didn't seem to be threatened by the continued interrogation. She seemed rather amused by the whole thing. Brenda kept her mouth shut and took another drink, avoiding the woman's eyes.
"It's all right. You can keep asking." Sharon said. She leaned closer and dropped her voice into a lower register. "I know you want to." Even as the woman leaned back in her seat, Brenda's head spun a little. And not simply from the alcohol.
"Okay," Brenda tried, steeling herself. "You were married to a man – had kids, a family. When did you–" She met Sharon's eyes then and found herself lost. The woman was looking at her like she did when looked at chocolate. And the effect wasn't altogether unpleasant. Especially with the slight buzz tingling through her veins.
Sharon quirked an eyebrow as she waited for the question that wouldn't come. She finished Brenda's thought for her. "When did I start playing for the other team?"
Brenda flushed.
"I've been attracted to women my whole life, I just eventually realized I also actually preferred women to men. Not that I didn't love my husband when we were married. I did. But things didn't work out. I had a beautiful family in spite of that. And I've dated women almost exclusively ever since." Sharon said, completely at ease, utterly unabashed by it all. She took a long sip of wine.
Brenda still wouldn't meet her eyes.
"I hope I haven't offended your sweet, Southern sensibilities." Sharon's tone was playful, but with a lingering slip of doubt, as if a part of her feared Brenda might just get up and leave right then.
Brenda locked eyes with the woman, wanting to clear the air and leave no room for misunderstanding. "You're going to have to work harder than that to offend me." She smirked. "You are full of surprises, though."
Sharon's eyebrows raised at that and a lazy smile spread to her face. The woman's features darkened as her gaze jumped to the space above and behind Brenda.
Brenda turned to look at their new audience, cursing the regular interruptions in what was quickly turning into the most interesting evening she'd had in a very long time.
"What can we do for you, gentlemen?" Sharon said. The men may not have been able to hear the dark undercurrent in her tone, but Brenda heard the familiar chill quite easily. She was glad not to be the target of it anymore.
"I'm sorry, I'm Ben and this is Aaron," he gestured to the man standing next to him. "We just wanted to see if you ladies enjoyed your shots."
"We did, thank you." Sharon said quickly, hoping desperately that the exchange would come to an end. She knew it wouldn't be that easy. Her face was drawn in a fake smile that was beginning to slip.
Ben looked from the women to his friend and back again. "We were also wondering if we could buy you another round, or if you'd like to join us." His smile was warm, his demeanour genuinely charming. If Brenda had been interested at all she might have said yes. But the company she was in was far more intriguing than some random, red-blooded male. And she was not enjoying the way Aaron was eying her companion.
Sharon was about to speak when Brenda pre-empted her. "You two seem awful nice – can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." Ben replied.
"The bartender – our friend Jake over there," she pointed in case they needed refreshing, "did he by chance tell you not to bother sendin' us drinks?"
"Yeah, he did," Aaron offered.
"Did he say why?" Brenda said sweetly. Sharon was watching the exchange with great interest, completely baffled as to where the Chief was headed.
"No, actually," Ben said, showing the first signs of cluing in.
"Well, it just so happens that I'm spoken for," Brenda said. Sharon's heart dropped. Then Brenda continued. She turned to the Captain and looked into her brilliant green eyes. "We both are, actually. Right, hon?"
Sharon tried to keep her eyebrows from jumping all the way up into her hairline. She trained her features into obscurity so as not to give them away. She grinned. "Absolutely spoken for."
Brenda slid a hand over Sharon's thigh, in full view of the two men. She looked back up to them with a respectful smile. "Sorry to disappoint."
"Oh! No, I mean, we didn't mean to assume anything." Ben said, his eyes widening in recognition.
Aaron stepped forward to help his friend. "I hope we didn't make you uncomfortable. You make a gorgeous couple." He offered genuinely. His face was a little red.
Sharon beamed. "Not a problem at all." She said.
"Well, you two have a great evening then." Ben said. The two men retreated back to their spot at the bar.
Brenda returned her attention the brunette. She made no move to lift her hand from Sharon's thigh.
"How'd I do? Do you think they bought it?" Brenda said, a cheeky sparkle in her eyes.
Sharon glanced at the bar. "Well they're still looking over here occasionally," she looked back at Brenda and realized just how close they were sitting. She swallowed lightly. "But yes, I think they bought it."
"Maybe we should make sure," Brenda's hand crept a little further along the thigh, curling inside further than a helpful friend would deign to wander.
Sharon's breath hitched and her temperature inched upwards. Sharon knew what she wanted to say, what she should say. "Chief, I appreciate what you're doing but that's not necessary." Anything along those lines. Unfortunately for – and in fact because of – her arousal, that was not what she said.
"Maybe we should."
Sharon barely had time to process her own vocalization before Brenda's lips were pressed to hers, the woman's mouth moving gently but confidently. Sharon lifted a hand up to Brenda's slender neck, snaking it under the waves of hair.
The kiss didn't last too long, just long enough to leave them both a little breathless. Sharon released her hold on the woman's neck. Brenda pulled her hand from Sharon's thigh.
Brenda maintained Sharon's gaze as she picked up her wine glass and took a long swig, drenching her dry throat in merlot.
"Anythin'?" Brenda said as she set her glass back down.
"I think we're clear." Sharon said. As much as she'd enjoyed the game, it was starting to raise her expectations a little too high. It was one thing to have feelings – physical and otherwise – for the headstrong Chief. It was quite another to have lofty hopes of real reciprocation.
Still when Brenda tilted her head like that, it was nothing short of adorable.
"Too bad," Brenda said, her lips curling deviously. She chanced a look at the bottle of wine, which she'd just noticed they'd done quite a number on so far. "God, we're a couple of lushes, ain't we?"
"It sure looks that way."
Conversation returned to the suitable afterwards. The two women finished the last of their wine and descended into idler and idler chats, all tinged with a bit of playfulness they'd never explored so fully before this evening. Sharon grabbed them each a glass of water eventually, preparing herself to drive Brenda back to her car. She checked her watch only as they were leaving, impressed by how much time they'd spent catching up.
On the way out, she blew a kiss to Jake who took a few steps like a running back and pretended to catch it with two hands, pocketing his invisible boon before waving her goodbye.
Aaron and Ben were still chatting amicably at the end of the bar.
"Night boys," Brenda drawled as she wove her fingers through Sharon's. They stepped outside into the cool air, the door swinging shut behind them, but Brenda didn't let the hand go until they were at Sharon's car.
The drive back was quiet, but comfortable. Brenda had a contented smile on her face; Sharon's was mostly unreadable. She pulled up next to Brenda's building – her new building Sharon thought, even though the woman had been working there for almost six months.
"Well here we are," Sharon said, as if the arrival needed clarification. She turned hesitantly to look at the Chief. Brenda was smiling at her again.
"I had a really great time, Sharon. I hope you did too."
"I did." She smiled in affirmation.
"Could we – I mean, if you're not too busy, would you mind doin' it again sometime?"
Sharon's brain cried out in lament, telling her just how many ways this could go wrong for her and just how dangerously close to the edge she was leaning. She didn't have time to be emotionally fragile. She didn't have the energy to moon over someone who was out of her reach and distinctly out of her orientation.
It wasn't often her gut won out over her brain.
"I'd like that. Give me a call whenever you feel like venting to a fellow lush," Sharon maintained her calm even though her brain was throwing a mild tantrum up top.
Brenda's wide smile didn't soothe it. Neither did it cease when the blonde leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on her cheek.
"Night, Captain."
"Night, Chief." Sharon managed. She watched the woman collect her purse and walk from the car, descending into the parking garage.
Sharon took a deep breath in and then released it in a sigh. She shook her head lightly, tried to calm her screaming brain, and finally gave herself permission to drive away.
