Title:
Starting Again
Pairing: Jack & Kate
Status:
One-shot/Complete
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or
ABC nor am I affiated with them in any way.
Summary: Set after SOS
(best Jate ep EVER) Kate & Jack haven't spoken since
bringing Micheal back to the hatch. Takes place a few days after &
starts off from Kate's side of things. Contains slight spoilers &
be warned this was written im my insomniac state late last night
while normal people were sleeping I was writing this so it could be a
little rough round the edges. Anyways hope you enjoy & please
review
The waves lapped gently by the shore & a
gentle breeze blew past her face as she stood in the same spot on the
beach where she'd been for hours. A million thoughts were swirling
through her head each one fighting to get to the front of her mind.
Sighing deeply she kicked the sand out of frustration. It had been a
few days since she'd gone on the trek into the jungle with Jack. A
few long days she quickly reminded herself but still the events of
that day were as vivid in her memory as if it had happened merely a
few hours ago & she couldn't help but smile as she
remembered.
"I'm sorry I kissed you Jack".
"I'm
not".
"I'm not" those two little words were the
thing that kept coming back into her mind. It wasn't exactly the
response she'd been expecting but she couldn't deny the fact that it
given her back the slight glimer of hope she'd been missing since
they'd first fallen out.
But now ever since things had been even
more awkward then they had been before. She had found herself finding
everyway possible to avoid him not because she wanted to, no, because
she was afraid that if she spoke with him again he might have changed
his mind. He might have decided that actually yeah he was sorry too &
that the kiss had just been a mistake to him & that alone would
have been worse then then anything else he could ever say or do to
her. So she avoided him. Everytime she found herself wanting to go
talk to him or just to see him she thought up some excuse of why she
couldn't. She always found a way out of it, another reason to keep
away. Despite her best efforts every now & then she caught quick
glimpses of him whether it was by the beach or the caves but
everytime she always managed to keep out of his sight. He never knew
she was there but a part of Kate wondered what he would do if he had
seen her. Would he come to talk to her or just simply blank her, act
as though she wasn't even there? She never gave herself the chance to
find out though & just accepted the fact that this was the way
things were going to be from now on. As much as it pained her to
remember one particular time stuck out in her mind.
She had just
come back from picking fruit in the jungle when she caught sight of
him standing by the shore & for a moment she stood there allowing
herself just to watch him while every part of her body screamed for
her to go talk to him. For a split second she was actually
considering it until she saw her, Ana, striding down the beach making
her way towards him. Her stomach suddenly dropped when she saw how is
face lit up once he saw her. Ever since she'd shown up Kate had felt
immedietly threatened. Up until that point she knew she had been
thought of as the heroine of the island. For once in her life people
looked up to her & for just that short time she felt as though
maybe somehow deep down she was almost good enough for Jack. But then
Ana appeared & things suddenly changed. Even though she had
killed Shannon, one of their people, everyone turned to her for
leadership. She was the cop after all, she had killed one of the
others, she was everything Kate wasn't. She stood for a minute
torturing herself watching as Jack laughed & joked with Ana, the
way he used to laugh & joke with her & it killed her. She
knew she had messed things up, the way they were now was completely
her own fault. There was no-one to blame but herself.
"Hey",
a voice spoke up gently behind her breaking through her
thoughts.
Hearing him speak she held her breath. She knew
instantly it was Jack & for a split second she thought she felt
her heart stop.
"Hey", she said shakily refusing to
look him in the eye, panicking she tried to figure out what to do
next. One half of her was screaming for her to stay, to just sort
things out once & for all but the other part was telling at her
to go, just turn around & go. She'd done it before why not do it
again? Battling both sides of her for a minute she tried to ignore
the fact that he was looking intently at her waiting to see what she
was going to do. Going with all she knew & all she was she
quickly wiped away the hot tears that were forming at the corner of
her eyes threatening to spill at any minute & with an aching
heart she told him,
"I em...I have to go...", &
quickly bent down to pick up her shoes.
"You're gonna run
again?", he said coldly.
For a second she stopped letting his
words pierce through her. She could hear the disappointment in his
voice & she did everything she could to stop herself from
breaking down.
"I'm not running", she said quietly still
with her back to him.
"How long more are you going to avoid
me for?"
"Me avoid you?", she spat suddenly turning
around to face him. "I don't remember you coming to see me. Why
should I be the one to come sort things out?"
"You're
the one that wants to pretend like nothing happened. Your the one
that's...sorry", he answered bitterly shattering Kate's already
broken heart.
She said nothing for a minute just stared, stared
at the man she so desperately wanted to love but fought off every
urge she had as hard as she could. She wished for nothing more at
that moment then for Jack just to turn & walk away. That would
have to hurt less then the betrayed look in his eyes that she
couldn't tear herself away from as hard as she tried. But instead he
just stood there staring back at her refusing to be the one to walk
away first & give her what she wanted.
After what seemed
like a lifetime Kate found the strength to speak up first.
"I'm
not sorry", she whispered softly.
"About what?", he
asked gently determined not to hurt her anymore then he already
was.
"About the kiss. I told you I was sorry but...i'm not. I
wanted to kiss you that day in the jungle".
"Then why
did you say you were Kate? I just don't get you sometimes", he
told her wearily rubbing his forehead.
Kate sighed loudly &
said nothing for a minute. Knowing this was going to take her a long
time to explain she dropped her shoes again & plonked herself
down in the sand hoping Jack would do the same. After a few seconds
consideration he sat down beside her eager to hear what it was she
had to say.
"I said I was sorry because...because I thought
it would be easier. I thought maybe if that's what you believed then
things could go back to way they were. We could go back to being
friends. I hated the way things were between us. Everytime we were
around each other there was this horrible tension & when I wasn't
with you I missed you. I missed not being able to see you & not
just being able to talk like we used to. For the first time on here I
felt completely on my own. I was surrounded by people every day but
it wasn't the same. When you asked me to go on the trek with you I
thought things would change & we could start again. Telling you I
was sorry that was my way of fixing things. I never expected you to
say you weren't sorry I just assumed you'd agree with me".
"I
gave the wrong answer so?", he laughed gently.
"No...not
the wrong answer, just different to what I expected", she
smiled.
"So why have you been avoiding me then the last few
days?"
"I thought...I was afraid that maybe you might
have em...", she mumbled struggling to get the words
out.
Suddenly it dawned on Jack just what it was she'd been afraid
of, "You thought I might change my mind, decide I wasn't
sorry?", he asked softly.
"Yeah...", she mumbled
looking down at her hands.
"Hmmm", he said quietly
nodding his head. Kate waited for him to speak again, give her
something more, anything, but that was it. That was all he
offered.
Kate suddenly felt completly deflated again. Hmmm? That
was it that was all she was getting? Hmmm? Deciding she had
humiliated herself more then enough & not wanting to be around
him anymore with a heavy heart she dragged herself up & went to
pick up her shoes again.
"Wait where are you going?",
Jack asked her grabbing her by the arm.
Trying to wriggle out of
his grip "You got your explanation, now let me go", she
said harsher then she meant too.
"So that's it. You don't
want to hear what I have to say?"
"You've already said
all you have to say. I get it Jack you don't need to tell me
anymore".
"Well i'm glad you get it Kate, would you like
to explain to me what it is?"
"Jack i'm sick of
all these games. It's constantly hot & cold with you. I've just
opened up my heart to you & all I get is a lousy hmmm? I don't
know why I even bothered now let me go", she spat & with one
hard tug she yanked her arm out of his grip.
Jack stared at her
for a minute completely unaware of what to say. She's officially lost
it he thought to himself & before he knew it she was storming off
down the beach in the opposite direction absolutely seething. It took
Jack a minute or two to get his brain working again & quickly
coming to his senses he tore off after her.
"Kate, hold on.
Will you just wait for one second".
"What is it Jack?",
she spat swinging around to face him. "Do you want to add an oh
or I see to your pathetic hmmm? Is that it, is that what you want to
tell me?"
Despite his best efforts to stop it Jack erupted
suddenly into a fit of laughter. This only made the situation worse.
Kate tensed up even more then Jack thought was humanly possible &
clenced her fists so hard she almost drew blood. Her breathing became
increasingly more erractic & her eyes went cold & narrowed as
she watched him laugh at her expense.
"Well i'm glad you
find this all so amusing Jack", she said darkly & shot him
another disgusted look before turning on her heel & attemping to
flounce off again but Jack reacted quicker this time & grabbed
her firmly by the shoulders holding her back.
"Kate, hold on
a second. Just hear me out ok?"
She said nothing but she
didn't struggle this time either so taking it as his chance Jack
began,
"Ok first of all Kate I haven't changed my mind. I'm
still not sorry about the kiss & if I had the chance to do it
over the only thing I would change was the fact that I let you run
off. The only reason I avoided you at all after was because all of a
sudden Sawyer had become like your shadow & everytime I even
tried to come see you he was aways there with that stupid smirk on
his face".
As she listened to him speak Kate couldn't help
but smile as she saw that same adorable look on his face he'd make
everytime he ever mentioned Sawyer's name.
"Anyway after a
while I was so sick of the way things had gotten between us I tried
talking to you again. Things suddenly started going right between us
so I thought that by asking you to come on the trek with me we might
finally go back to the way things were before. But then just as I
thought things were back to normal you tell me your sorry for kissing
me & spend the next few days avoiding me. It took me a while to
build up the courage to come talk to you again but when I do the next
thing you've decided is that your not sorry for kissing me after all
& just as things are almost back to the way we were you suddenly
change again & you start ranting about me hmmming at you &
storming off down the beach".
Kate stared at him for a moment
taking in what he'd just said before suddenly bursting out laughing
realising how stupid she must have looked.
"I'm sorry Jack
i've been acting like a lunatic", she managed to get out between
peels of laughter.
"It's ok Kate I never thought you were
that normal to begin with anyway", he teased & got a swift
dig in the side for his troubles.
Placing his hands firmly on her
shoulders he looked her in the eye & said seriously,
"Ok
Kate tell me honestly. Are you sorry or not for kissing me? I just
need to know one way or another"
Controlling her laughter she
looked up him & for a minute she allowed herself get lost in his
eyes. She had never noticed before just how beautiful & alluring
they were before.
"Kate?", he spoke nervously snapping
her out of her thoughts.
"What?...I...oh", she stammered
& blushed realising just how long she been staring.
Recovering
quickly she suddenly remembered his question & smiling shyly she
told him truthfully, "No. No i'm not. Not even the tiniest
bit".
Jack smiled broadly & letting his hands fall from
her shoulders he caught hers intertwining her fingers delicately with
his. Kate tensed up ever so slightly for a split second before
quickly relaxing again & relished the feel of his touch. Bringing
his lips down to her he grazed them gently before pulling away
nervously just to get confiramtion that this was what she wanted too
but the look on her face told him all he needed to know. Letting go
of her hands again he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her
in closer & captured her lips again. Kate reached up placing her
hands softly on either side of his face & in that one moment
everything suddenly fell into place. They had both finally got what
they'd been wanting their whole lives, a new beginning & despite
the voices telling them that this was a mistake & to end it now
before someone got hurt they pushed those negative thoughts away
because something deep inside them told them that from now everything
was going to be all right.
FIN
Voila there we!! go please review & tell me what you think xxx
