Warnings/Disclaimer: Current ShiroIchi, past GrimmShiro, mild angst, mostly just some boylove fluff in this chapter. Some unwanted kisses in the next chapter and some punches thrown in too, also some more unbearable fluff in last chapter. Oh, I also made Ichigo mostly OOC and feminine-like. Don't hate! Disclaimer is I own NOTHING except the plot.


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Help Me Remember You

First – Forget

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Shiro shot up with a gasp, his pale hands clenching the blanket bunched up on his raised knees as he breathed in and out deeply, trying to calm himself from the nightmare that had plagued him for years. It had just made a vicious return trip back into his subconsciousness.

''Shit.'' The albino male cursed quietly under his breath, pale yellow eyes staring down at his feet swaddled in the blanket. The glow of a passing car lit Shirosaki's pale features briefly before shrouding them in darkness again as the car's headlights moved on. Shiro sighed, closing his eyes and bringing one barely trembling hand up to scrub it over his face roughly.

He heard a soft rustling of sheets beside him and reopened his eyes to look down to see his sleeping boyfriend shift to a more comfortable position. The pale man smiled fondly, reaching over and lovingly stroking his lover's vivid orange hair before withdrawing the appendage once more. Shiro slowly pulled the blanket off of him and even more slowly climbed out of the bed as to not wake Ichigo. The white haired male looked back over his shoulder and saw the younger man stay soundly asleep. The albino silently padded out of their shared bedroom and into the living room where he sat quietly on the cream-colored leather couch. Heaving a sigh, Shirosaki leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, staring blankly at the white, stain free carpet between his bare feet.

I can't even remember my dream, he thought bitterly, and yet, I always knew what it's about; Grimmjow...

The man had been Shiro's previous lover before Ichigo, and the albino had loved him as dearly as a young college student could, but the teal haired man had just vanished without a trace one day and remained missing until this day. It disturbed Shiro. He didn't know if Grimmjow was alive or dead. He'd waited three long years in vain hope for the male to reappear, but he never did, and a body was never found, any news never heard.

Shiro had grieved, but eventually moved on, but guilt lurked in the corner of his mind. Could he have waited longer? What if Grimmjow did come back, only to find Shiro that had moved on? Would Grimmjow forgive him? Did Grimmjow still love Shiro? What had happened to him? And the question that haunted Shiro the most: why could he barely remember Grimmjow? Over the years, specific details about Grimmjow had faded from Shiro's memories and now the only things Shiro could remember about Grimmjow were his name, face, the color of his hair, and the love he had felt for the man. Why was he slowly forgetting someone emotionally important from his past?

''Shiro?''

The albino's head jerked up in surprise at hearing the smooth, sleepy lilt of a voice murmur his name questioningly. Ichigo was standing just outside the living room carpet, wearing an oversized t-shirt of Shiro's and sleepily rubbing over his eyes with one hand. Shiro smirked briefly at the adorable picture and also at how the shirt raised dangerously high on the orange head's bare thigh.

''Shi,'' Ichigo murmured sleepily, dropping his hand and peering at the albino curiously through the dark. ''What's the matter? Why are you out here?'' The younger male asked, not yet entering the room.

Shiro smiled reassuringly up at his boyfriend. ''Nothin', love. I'm okay. Did I wake ya?'' He murmured softly, absently interlocking his pale fingers and twisting slightly, feeling his knuckles briefly pull from their sockets before sliding painlessly back in place. Ichigo had only recently broken him of the habit of cracking them.

The beautiful orange haired male shook his head. ''I was cold.'' He explained shyly, padding into the room and gracefully sinking onto the couch next to the older man, impossibly long legs tucked underneath him comfortably and leaning slightly against his boyfriend.

Shiro smiled warmly at his current lover. ''Ya should go back t' bed, Ichi. Ya gotta get up early tomorrow.'' He reminded gently, reaching over and affectionately tucking some wild stray orange hair behind Ichigo's ear.

The younger male looked sadly up at him from his position on the albino's shoulder. ''Shi, tell me. Please?'' Ichigo pleaded quietly, surprising Shirosaki. The orange head must have seen his surprise because he reached over and stroked Shiro's cheek with another sad smile. ''You looked like you were in such pain.'' Ichigo whispered, shining bronze orbs gazing directly into widened gold. ''Tell me what's hurting you. Please Shiro?''

The albino reigned in his surprised look and replaced it with his usual grin, although he knew it wouldn't fool his empathetic boyfriend in the least. "It doesn' matter, Ichi. I'm fine, really." Shiro insisted as Ichigo gave him another doubtful look.

The orange head sighed and suddenly wrapped his arms around Shiro's neck and cradled the older man's head to his chest. "You're not fine, Shiro. Whatever is bothering you, it's eating you up inside." Ichigo whispered into the pale man's ear while soothingly petting snowy white tresses with one delicate hand.

Shiro's eyes fell half lidded and he lifted his hands to grip Ichigo's forearm that was draped over his collarbone, letting himself be comforted. The room was silent except for the sound of their soft breathing and the unnaturally loud ticking of the clock that could be heard from the next room. Ichigo didn't speak either, continuing to soothe the albino from a trouble the orange head didn't know.

''His name was Grimmjow.'' Shiro suddenly spoke, so softly that Ichigo almost didn't hear it. ''We were together in college an' I loved him. A lot.'' The albino whispered, gripping Ichigo's forearm tighter.

The orange head remained quiet and continued to stroke his boyfriend's hair, silently urging him to continue.

''He promised me so many things, Ichigo. But he jus'... disappeared. I waited three years fer him t' come back, even though there was nothin'. Absolutely nothing!'' Shiro whispered vehemently, eyes closing as old wounds reopened and damnable tears began to threaten. ''He was jus' gone, Ichi. An' tha' was it. Should I have waited fer him longer? Why did he leave? Where did he go? Wha' if he comes back?'' Shiro asked question after frantic rhetorical question.

Ichigo still didn't say anything, but shifted so that now sat in Shiro's lap, hugging the albino around his neck and purring softly into his distraught lover's ear to continue soothing him.

Shirosaki hugged him back tightly around Ichigo's waist. ''I don' love him anymore.'' The older male said firmly, no uncertainty anywhere in his voice whatsoever. ''I jus' love you now, Ichi. I've gotten over Grimmjow an' moved on with ya. But I'm forgetting him, Ichigo.'' Shiro whispered frantically in his boyfriend's ear. ''I want t' remember him cuz he was important t' me then but I'm losin' him! I don' know why but I can barely remember him. What if there's somethin' wrong with me, Ichi?'' The older man sounded terrified and it pulled at Ichigo's heart strings. Shiro's next words stretched them agonizingly.

''Wha' if I forget you? I don' wanna lose you too, Ichigo!" Shiro keened in anguish, unconsciously beginning to rock them back and forth.

He had finally realized his true nightmare. It wasn't about Grimmjow vanishing. It about the possibility of him forgetting the people he loved. Like Ichigo. Did Grimmjow really vanish? Or was it just from Shiro's eyes? What if he really was there, but Shiro just didn't see him? What was wrong with him?

"Nothing!"

The albino didn't realize he was frantically speaking his thoughts aloud until he heard Ichigo's vehement denial to his last question.

"There's nothing wrong with you." Ichigo repeated firmly, drawing back to peer into Shiro's tormented eyes. "You won't forget me, Shiro. I won't let you."

Shiro suddenly kissed him, but Ichigo wasn't surprised and instead kissed back passionately, weaving his fingers through the albino's thick white hair as their tongues battled fiercely. Shiro was the first to draw back and he stared desperately into Ichigo's deep brown eyes. ''Don' let me forget, Ichigo. Help me remember you.'' The older male pleaded, hugging his boyfriend desperately tight.

''Always.'' Ichigo promised.


It was a few weeks after Shiro had confessed his troubles to Ichigo, and things were slowly starting to look better. He hadn't had that dream again since that night and he hadn't forgotten anything about Ichigo either. Maybe he was overreacting but there was no way that he was ever going to forget Ichigo like he had with Grimmjow.

Currently, Shiro was walking down the street, slender hands stuffed into his coat pockets with a small grin on his features, golden eyes half lidded with lazy contentedness. Hanging around his wrist was a small plastic store bag with a jewelry store's logo on the side of it. It was an anniversary present for Ichigo. At around six o'clock tonight, he and Ichigo would be together for five years now. The gift was a sterling silver ring with an intricate engraved pattern on the outside metal. The words ''I'll never forget you'' were carved intricately elegant on the inside.

Symbolic and a little corny he knew, but he also knew Ichigo would love it. He smiled briefly when he imagined Ichigo opening the gift and briefly spared some time to wonder what his boyfriend might have gotten him. Last year, it had been a gorgeous gold bracelet for Ichigo and a shining silver Rolex for Shiro. The albino grinned and looked down at the gift he was thinking of, seeing it still around his other wrist. It had the words "Love you forever" on the underside of the watch. We really love to spoil each other, he mused happily, with no limit to the fondness that welled in his chest.

Blissfully deep in his thoughts, the albino turned the street corner and accidentally walked right into someone. Shiro had bumped into countless people on this particular corner as it was on his way home so he didn't think twice about apologizing and continuing on his way without even looking at the person he'd bumped into. It was his fault anyways, not even watching where he was going, looking down and all.

"Sorry." He apologized quickly and stepped around the person but was surprised when they grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Shiro turned back quickly, his mouth open to snap at the person for their grabbiness but froze when he saw their leering face.

"G-Grimmjow…?"