WARNINGS: I'm a bad judge on this, so If you guys think it needs to be updated to M, please tell me. Later chapter get pretty violent; i.e. Torcher scenes alluded to.

A/N: I swear this started out as a fluffy one-shot. Now I'm at 20,000 words and its the goriest, angstyest thing I've ever written. It's fun though. Gonna try to release a chapter a day, 1-7 are done. As always, ideas and input are welcomed!

This had to be the most boring thing Merlin had ever had to sit, or more accurately stand, through. He was standing dutifully beside the throne while two peasants from the lower town argued with each other before the King. He could tell Arthur wasn't paying much attention either, his eyes having a glassy film to them, but he had been trained from birth to mask his emotions and was doing a good deal better at concealing his boredom.

"It was your goat! You should have to pay for the damages!" One of the men practically screamed at the other.

"Well if you hadn't let him loose, he wouldn't have damaged anything!" replied the second. The two men glared at each other, loathing coming off their persons in waves.

"Wait, you released his goat?" Arthur asked the first man, confused.

"He did!" The second man interrupted before the first could answer the question "your majesty he hates me, and has tried to murder my goat on serval occasions. He deserves every bit of damage my Betsy did!"

The first man colored in the face and immediately got defensive.

"My lord that is a lie! I….."

Arthur wanted nothing more than to roll his eyes and kick out the pair of them. But he was king, and as king he had to appear wise and patient, even if he was neither of these things. His wandering gaze landed on Merlin. The manservant was fidgeting around, shifting his weight from foot to foot and looking every bit as bored as Arthur felt. He looked skinny (skinnier than normal, that is) and Arthur frowned with concern. An outbreak of some mystery disease had struck a nearby village, so Gaius had been sent to help with Sir Gwaine as an escort. They would only be gone for a few days, but it meant Merlin wouldn't have a meal waiting for him at the end of the day. Arthur made a mental note to sit him down and force him to eat later.

He had to suppress a sigh as he thought about how utterly hopeless his manservant was. The boy couldn't take care of himself if is life depended on it and often showed little to no regard for his own wellbeing. But, it didn't matter because Arthur was resolved to look after him, even if that meant force feeding him once and a while. It was his responsibility. He supposed they balanced each other out in that way.

Suddenly there was a tremor throughout the hall, shaking the chandelier and rattling the windows.

"What was that?" Gwen asked from her own throne on Arthur's other side. The King was almost thankful for the mysterious interruption (anything to stop the incessant arguing over a goat). However the feeling of relief was temporary as there was another shake to the room and suddenly Morgana was standing before him flanked by seven men dressed all in black with black masks hiding their faces.

"Hello Brother." She said with an arrogant smirk. The peasants stopped their arguing and moved to cling to the walls with the nobles, as far away from the witch as they could get. Arthur and the knight's present drew their swords, Mordred with a sad look at the woman before him.

"You are not welcome here Morgana." Arthur stated with deadly calm. The dark haired witch laughed and snapped her fingers. It was a signal to the masked sorcerers; they disappeared into black smoke then reappeared behind Gwen and each of the knights holding long knifes at their throats.

"Drop the sword Arthur." Morgana demanded, a gesture of her hands making it clear what would happen if he didn't. Arthur reluctantly did as he was told, and as soon as the sword left his hands a masked intruder bound them together behind his back.

"Relax Arthur." Morgana cooed as he struggled with the bonds, for a moment sounding like her old self. "I'm not here for you."

Startled, Arthur glanced around, looking for who or what she might be after. He saw Merlin, standing exactly where he had been, staring at Morgana with an angry expression. Somehow, she had overlooked him (probably thinking he wasn't much of a threat) and he was without a magical guard. Arthur wanted to scream out for the other man to run, but was afraid of drawing Morgana's attention to him. Despite this, the witch's eyes gravitated to Merlin.

Morgana strutted up to Merlin until they were standing about a foot away from each other, looking eye to eye. They stared at each other, not saying anything until Merlin finally broke the silence.

"You know, don't you?" He whispered with a resigned sigh.

"I know." She confirmed with a curt nod. Arthur glanced around at Gwen and the knights to see if any of them knew what was going on. They all looked as lost as he did, except Mordred, who was watching the pair in the center of the hall with a growing horror.

"You could have helped me." Morgana stated in a whisper that mirrored Merlin's, and Arthur was struck by how truly odd that was. Every time he had seen her since her betrayal, she had been angry or gloating, at least confident. But confident was the last thing her expression projected.

"I'm sorry." Merlin said with a deep sincerity that confounded Arthur even more. What on earth did Merlin have to be sorry to Morgana about?

Morgana for her part took the apology with wide eyes that were barely holding back tears. She looked like she was about to say more, but then looked away shaking her head. When she looked back at Merlin her familiar expression of rage was once again contorting her beautiful features. She brought a hand up and slapped Merlin hard across the face.

"I don't want your apologies." She sneered, pushing him away. Arthur fought hard against his bindings

"Leave him alone!" He yelled at his sister, hopping to distract her from the defenseless manservant. It worked, and Morgana looked at him with wide eyes as if she'd forgotten he was even there. Suddenly she broke out into an earsplitting grin.

"Oh, but you don't know, do you?" She asked mischievously with a glance over her shoulder at Merlin "He doesn't know, does he?"

Merlin couldn't hope to conceal the fear that was raging through him. Arthur couldn't find out now, not like this!

"Maybe I should show you." She told Arthur with a wink, then pulled out a beautiful ornate dagger, the same one he had once given her for her birthday so long ago. She gave him an evil look, then flung the dagger straight at his heart.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Arthur registered hearing Gwen and a few of the knights call out in terror, but his eyes were fixed on Merlin so he got a full show when the manservant threw out his hand and his eyes turned bright gold; freezing the dagger inches from the king's chest.

Arthur felt like he was going to be sick.

Morgana cackled, clapping her hands together with glee and then mock applause.

"Well done, Merlin." She said "Not even an incantation, you must be more powerful than I thought."

Merlin refused to look at Arthur, terrified of what he might find there. Instead he glared at the gleeful Morgana. If she thought this was the extent of Merlin's powers, she obviously hadn't figured out that he was Emrys yet. The question that had been bugging him since the moment she walked in bubbled to the forefront of his mind.

"How did you figure it out?"

The witch's most annoying smirk was back as she gestured to the dark figures she'd brought into the hall.

"The men you see before you are the Assassins of Arisine, legendary for their mastery of the most deadly magic's. I sought them out as a way to be rid of my brother here and they showed me how to scry on my enemies. They can see when a person has magic you know. But the interesting thing is that they also told me of a druid prophecy about Arthur; the prophecy of the once and future king."

She cocked her head at Merlin, studying him carefully.

"Is that why you do it? The prophecy? Is that why you would betray your own kind?" Morgana asked, and she seemed almost as desperate to understand as Arthur felt. Merlin didn't answer her, but continued to stand straight backed and regal, oozing defiance.

Morgana reached out and grabbed the collar of his jacket, dragging him close until their faces were close together again.

"Arthur hates magic. As he now hates you. He will never repeal the ban!" She taunted him, as if she were explain the simplest fact to a delusional child.

He hates you, Arthurs mind whirled at Morgana's words and he barely heard what was said after as his conscience bit at the vile statement, at how utterly wrong it was. He tried to convey with his eyes how false her words where, if Merlin would only look at him. But then he remembered what was happening, how Merlin had lied to him, and he wondered for the briefest of seconds if it was so false after all. He was so caught up in his internal struggle with his feelings, that he almost missed Merlin's answer.

"I know." Merlin spat back at her with hard eyes, then his whole body slumped. He cast a defeated gaze at the floor, the opposite direction of Arthur.

"I once had faith in the prophecy, but that ended a long time ago."

Arthur vaguely registered the gasp of shock that came from Mordred and glanced at the young knight. He was staring at Merlin with a newfound dismay that Arthur didn't quite understand.

But Merlin wasn't done.

"I don't care anymore." He whispered quietly, yet the whole hall seemed to hear. "I don't care about the prophecy, I don't care if Arthur ever brings magic back. It doesn't change anything. I will still protect him until my last breath."

He spoke with such quiet conviction and resignation, as if he didn't have a choice in the matter. His words reminded Arthur of another time, when he'd said something similar.

I'm happy to be your servant until the day I die he'd said. Except he didn't look happy now. He looked like this fact made him sad, like it was hurting him, and Arthur realized that it was.

"You can't…"Mordred stuttered and all eyes snapped to him, but he didn't notice, emotional anger contorting his features.

"You can't really think that Emrys!" Merlin flinched at the word and Morgana's eyes went wide, but again Mordred took no notice "It's your destiny!

"Emrys!" Morgana hissed, and dropped Merlin like he was a hot poker. "No!" She half scream, "No you can't be! I've seen him, Emrys is an old man!"

The silence that echoed through the halls after her desperate declarations was broken by a soft, humorless chuckle that sounded horribly out of place. It took Arthur a few seconds to recognize the sound had come from Merlin. The warlock slowly raised his gaze to look at Morgana, a smirk donning his elfin features.

"Oh Morgana." He clucked at her, and Arthur was inexplicably reminded of a snake drawing back and giving one last warning before it struck. "You should have known better than to fall for a simple aging spell."

Morgana made an inhuman shriek of rage and shot a hand out in front of her, directing an enormous blast of blood red lightning straight at Merlin, who threw himself to the side and rolled out of the way just in time. A light appeared and started to glow in the palm of the masked sorcerer who held Arthur, getting brighter as the spell charged to release a destructive blast. Arthur flinched away, expecting his life to end with excruciating pain as the spell was fired at him….

But no pain came. Peeing open one eye at a time he was able to see the air directly in front of him shimmer from an invisible shield that had reflected the spell right back at the sorcerer. Arthur glanced over and caught sight of Merlin's eyes fading back from gold to blue, hand still extended in their direction. Both Arthur and the Assassin glanced down at the assassin's chest and witnesses a gapping, steaming hole where Arthur could see right through the man. The Assassins eyes widened in alarm before he toppled backward, dead. With another flash of his eyes, Merlin released Arthur from his bindings.

Morgana shrieked again and let loose another spell at Merlin, this one bright orange. The warlock spun with cat like reflexes and another shimmering barrier stopped the spell and it ricocheted up, disintegrating a part of the arch holding the ceiling up. Arthur's hands flew up to protect his head as the dust and debris rained down on him.

"Arthur!" Gwen screamed, her call for help getting the attention of both Merlin and Arthur. The king's stomach rose into his throat as he saw one of Morganas masked sorcerers holding his knife to Gwen's throat and getting ready to rake the blade across her tender flesh. He lunged for her, knowing he was much too far away to get there in time…

But then suddenly Merlin was there, his hand seizing the assassin's wrist, stopping the blade while his eyes stared menacingly over Gwen's shoulder at her attacker. He had been all the way across the room not even a second ago. Those eyes flashed gold once again and the man's blade turned bright red as if heated from the fires of a forge. The man screamed, dropping the blade and letting Merlin pry his arm away from Gwen. As soon as she was able, she fell out of his grip and scampered away as fast as she could, colliding with Arthur who had rushed to her side.

Merlin still stared at the man in his grip as the knife levitated off of the floor and embedded it's self in the man's heart.

The other five assassins seemed to finally realize that Merlin was the major threat in the room, and abandoned their hostages to coordinate a joint attack on the manservant.

Merlin's normally jovial face contorted with rage as the five men who moments ago had been threatening his friends advanced toward him. He raised a hand into the air, fingers spread wide and his palm open, and in once swift movement his eyes flashed gold and he clenched his hand into a fist with sharp finality. As one all five sorcerers' necks snapped to the side and they all fell to the ground, never to rise again.

Silence filled the hall as Morgana, Arthur, Gwen, the knights and the court all stared in open mouthed horror and the cold efficiency and power of the unassuming warlock before them. Never had any of them, not even Morgana, imagined such ruthless death being carried out so swiftly, least of all by Merlin.

Merlin's cold eyes drifted to Morgana and he slowly raised his hand at her.

"This isn't over." She warned and before he could cast his spell, she disappeared into a whirlwind of black smoke.

Silence returned and the tension in the air was palpable as all eyes seemed to be fixed on Merlin, mostly with fear. Merlin gulped, and looked finally to Arthur, who stood with Gwen tucked protectively under his arm. The king wasn't looking at him, he was gazing at the bodies that littered his throne room with open mouthed shock and revulsion.

"Arthur." Merlin choked out and made a staggered step in the king's direction.

"Don't!" Screamed Arthur and he acted with a warriors instincts shoving Gwen behind him and leveling his sword at the man he thought he'd known. "Don't come any closer."

Merlin froze in place and obeyed the king, not coming any closer, but his lips quivered and he swallowed hard trying to suppress the emotion that was trying to take over his body. He tried to call out his friends name again, begging for understanding. This time his voice came out broken and croaky. "Arthur."

"I SAID DON'T!" Arthur shouted, and his whole body shook. Merlin was suddenly reminded of the only other time he had seen Arthur that angry, when he had tried to kill his father. He unconsciously took a step back from the kings furry. They stared at each other, until Arthur looked away, his gaze once again falling on one of the bodies on the floor

"You killed them." Arthur accused after a few steadying breaths. "You killed them all, with just a wave of your hand."

"They were trying to kill you." Merlin inserted trying to apply some logic, some semblance of justification, and not only for Arthur's benefit. There was a growing revulsion building in the back of his own mind and the brutality of his actions.

"You….."Arthur said, trying to find the right words to communicate his disgust, his hurt, his pain and deal some of it back. He found them.

"You're a monster."

Merlin stumbled back, blinking as if he'd just been slapped. He stopped breathing and his mouth dropped open in horror. He had known for a long time that Arthur wouldn't accept him and his magic if he were ever discovered, but this was his deepest and darkest fears come true. Without being conscious of his actions, he dropped to his knees as if they had been kicked out from under him. His eyes swelled with tears as he gazed up at the man who was the closest thing he'd ever had to a brother.

"You don't mean that." He whispered, more trying to reassure himself than to convince Arthur. He had to believe he didn't mean it. At least for right now, so that he could compose himself enough to stand, to function.

"Yes I do." Arthur hissed. He glared at Merlin with a look the warlock had never seen before, but it distorted his features so that he suddenly looked very much like his sister and it broke Merlin's heart.

For Arthur's part, the emotions that swam through his veins were very clear. Merlin had betrayed him, and chosen to practice magic. He had chosen this, and because of it, Magic had corrupted his soul so that the man he had loved like a little brother had been destroyed and left a murdering sorcerer in his place. At that moment, Arthur hated the man before him. He hated him because he had murdered the man he loved.

"Magic is evil." Arthur declared annunciating each word. Of course it was evil! It had twisted the kindest, most loving heart he knew into a man whom he'd just witnessed kill seven people without blinking. "As are those who practice it. You are evil."

Merlin lowered his head, all hope for composer evaporating. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to be dead, for some merciful being to cleave his head from his shoulders and put him out of his misery. Yet the thought of Arthur being the one to end him scared him more than he could possibly say. He didn't want it to be Arthur. Anyone but Arthur.

Arthur was coming to similar conclusions as he felt the weight of the sword in his hands get heavier and heavier. Thoughts and images of Merlin laughing, Merlin smiling, Merlin glaring good-naturedly at him, fought their way unbidden into his mind to compete with the desolate and broken creature who kneeled before him with his neck exposed, waiting for Arthurs killing stroke.

"Get out." Arthur finally snapped, dropping his sword and turning away from Merlin. He used both hands to steady himself against the wall and let his head drop listlessly between them as he spoke. "You are fired. Take a horse, and ride as fast as you can. Be out of the kingdom by sun down or I swear to god no power on earth will stop me from ending your miserable life."

Merlin had slowly raised his head to look at Arthur when he spoke. At first he didn't understand. Get out? What was Arthur saying? Then he got it. He was being banished. Banished from Camelot and from Arthur. A panic rose in him, how was he supposed to protect Arthur if he was banished? He wanted to protest, to explain that he couldn't leave for Arthur's own safety, but Arthur wasn't looking at him and he was terrified to summon back the king's gaze, still haunted by the hate in the face of the man he had devoted his life to.

So instead he settled for bowing his head back down and choking out a strangled "Yes, My lord."

Two sets of strong hands seized his arms and dragged him to his feet. Merlin had quite forgotten that there were other people in the room while he was talking to Arthur. It was Leon and Percival that forcible turned him and led him out of the room. Their grip on his arms were firm and controlling, but not unnecessarily tight or hurting. Leon wouldn't look him in the eye, but Percival gave him a sad gaze as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.

Emrys Mordred's voice appeared in his mind. Merlin's eyes slid over to the boy's as he was guided out of the room. Mordred's eyes were red and he looked like he'd been crying. He looked lost.

How could you Emrys? How could you have lost faith in the prophecy and not tell me? You knew he would react this way?! You knew he would never repeal the ban?! Mordred's voice was angry and scared. He sounded very much like he had when they had first met, when he was still but a child. Merlin wanted to comfort him, to reassure him with the false promises he had constantly spewed that 'Arthur would come around' that 'one day they would be free'. He just didn't have any strength left for it. So he blocked out Mordred and let the knights lead him down to the stables.

Arthur took a few shuttering breaths after Merlin had been led out of the room before spinning around and attempting to storm out. He was stopped but Gwen's gentle hand on his arm.

She looked up at him with a terrified expression.

"Arthur, wait!" She cautioned, and Arthur was unsure if she was trying to get him to wait before leaving, or to wait before banishing his manservant from their lives forever. He wished to stay and talk about neither one, the second option already completed in his mind. So he gentle pulled out of her grasp and strode out of the room, stepping over the dead body of a sorcerer as he went.


Percival left them as soon as they were out of sight while Leon continued to lead Merlin directly down to the stables. The warlock walked with him in a daze. He'd been banished, and it didn't feel real. It was like some horribly realistic nightmare he couldn't wake up from.

"Wait, my things!" he exclaimed, suddenly realizing he had none of his belongings with him.

"When a person is banished, all of his or her personal belongings are forfeit to the crown." Leon said softly as they reached the stables.

Oh, of course. Merlin knew that. He'd just…forgot.

Percival joined them again, and he had with him a large travelling pack outfitted with food and a proper bed roll. He handed the items to Merlin, then began saddling the brown mare named Red whom he knew was Merlin's favorite.

"I can't take this!" Merlin said, startled. The items were obviously a much better quality than he had ever owned.

"We won't tell if you won't" Leon whispered, then eyed Merlin appraisingly. "You'll need a cloak." He then took his own red one off his back and folded it up. Merlin reluctantly reached out to accept it from him and Leon flinch away from his outstretched hand. Suddenly Merlin was fighting tears again.

"Why are you being kind to me?" He asked miserably, self-hate seeping into his soul. Leon steeled himself and looked Merlin in the eye, despite his obvious unease.

"You just saved my life and the life of my king from a mad woman and seven assassins. I figure you're owed some due for that." He said, managing a tiny smile at Merlin as Percival finished securing the supplies to the horse and led her out for Merlin to mount.

"Take care of yourself Merlin." The big knight said with kind eyes and gods bless him he managed to look like he really meant it. Merlin looked down at them both and couldn't help the few tears that escaped and rolled down his cheeks.

"Promise me you'll protect Arthur." Merlin commanded of both of them, needing to hear them say that he was not abandoning the king to be helpless. "And tell Gaius not to worry."

"Of course." Percival affirmed and Leon nodded.

"We promise."

Merlin nodded somberly to them both, realizing it might be the last time he ever saw them, the men who had become his friends despite their station differences. A wave of gratefulness washed over him, that he had had the privilege of getting to know those men, even if it had been for a short time and under the pretense of a lie.

Then Percival slapped the hind of the horse, who reared up startled. Merlin had little choice but to spear her on and he thundered off in a gallop, racing through the city streets, through the great gate in the lower town until he left the city completely and was able to disappear under the dark cover of the forest. Only then did he spare a second to reign in the horse and glance back at the castle he had made his home for the past decade.

A tear fell onto his cheek as he remembered Gaius, and Gwen and the Knights of the Round Table, he remembered Cook and Morgana (the early days) and even George.

But mostly he remembered Arthur, and it took everything he had not to put on a disguise and rush back to his Kings side. It was the look of hate at the end that finally made him turn away. No, he couldn't go back. He couldn't face that look again.

But neither as he going to leave Arthur magically defenseless either.


Arthur practically ran up to his room, not even noticing the startled servants who scurried to get out of his way. Some of them were concerned by the disturbed and distraught look on their beloved king's face, but most figured Merlin or the queen would comfort him.

He slammed the door behind him and raked a hand through his golden hair. This couldn't be happening, what he had just seen couldn't possibly have been real. He had just banished Merlin. Merlin!

A shot of panic raced through his heart at the realization that Merlin would be gone forever, that he would never see him again. The last image he would have of his dark haired friend would be the pitiful shadow of a person that had been kneeling on the floor before him.

But that was wrong. He would also be left with the image of Merlin standing over fallen bodies, his eyes glowing gold. The memory repulsed him because it was everything opposite of the Merlin he knew. His Merlin was goofy and smiling. His Merlin was clumsy and his only form of self-defense was his endearing personality. His Merlin was loyal above all else and all others. The man in the throne room had been cold and dangerous. He had broken the law and turned to magic, betraying everything Arthur and his father had stood for.

Arthur pressed his forehead against the cold window pane, struggling to control his emotions. He heard a clatter and watched as a lone figure, painfully familiar, took off in a full gallop through the lower town. The figure crossed through the gate and disappeared into the forest without looking back.

An instinctual fear rose in Arthur's gut the second Merlin was out of sight. What had he done? Merlin couldn't be out on his own! The idiot forgot to feed himself on a daily bases, there was no way he would last long without Arthur there to protect him!

But that had been the old Merlin, he reminded himself. This new Merlin was a sorcerer, and a deadly one at that. Arthur had seen the proof with his own eyes. He didn't need Arthur. Maybe he never had. It was this thought that hurt him like a blow from a poisoned blade, the wound festering the more he thought about it. How long had Merlin been betraying him? It couldn't have all been a lie, could it?

Part of him wished he had waited and interrogated Merlin before sending him away; asked him when exactly he had decided to sell his soul for power! A bigger part of him was glad he hadn't because he was terrified of the answers.

A sudden rage filled the king and in a fit of anger, he swept all the books and papers off of his writing desk. He kicked viciously at his chair, flinging it across the room and getting a stubbed toe in return. He aimed a punch at his armor, which was on precious display in the corner, when he caught sight of his refection. The man staring back at him was crazed, driven to insanity with anger and grief and for a second he saw both his father and his sister reflected in his features. He took a deep breath, horrified, and stepped back.

The only reason he could see his reflection in his armor was because Merlin had polished it earlier that day. He had done so lovingly and thoroughly, not missing a spot, and had displayed the armor with pride to Arthur. The king's eyes prickled at the memory.

He had called Merlin a monster, when in all reality the creature reflected back at him was probably more deserving of the tittle. He too had killed, and for far less noble reasons than the defense of others. Suddenly he desperately wanted to talk to his manservant, to ask what had driven him to this, what he had missed that had made his best friend so desperate as to turn to magic!

But Merlin was gone. And with the things Arthur had said to him, even if he begged Merlin still was unlikely ever to come back.

So Arthur collapsed to the floor of his destroyed bedchambers and cradling his head in his hands, he cried.