A/N: Contains Jal/Maxxie, Jal/Chris, very minor Maxxie/James and really, really minor Maxxie/Anwar, if you feel like it. Once again the pairing and genre (deathfic) were raffled. Ohh, and I just had to get River Phoenix in this ficlet.. gotta love Rio, no? (May he rest in peace.) Nevertheless, please drop a review ^^

Otherworlds

I know it's silly to fall for a gay boy but I did it anyway. I never told Maxxie about my feelings 'cause I knew it wouldn't make any difference. Well, now I know it certainly would have.
Speedball. James said it had been speedball.
"I'm like River fucking Phoenix." Those had been the last ever words to escape from his lips.

It's unbearable. First Chris and now Maxxie. My love seems to be an unlucky omen. Maybe I should just stop loving, become a bitter, old nun. Or just crawl up to some corner and starve myself to death. Go after my loved ones.
Chase Chris through the meadows of some otherworld, a place where you don't need pills or spliff to get high. Where you can touch the sky. A sky filled with foil balloons and parachutes. And our little, aborted baby would be there, too. Chris would teach him how to build with sugar cubes. But I'm afraid that wouldn't be enough for me anymore. I'd feel empty without Maxxie around.

It's horrible. He was perfect and I never told him that. I didn't tell him I loved him like he loved James. I was a coward.

Maxxie's otherworld must be different from Chris'. A white, wide place where snow falls down quietly. Beautiful, but never cold. He would look angelic, dancing in the snow with white feather wings on his back. Iridescent teardrops would drip like jewels from his crestfallen eyes. Not for me, though. For James, and for Anwar, too. But never for me. He is not for me. None of them is. That's why I have to keep on living in this godforsaken world.

Alone.