Hawk's Holiday.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters but I wish I did. Hasbro Inc owns them, and Devils Due Publishing is publishing their books. Don't bother suing me because suing broke people is so counter-productive. This story is set in the comic continuity.
Chapter 1: Headaches.
Conrad "Duke" Hauser was not having a good day. It started with him tripping over something when he got up, continued with him slipping and falling in the mud during morning PT, then he cut himself shaving, and then he got chewed out by his CO over some budget troubles. And it wasn't even 11:30 AM yet. Duke was sitting in his office dreading what the rest of the day was going to be like when the phone rang. He contemplated not answering it, but he figured that it would make things worse, so, with a reluctant sigh, he picked up the receiver.
"Duke here." He said.
"Duke? It's Lifeline. Could you come down to the infirmary for a moment, please? Psyche-Out and I need to talk to you regarding a somewhat delicate situation."
"Can't we discuss this over the phone?" Duke asked the Chief Medical Officer.
"I'd rather not, Duke. Like I said it is a matter of some delicacy. Not to mention urgent." Lifeline stated.
Sigh. "Ok, Lifeline. I'll be there in a few minutes."
5 minutes later, in the infirmary…
Duke walked into the infirmary office and met with Lifeline, the Joes' CMO, and Psyche-Out, the Joe Physiologist. They both looked a bit apprehensive about something. "This can't be good." Duke thought, a headache already starting to form.
"What's going on guys?" Duke asked.
"Well, we just finished up the quarterly psych evaluations on the whole team, and one member in particular has us worried." Psyche-Out replied.
"I thought you said Shipwreck was too far gone for anything short of a frontal lobotomy?" Duke tried to make a joke out of it, but the two Doctors' expressions brought him up short.
"Well, the thought had occurred, but this is a bit more serious, considering who it is. All things considered this particular member's, ah, problems, could have serious consequences for the rest of the team." Lifeline stated, while absently cleaning his glasses.
"So, who is it?" Duke's headache was starting to get worse.
Lifeline, and Psyche out fidgeted and hesitated briefly before Lifeline said: "General Hawk."
"Ah, ok," Duke's headache intensified. "Well he has been under a bit of stress. Nothing unusual, all things considered. What with running the show, and dealing with the bozos in Washington." "Ok, that was lame." Duke thought.
Lifeline thought so too. "I realize, he's been stressed out, but he has been getting more and more aggravated lately. A few of the other Joes have commented on it as well. Wide Scope thought that Hawk was going to shoot his dog, Lamont, after Lamont got, well, overfriendly with Hawk's leg. He tore a strip off of Alpine after discovering a few minor miscalculations in the monthly budget report. He threatened to send Daemon and Firewall back to prison when he discovered them downloading music videos while on duty. Not to mention blasting Mainframe for allowing them to do it. Beachhead got a bit worried when Hawk got a bit angry during a meeting and crumpled up a coffee cup and tossed it across the room before storming out."
"He tossed a Styrofoam cup across the room and this worries Beachhead?" Duke asked, incredulously.
"It was a ceramic cup." Psyche-Out replied.
"Oh. Anything else?"
"Yeah. Hawk caught Clutch and a few others from the Motor Pool, trying to pull off some ridiculous prank on the ladies, and, well I'll let you judge the results for yourself." Lifeline hit the intercom button, "Clutch? Could you step in here for a moment? Thanks."
Clutch, the head mechanic and driver, stepped into the office a minute later, wearing an unhappy expression on his face and a "Candy Stripers" apron over his coveralls.
"Hi Duke." Clutch mumbled miserably.
"Err, hi Clutch. Thanks for stopping by. Dismissed." Clutch shuffled out. "You want me to talk to Hawk about putting him back on duty?"
"Yeah, as a Candy Striper, he makes a good mechanic. But the point is Hawk is slowly going nuts, and it is starting to affect his performance. What happens if he loses it in front of a budget appropriation committee, or worse the Secretary of Defence or even the President?" Psyche-Out stated.
Duke winced. "Hawk would be drummed out of the service, and the Joes would be shut down. For good this time." This was really becoming a long day. His head felt like there were several dozen people doing the rumba in it.
"What do you want me to do?" Duke asked.
"Well," Lifeline reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a handful of travel brochures and handed them to Duke. "We want you to convince Hawk to go on a vacation."
"We figured as Second in Command, you would have a better chance of getting Hawk to agree with our request." Psyche-Out added.
Duke sat there and thought for a moment. "You will of course put this in writing?" he asked.
"Of course." They replied in unison.
"Good. I'll do it then." "And I'll be damned if I try to do this alone. I'm going to need help on this one." Duke thought.
"One last thing: do you have some Advil? I have one hell of a headache."
