A/N: Here's a new one-shot! I know it's perfect, there's no REASON you shouldn't review it…Who the hell am I'm kidding, you guys never listen to me, shit, you probably don't even read my stories! Anyways, it's another parody of one of my favorite shows, but slightly remixed. Can you guess what it's from? Check it, baby!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Nintendo related.
E! True Hollywood Stories:
Mario 3-on-3 Hoops
Luigi entered a plain white room and took a seat across from the famous news reporter Toadette Walters. "Thanks for letting come here today and tell my horrible story about playing basketball in the Bean Bean Kingdom." Luigi muttered, as he leaned back in his chair taking a sip of the hot cocoa sitting on the counter. "The biggest mistake I ever did, was challenging Prince Peasley to a game of basketball."
"Luigi?! What're you doing here?! I believe Toad Rathers is looking for you to complete your Waluigi interview." Toadette Walters cried. Luigi really didn't seem interested in Toad Hanson or Waluigi so he decided to just go into deep detail about the story. "Fine...let's hear your story." Toadette Walters sighed, knowing that Luigi wasn't about to give up.
Luigi placed his mug on the counter and wiped the residue from his moustache. "Well, after me and Mario defeated Cackletta and her deranged assistant Fawful, the people of the Bean Bean Kingdom were extremely grateful and we were invited to the annual Bean Ball." Luigi muttered, as he cued the long flashback.
Mario and Luigi wore their best tuxedoes as they entered the Bean Bean Castle with Toad, a guard Princess Peach, sent to keep and eye on everyone. "This is so amazing, I've never to been to the Bean Bean Kingdom before." Toad cried, looking around looking at all the important people. "Hey, isn't that Queen Bean?!" Toad cried, as a large green woman approached them.
Queen Bean was a bean of a great stature everyone in the Bean Bean Kingdom obeyed her orders. "Well, if it isn't the two plumbers I owe my life to." Queen Bean yelled, drawing attention to herself. "This whole ball is in your honor." Mario shook his hands trying to persuade Queen Bean it was no big deal, but she insisted upon it.
Luigi then interrupted his own flashback. "Man, you should of seen her. Queen Bean was like the size of two houses." Luigi cried, while spreading his arms trying to display her size. "I was like damn what have you been eating? Have you ever heard of Jenny Craig?!"
Toadette Walters then covered her mouth as she gasped. "That's horrible, Luigi, you're not suppose to talk about a woman's weight."
Getting back to the flashback Luigi noticed Prince Peasley standing next to a couple of Bean Guards. "You should of seen me on the court, I was dazzling. My J was like butter." Prince Peasley bragged, pretending to shot an air jumper. "I was in the trenches defending the paint like the mailman, Karl Malone. My D was so fierce, it was magical."
"I was like, yeah right, it's no way a man that dressed like that could ball." Luigi sighed, leaning back in his chair again looking at Toadette Walters. "Its no reason a grown ass man should dress like a Japanese schoolgirl. Anyway when he heard me laughing Prince Peasley had this weird look on his face. I was like, why are you getting so mad for? You know where you got that shirt from, and it damn SURE wasn't from the men department."
The young bean prince then turned toward Luigi with his mascara cracking, as he glared at Luigi shaking his head. "Oh, no, you didn't." Peasley muttered, as he stormed over. "Me and the Revolution versus you and your gang of Flunkies on the Bean Court! I'll make you eat those words, you maladroit." Prince Peasley then took off his royal glove, slapping Luigi with it sending glitter flying everywhere.
Luigi stared at Toadette Walters, shrugging. "I was like, what the hell?! Did he just me challenge to some fruity duel? But, you know me, I wasn't about to let him get away with that, so I scooped up Mario for my team. I added Toad, too, no one believes this, but the boy drops three pointers like rain."
Mario, Luigi, and Toad then changed into their sport's gear and headed for the Bean Court. "We were all ready to go, but when we got to the court we saw that Prince Peasley and his friends were still wearing the clothes from the party. I was like come on, how the in hell can you play basketball in platform shoes." Luigi muttered, slamming his fist against the coffee table.
Toad began laughing, loudly. "I guess it'll be the Shirts vs. the Fancy Pants." Prince Peasley didn't seem to like that statement and walked over to Toad slapping him with his glove sending glitter everywhere. "Awww...What the?! Its in my eye...its in my eye." Toad yelled, as he ran around the court in circles before crashing into a gate.
Suddenly, thick smoke entered the caged area and Prince Peasley crawled on all fours like a dog behind the basketball. "Its the Revolution, bitches." muttered Prince Peasley, as he began humping the basketball much to the chagrin of Mario, Luigi, and Toad. "You'll feel the full wrath of my balling skills, don't get lost in the sexiness that is Peasley."
Prince Peasley then waved the basketball around before inbounding it. "Alright, boys, we'll play, until one team has 21 points. Now run the play Hooligan Blue." Peasley then ran a pick in front of Toad, knocking him into the ground. "Shoot the J... SHOOT IT!" Prince Peasley yelled, as he watched one of his friends shoot a shot in front of Mario, who tried blocking it. "Nice hustle..." Peasley chortled, while grabbing a hand full of Toad's behind, lifting him in the air.
Toad seemed visibly upset. "Hey, I'm not on your team." Toad said, angrily. "So could you kindly remove your hand from my ASS! That's sexual harassment!"
Luigi interrupted the flashback once again as Toadette Walters jotted everything he said down. "You should of seen him he was like a professional player, I couldn't even stop him from driving into the paint." Luigi grumbled, looking at the ground.
Luigi tried to drive the basketball toward the rim, but Prince Peasley leapt about twenty feet in the air blocking the shot. "Get that trash outta here." Peasley muttered, swatting the basketball away, knocking Luigi to the ground. Prince Peasley immediately grabbed the ball and traveled down the court dunking on Toad.
Mario then tried inbounding the ball to Toad, but The cocky prince quickly intercepted him. After stealing the ball from Toad the talented Prince Peasley did a couple of tricks, before shaking Mario and dunking on him. "Check out the ups." laughed Prince Peasley, while wiping off his boots, sending a thick purple like dust everywhere. "Yeah! That's right! Eat my dust bitch." Peasley chortled, while Luigi choked on the dust.
Luigi then sat up in the chair, and sighed, loudly. "Man, I could of sworn, I saw his nuts through his spandex, as he slammed the ball down my bro's throat!"
The flashback then showed Mario with a face full of Peasley's genitalia. "WAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Mario shrieked, while flailing his arms.
After just scoring once again, Princes Peasley quickly stole the ball from Luigi. "Hahaha...Noob." the prince chortled, while heading down the court, he was running a fast break.
However, Toad was already standing at their rim. "It's time to put my Kobe on!" Toad then ran up to Peasley and tried stealing the ball, but Peasley quickly shake and bake him outta the way, knocking Toad down, Peasley then cockily dunked the ball in. "...Scrub." Peasley laughed, while slowly walking over to Toad. "Have at you." He then pulled out his fencing sword, and started jabbing at Toad's ass.
"AHHHHH!" shrieked Toad, moving his butt around, avoiding the strikes. "You fruitcake!"
"It was hot AND we were getting our asses handed to, by some girly looking men." Luigi muttered, covering his face, from the female Toad.
"Whew...it's kinda hot out here. Could I get a couple of water or something?!" Luigi muttered, while wiping sweat from his forehead.
Prince Peasley just stared at him. "Maybe after the game, you could refresh yourself in the purifying bubbles of the Chuckola Reserve." Prince Peasly then shot a jumper over Luigi, draining it in his face. "That's game...Fancy Pants wins." Peasley then gathered his teammates and left the court leaving Mario, Toad, and Luigi in a pool of sweat.
"So, what did you do after that?!" Toadette Walters asked with some hesitation.
Luigi then buried his face in his hands. "Well, we then headed to his house and ate waffles and grapes." Luigi really didn't really to talk about it, but he then took a deep breath and decided to divulge the secret. "It gets a little strange, but here we go..."
Luigi watched Prince Peasley placed a plate of waffles in front of him, Toad, and Mario. "Uh...that was a good game, man." Luigi muttered, while looking at his comrades with wounded pride.
However, Prince Peasley began shaking a bottle of Maple Syrup up and down like he was trying to jack off. "Too bad I can't say the same for you and your pack of flunkies." After popping the cap Prince Peasley sprayed thick maple syrup in Luigi's face, while biting down on his bottom lip.
Mario then turned and saw this "What the hell?!" Mario cried, loudly.
"Well, this was quite the interesting interview, I think it'll get good rating." Toadette Walters smiled, while motioning Luigi toward the door. "If you have anymore stories, please don't hesitate to come and tell me."
Luigi placed his hand in his pocket, while sighing. "Uhh...Whatever..."
The End!
