Disclaimer: Remus and Tonks belong to JKR. The storm, however, is mine. As is the headache…
Stormy Nights: Chapter One
Outside, a storm raged. The thin walls shook under the fierce gale. Rain lashed the windows. Inside, a man sat, staring into the dying fire. His book lay abandoned in his lap. He sighed, trying to calm the thoughts that raged through his mind, a mirror of the torrent outside. A young woman occupied his thoughts. How could he have fallen for her, of all people?
Remus ran a tired hand over his brow and sighed. For months now, she was all that occupied his thoughts. Well, not all, but a major part. Just something about being a werewolf kept any one other thing from completely filling his mind. But that was part of the difficulty with this situation.
Remus sighed again and gave up trying to interest himself in his book. He set it aside and slowly made his way into the kitchen. He could really use a drink. He got a butterbeer and sat at the kitchen table.
There was something about a stormy night that accentuates loneliness. This night was no different than the hundreds of other lonely, stormy nights that had haunted Remus in this drab house. Ever since meeting her, every stormy evening had been spent in a like manner. He couldn't escape these thoughts that ran endlessly through his mind when he was alone. An inner turmoil that couldn't be denied.
The turmoil began the night Tonks hinting to him of her feelings. He had been able enough to ignore her when she hadn't been in love with him. Remus knew he couldn't let her into his life. He would hurt her, unintentionally, but she would still be hurt, possibly killed. Remus tried telling her he wasn't interested, finally flat out telling her that they couldn't ever be anything. But it hadn't worked. Not oln her part, and not on his.
Remus started. A forceful knock found its way over the thunder and interrupted his thoughts. It sounded again, as if to hurry an answer. Remus pushed his half empty bottle away and stood to answer the door. Immediately, his breath caught. At the door stood the very girl who had occupied his thoughts just seconds ago. She was wrapped in a cloak, her vibrant hair wiped around her face in the fierce wind, eyes wide and teeth chattering.
"Tonks." He nearly whispered.
"Remus." She answered. "It's a bit… cold out here, if you know what I mean."
"Oh, right. Please, come in." Remus stepped back, holding the door open. Nymphadora Tonks entered, lowering her hood. "May I take your cloak?"
"Oh, yes." Tonks removed her cloak, handing it to Remus, who hung the dripping garment on a coat rack.
"Would you… would you like to sit?"
"Where?" Tonks looked pointedly around the bare entrance way.
"Right." Remus led the way into the living room, gesturing at the pair of armchairs by the fire. Tonks sat. "I'll just… build up the fire. You must be cold."
"Yes, that would be nice."
Turning away, Remus cursed himself. How was it possible that such a small girl had him so flustered? He took a few pieces of wood from the pile in the corner of the room and set them on the dying fire. A few tongues of flame flicked up.
"I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience."
"No, no, it's fine."
A moment of awkward silence ensued as Remus sat in the other armchair. Why was Tonks, of all people, being so quiet?
"Um… Can I interest you in a drink?" Merlin, he was bad at this.
"Yes, I suppose." And it didn't help that Tonks was uncharacteristically on edge.
He hurried to the kitchen, glad to have a reason to escape the living room where tension was building rapidly. A few minutes to compose himself would be a blessing.
A blessing that would not be granted.
"Um, Remus?" Remus started again. Tonks had followed him.
"Yeah?" He kept his back to her, trying to hide his unease.
"I need to talk to you."
"Would you like to sit?" Remus turned around and gestured to the kitchen table. He clapped his hands to turn the lights on as she sat. "So, er, what did you need to talk to me about?"
"About…" Tonks looked down, twisting her hands in her lap. "About us."
Remus' heart skipped a beat. He stared at the pink haired girl, completely dumbfounded. "U-us?" he stammered.
"Yeah, us- as in you, me- us." Tonks looked up, straight into Remus' eyes. He couldn't look away, however hard he tried.
"Wh-what about us?"
"Oh, please tell me you aren't that dense."
"Well, no, but what?" Remus sat down across from Tonks.
Tonks sighed, exasperated by Remus' apparent lack of understanding. In reality, he was not at all confused. Not about what Tonks was saying, anyway. He was trying to figure out how to tell her no. He could not, could not let her do this. It was fair to her, no matter the amount of pain he would cause himself by refusing her. "Remus…"
It was Remus' turn to sigh. "Tonks…I've told you before- you can't… You can't do this!"
"You can't tell me that!" Tonks said, in a hoarse, angry whisper. "I can't not do this!" A small tear escaped, running down her cheek. Remus couldn't take it anymore. He stood hastily, turning his back to her again. "Remus, you have no idea how hard these last few months have been for me. I can't do this any longer. Remus, I- I love you!"
"No, you have no idea." Remus muttered quietly to the wall.
"What?" Tonks sniffed, irritably wiping away the tears that kept coming.
"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't let you do this."
"But I don't know why!"
"I'm…" Remus began, and stopped. He couldn't say that. "You're too young."
"What?"
"I'm thirteen years older than you. I was at Hogwarts when you were born!"
"What does that matter? I've told you, I don't care! Can you really think I haven't thought this through over and over? Those little things, they don't matter to me, why should they matter to you?" Tonks was no longer sitting, but pacing back and forth behind Remus, who was standing at a counter, trying to keep himself under control.
"Still, I can't."
"Why?"
"You're young, you're very… very pretty, you have your whole life ahead of you, and, and I can't, I don't deserve you." He turned, though couldn't raise his eyes to hers, afraid of what he might find. Afraid that he might loose his nerve and give himself fully to the feelings he had for this girl. Afraid that she couldn't possible love him, not once she found out what he was.
"Remus, listen to yourself! You're being ridiculous. You know my line of work. You know how dangerous it is, especially with every thing going on. Now might be the only time I have. And I want you!"
"Tonks, sit down. Take a deep breath. Calm down. We need to talk about this responsibly. Like adults." Remus took a deep breath himself, sat beside her and actually looked in her eyes.
"But I'm not an adult, remember? I'm too young." Her eyes flashed dangerously, voice almost mocking. Remus swallowed.
"Tonks. There are reasons why I can't let you-"
"Stop talking about 'letting' me do anything. Despite what you might think, I am old enough to make this decision. I know what will make me happy."
"No, you don't! You don't know everything about me. You couldn't possibly imagine-"
"Than why don't you tell me?!" Tonks glared dangerously.
"I can't!"
"Why not?"
Remus sighed. "Fine. I'm..." Here he was, arguing with the girl he was in love with, who apparently loved him back, and he was about to reveal the secret of the century. A secret that would quite likely send her running, screaming as loud as she could. "I'm a werewolf."
A moment of silence. Then- "I knew that."
Remus' heart stopped. The room seemed to rapidly loose oxygen. "What?"
"I've known for months. And I don't care."
"What?" This time Remus really was confused.
"Do you really think it's hard to figure out why you disappear every full moon? And, granted, it took awhile, not much gossip gets to Auror trainees, but the news of your, er, departure from Hogwarts a couple years ago did finally get to me."
"And you still… you still want me?"
"Why else would I be here?"
Remus just stared.
"Remus- say something."
"Just give me a minute. I need… a minute." He took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts. "You love me."
"Yes!"
"You love me, you know about my problem, and you don't care."
"Yes! Or, no, I don't care, but I do love you and-"
"Okay, then." Remus gave a weak chuckle. "Okay. I can't believe this."
"Okay, so is that a yes, you're accepting me?" Tonks looked ecstatic for a moment. It nearly broke Remus' heart.
"No."
"What?"
"No, it's an okay, I can't believe this. I can't believe that any one like you would settle for someone like me. A werewolf. A poor, old, graying werewolf, even."
"Remus, you're not being fair to yourself."
"That doesn't matter. Tonks, I can't let you do this because I need to be safe. I need you to be safe for me. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."
"Have you ever bit anyone?"
Remus shuddered at the only memory he had, a close call. "I don't know. You don't understand. I'm not myself when… at the full moon. I can't control myself, I don't remember anything… I don't want you close enough to get hurt."
"You're hurting me now."
"No, this is nothing compared to…"
"I told you, I don't care."
"How is that possible? You must be insane."
"No, I love you!"
"I still say no. I will not do this."
"Even though you care for me, care for me deeply?"
"Yes. Even though…" Remus took a breath. "Even though I do care for you."
"You make no sense at all."
"Regardless of that… my final word is no."
"Fine." A few more tears fell from her eyes. "Just, fine." She stood, stormed out to the entrance way to get her cloak, and with a crack, disappeared.
Remus slumped at the table, glancing at his half finished butterbeer that was still on the table and shook his head. The night's events definitely called for something stronger.
………
Yay! First HP story that doesn't star Lily and James! I'm so proud of myself! On an unrelated note, why do all JKR's characters' names end in 's'? I still don't know what to do with the apostrophe s with those. Now, y'all know the drill! That little button at the bottom left side of the screen takes you to a lovely little window that lets you give me a nice little review… It took me long enough to upload this. Stupid document uploader... in my opinion, all that hard work deserves a review... or two... or three...
