He took her hand in his, caressed her slender fingers, fingers now damp with his fallen tears.
"I know you love me, I never doubted that."
Her cheeks were pale, her eyes cold, angry. Still she looked at him, couldn't tear herself away from him.
"I honestly don't know what I was thinking! You would never leave me, would you? You're still here, you would have left me by now if you really wanted to, you're stubborn like that," he whispered quietly, half laughing to himself. But he stopped at the look on her face. She was hurt, scared, broken.
And all because he had told himself she was no longer there.
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The first knock at the door passed unnoticed.
"Jackie, are you there?"
The second knock was more urgent, but still no one came.
"Jackie? It's me, Mickey, let me in! It's freezing out here!"
She couldn't move. She was frozen on the spot.
"Jackie? Please, just answer the door!"
She would try if she could. She would pull herself up on icy limbs, and she would reach out. Except he wasn't who she needed him to be.
The third knock was the final one, and still she didn't flinch. The door came crashing down ahead of her; still nothing moved.
His heart was thundering as he picked his way cautiously through the dimly-lit hall. There was something not right about this; someone was always in these days, ever since the accident. No one could bear to leave her here alone, because they knew if they left her, even for a second, she would be allowed to trick herself in to believing in the reality of her dreams. It was hard enough to hear her cry for him when she knew he was gone; it was utterly heartbreaking to hear her talking to him when she thought he had come back for her.
"He's here Mickey! I heard her, the TARDIS, he's coming back for me I know it!"
She grinned at him, and he matched it with his own beaming smile. Such warmth in her eyes was unusual these days; she had rarely found it in herself to be happy since he had left her. Mickey couldn't make her smile like that any more, make her laugh like he used to. He treasured these moments, because they were the few moments when she was genuinely content with her place in the world. But he had to stop her believing, before she got too carried away.
"No sweetheart, he can't. He's gone now. I'm sorry."
He wanted to cry when he saw her face. She went through the motions of a child who had just been told her favourite teddy had been thrown away. There was the look of shock, the feeble protestations that what she had been told simply wasn't true, then the bottom lip began to tremble slightly, her eyes screwed up tight as she tried to fight her tears and opened again as she failed miserably to stop their rapid flow down her rosy cheeks. He put his arms protectively around her as she sobbed brokenly in to his chest, though he knew it did little to comfort her. Only the Doctor could help her now.
Her blonde hair was splayed out around her head like a peroxide halo. Her hazel eyes were open, but for once they did not convey the sorrow that had permanently scarred her heart. He would have welcomed that, if it weren't for the fact that in sorrow's place there was nothing. He knelt down beside her where she lay perfectly still on the kitchen floor, weeping softly, cursing that nothingness. Her eyes were empty. She was gone.
A/N: This isn't just a one shot and all will be explained eventually! Please do let me know what you think of it so far :)
Until Next Time
Smileyhalo
