A fire a fire, you can only take what you can carry
A pulse, your pulse, it's the only thing I can remember.
I break, you don't, I was always set to self-destruct though
The fire, the fire, the cracks and the barks like primal music
Snow Patrol – If there's a rocket tie me to it
Prologue
He didn't think his bed had ever been this comfy. Ironic really that the day he was planning to kick the bucket the uncomfortable, hard bed he had put up with for so long felt as though it were made from clouds themselves which seemed to mould into his shape. His eyes were fixated on the twinkling fairy lights that had been strung around his headboard since before she died. They were multiplying, crossing each other and almost dazzling in the gloom of his own head. They were so simple, so easy to figure out that he was blown away. Blown away by the sheer beauty these fairy lights were giving off.
It could just be the drugs
He reasoned rather dully, he had taken quite a few in order to get the job done quickly. He wanted to be gone from his own head in less than an hour so he had taken everything he could find. A toxic cocktail of everyday medicines including prescribed sleeping pills that could probably put a small lion to sleep.
Was it a mistake?
No! He would not think like that. He couldn't afford too. Not now when he could still reach the landline sitting on the bedside table mockingly, it would be so easy to just pick it up, dial for an ambulance and live. He would not be that guy. He would not. When he did something he did it right. He didn't second guess himself and he didn't squeal for help when he didn't need it. He was fine; everything was going to be absolutely fine in less than twenty minutes now. Twenty minutes for his life to end, twenty minutes to think of anything he wanted. What should he think about?
Life
He didn't want to think through his life. It was a short story full of melodrama and fakes but he couldn't stop his mind, it seemed to of stopped listening to him, from reversing back to the start, to what lead up to this point; starting with the main character and star of the show: himself and why he couldn't be more like the fairy lights looming over his head.
