Snow, the lament of Byakuren Hijiri
One thousand years…
I came back from Naraka after a thousand human years, only to find that the hole in my heart is still there…
Not even the pain and torture I endured in Naraka can make me forget you, what makes me think that falling snowflakes can fill it up for me?
'Myouren… I can't face you anymore…' I kept screaming that in my mind as I was sent to Naraka by those humans. It was my fault really, since I was the one who misused magic, led astray from the Buddha's teachings by m own grief, as well as my fear of death.
That's right…
Ever since that winter when you left me… I feared death.
A few days ago at the year after I woke up, after I paid respects to Myouren, you came.
Collapsed in the snow outside our temple, covered in mortal wounds; it would be terrible if the people found out that the Dragon king of Gensokyo is defeated.
I felt that I had to nurse you back to health and so I asked Shou to carry you in.
I used all my magic to heal you, nearly losing my magic that made me young, and the next moment before I intended to leave, you pushed me down to the floor.
You then kissed me all over indecently, began to fondle my breasts and caressing my private parts, stripping me down naked.
I fought back, but since you are a dragon to begin with, I might as well as failed.
I felt your hard rod thrusting in and out, it hurts a lot, it was painful, and finally you burst within my insides.
I felt thoroughly disgusted. And I slapped you, the great honoured Dragon of Gensokyo, for disgracing me like this, to actually think that I had hailed you as Buddha's equal.
Thanks to you, I had lost my honour as a nun, and I committed a great treason against Buddha's teachings. This made me want to go back to Naraka again.
But then you never left, even after your injuries have healed.
You tried to make up for your sins against me, by asking for my forgiveness.
You did it, by telling me more about Myouren, his life before I entered.
I never asked you about how you knew about Myouren, and how he managed to live without me, I was just - touched.
Since then, I had started to open up more to you, the guilt I had no longer had any effect.
Every time you talked about Myouren, other friends of both yours and his alike, and about your other lovers, Yukari-san, Yuyuko-san, Satori-chan, Kanako-sama and so on, you gave me a smile every time you spoke, I can see his smile through yours.
'Was it Myouren that led us together?' was what I thought when we consummated the second time.
Ever since then, you had filled up that hole in my heart, pulled me together to fulfil my duty as a Buddhist preacher (though I can no longer be a nun, the best I can do was to spread Buddha's teachings), and I will be eternally grateful to you.
So now I wait for the snow to fall again, for you to come.
Now, I still fear death, because I love you so much that I don't want to leave you alone.
