Intro
You know you've been screwed when you're pilot is a scarecrow named WT. First of all, I didn't want to go on this damn trip to Malaysia. Wendy, being the bitch she is, dragged me on this. All my other friends couldn't go because the flight was filled by stupid scarecrows! Now, how WT and the rest of them got reservations is weird. I thought the only job a scarecrow was supposed to do was guard crops. Oh no, these ones can move and talk. They even have names! There was no way my friends would believe me when I went back to South Park. First you would have Stan say, "Oh wow, scarecrows can talk! How come they don't do it here?" Then Kyle would say, "Cartman, you're lying and scarecrows don't talk, fatass!" Kenny would just laugh and laugh some more. Oh trust me, WT thought he was experienced and I had the feeling we were all going to die on that plane but Wendy said we would be fine.
"Wendy, the scarecrow is driving the plane." Wendy looked at me funny. "Yeah, you can go check who's driving!"
Wendy still didn't believe me. "Oh please, it's probably a pilot."
I sighed again. "Um...Did it ever occur to you that we make up less than one percent of this population? That's right. The rest is...SCARECROW!!!"
Wendy did look around to see only scarecrows. "........Wait a minute. This can't be our flight!"
I half-laughed. "Oh my god, it took you so long to figure that out!"
Wendy began scrambling through her purse. I knew we were on the wrong gate but we kept fighting over which gate to and that was nine and we're on eight. She looked at me blankly and began panicking. I knew things were going to go straight to hell.
"Ok, Wendy. Calm down, this isn't the end of the world...." She began fanning herself. "We just have to get off at the next airport..."
I sighed. "Wendy. I have the worst feeling there won't be a next time."
Wendy's eyes widened. "What do you mean?!?! WE MIGHT DIE?!?!"
I began eating my Cheesy Poofs. "Maybe. The pilot is inexperienced. Do we know any scarecrow pilots? I think not."
Wendy shuddered. "I-I should've listen to you....Damn it, now it's my fault were going to die!"
"Serves you damn right, bitch!" I yelled. "Now we're stuck in this together!"
The alarm began blaring. I knew it! Wendy owes me fifty bucks! Anyways, I could feel the plane rumbling and all the gayass scarecrows began to flip out and flip out of their seats at the same time. A bunch locked themselves in the cockpit and we began doing 360's all over the place. Then the plane started to nose dive out of control. Wendy began screaming and boy could she scream, it sounded like she truly was going to die. She held onto my hand and squeezed it so damn tight! Jeez, she could've popped a vein or something because I couldn't move it after I got it away from her.
She closed her eyes and began screaming. "I LOVE YOU STAN! I LOVE YOU! Cartman hold me!"
I shoved Wendy away. "Get off me! I don't want the person who caused my death on me! Wendy, stop it! Just stop it!
Wendy wouldn't move and that pissed me off so bad but at the same time it was kind of comforting....No wait..It pisses me off! She just broke down in front of me and I couldn't even believe it. Wendy got out of her seat and ran up and down the aisle. She was crying so hard and it was for Stan. I was so pissed off because I was...pissed off at her bitching and complaining! I'm not jealous or anything, who told you that?!?!? It's not like I hate Stan for liking Wendy, I never was mad at him! You guys watch me too much! I DON'T like WENDY!!! I just want Wendy to stop crying because it makes me nervous and it's sad, ok?
I got out of my seatbelt and got my ass up to the cockpit. Wendy saw me and ran after me, she grabbed on to me really tight. I bashed down the door to be knocked over by fifty scarecrows! How could they fit all their skinny asses in that small space? I looked at WT who just about pressing every random button to make the plane work. He just couldn't get it to work and we had lives in danger. Scarecrows began fainting and jumping out of the plane. It was so messed up.
WT panicked and began stressing out. "I wish I didn't fail out of pilotin' school! We are goin' down!"
Wendy hugged me as she looked at WT. "WT! You have to save us! we're only nine! Can you remember anything?"
I growled. "This is all your damn fault! The pilot was coming and we took off without him!"
Wendy looked at me. "Hey! That pilot was woman, Cartman! Girls can be pilots too!"
I got in Wendy's face. "Pilots are supposed to men! Since when did girls have a say in that?!?! I should've voted against that!"
Wendy grabbed my collar. "It isn't always about men! Women have a say almost everything and they can get the same job a man can have!"
I pushed her off of me. "Don't grab me, slut! You're smart Wendy, fix the damn plane that's about to kill us!"
WT realized that the wheel was broken. "......We're gonna die fo' sure, kids!!! WE GONNA DIE!"
I grabbed WT by his red bandanna. "WT! You pull yourself together, we're going to land this thing! The other wheel isn't broken over there, you need to make an emergency landing. You need to get the plane to land in the water. I'm not dying now, so, save the plane!"
WT got up. "Alright. I'll give it a try but do understand, I don't 'member much of my pilotin' days. I could kill us all but alright."
Wendy and I clung to each other, ewww...I got slut germs all over me! Goddamn it! WT made a hard right turn with both damaged wings. The plane began shaking out of control to the point where I was scared. It seemed like any minute would be the last time I would be heard again. All I remember was seeing the back of the plane with no one on it. Every last scarecrow jumped out the plane and the back broke off with fire and grinding metal falling out the sky. All I remember before everything went dark was just seeing the goddamn ocean before me and looking into Wendy's light blue eyes that were full of baby tears. She was screaming but it was in slow mo, I only heard WT cursing and the alarm blaring even louder as we crashed loudly and every thing went black.
We didn't make it to Malaysia. Is this what hell looks like because it smells like seawater and shit mixed together. Eww, Wendy is right next to me and I'm....touching her BOOBS?!?!? I am in hell but I just can't see!!! Goddamn it! I hate fucking vacations!
All I knew if that we were stranded on an island....It's Cartman for himself, not Wendy, or WT. CARTMAN is always first! I matter more than they do.
