I never awake to warm sunlight streaming in from the windows.
I never awake to the smell of coffee or breakfast.
I wake to a room with muted sunlight filtering through heavy curtains.
I wake to the smell of unused and scarily sterile rooms.
--
He is never watching me with loving eyes in the mornings, waiting for me to get up.
He is never holding me securely with strong, scarred arms.
He is always sleeping until late in the day, work is mentally and physically exhausting.
He is always clutching an abused, threadbare pillow in his hold.
--
She is his favorite; he takes her to his bedroom instead of to a hotel.
She is his fantasy, much like the heroine in his dog-eared novels.
She is not my favorite, she sleeps in my bed and uses my makeup.
She is not my fantasy, she used to be the heroine in his dog-eared novels.
--
We used to spend time together, he and I, during the time the academy let out.
We used to lay in bed until we got hungry and ate until we were tired again.
We now barely say a word to each other, he and I, unless it's about missions or the genin.
We now barely touch each other unless by accident.
--
He used to be my hero, my idol.
He used to be the standard for men I dated before we got married.
He is still my hero, my idol.
He is still the standard for men though he tires of me.
--
I want to believe that this rough patch will not last.
I want to believe that I will wake up and he will smile at me, touch me.
I don't want to believe that this is my life now.
I don't want to believe that I won't wake up from this nightmare.
--
He has had a change of heart recently; as if my desperate wishing has helped me.
He has had the warmest eyes and the hottest touch.
He has not shown me the cold, cruel side of himself lately.
He has not shown me the icy mismatched eyes and left me freezing.
--
I knew it was too good to last; she hands me the divorce papers.
I knew he wouldn't be man enough to bring it to me himself.
I didn't know that it would end to soon; he doesn't meet my green eyes.
I didn't know that it would come to this, Hatake Kakashi.
