"Hey, Kev, I need to talk to you." Kevin turns around to see his little brother enter the kitchen. Justin looks serious and sits down on the other side of the counter. Kevin takes out two bottles of water and hands one to Justin.
"Okay. What's up?" Kevin asks and sits down.
"You know I've been going through all these things I've said and done to people as a part of my getting sober?" Kevin nods. "There's one thing. I don't even know if you remember it. It was just after dad died, I was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct." Kevin looks puzzles, not getting what Justin is after.
"You, mom and Kitty drove to Oceanside to pick me up from jail. We stayed at that motel, mom yelled… and." Justin takes a deep breath. "I said one thing to you, that I regret. Very much. And I'm almost even surprised I remember, because so many things have just slipped my mind."
"Okay?" Kevin takes a sip from his bottle, still looking a bit puzzled.
"I said I thought it was wrong of you to… be gay." Justin says, his voice trembling and weak. Kevin searches his memory. "I just wanna say I'm so sorry, and I didn't mean it."
"Kevin always does the right thing, except sleep with women."
"Oh." Kevin says. He sees the sadness in Justin's eyes across the counter. "I had forgotten about that. It was nothing. You were mad." Kevin says and waves it away with his hand.
"Don't say that. I never had a problem with you being gay, I don't think it's wrong or disgusting or anything. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry."
"Look Justin, it's okay. I forgive you."
The kitchen lands in silence. Justin had expected more of a reaction, and now Kevin just sits there and sips his water, eyeing the fruit bowl.
"How can you just dismiss that?"
"Justin," Kevin says, picking up a shiny Granny Smith apple. "I've had over thirty years of experience in being gay. I've been called everything, and I've been treated differently than others based on my sexuality." Kevin polishes the apple with his sleeve before taking a big bite.
He chews carefully before continuing.
"Ever since you were five or six, you've known I liked guys, and never once did you treat me differently than Tommy. You hit me just as hard. Even that time, when you shouted it out for all of San Diego to hear, I knew it wasn't what you meant. Had you actually wanted to punish me for being gay, you could've found a much better opportunity." Kevin says and takes another bite.
Justin slowly nods. He knows Kevin is right, but still, he himself has carried this with him for a long time, not able to let it go. As if Kevin read his mind, he continues:
"I admit, I forgot about it. Maybe because I didn't want to remember it. You're still my little brother, the one who made me play with Kitty's dolls. Whatever you say, you will always be the one who curled up in bed with me after dad picked fights with me after my coming out and with you when you were bad."
"I never thought of it that way." Justin admits. "There was never any doubt about that." He says slowly. "I'd never actually do anything. I'd never do anything to hurt you." He says.
Kevin finishes his apple and smiles at Justin.
"I know." He gets up and throws away the rest of his apple. He walks over to Justin and pats him on the back. "I love you too, bro." He gives Justin a quick smile before leaving him alone in the kitchen.
